Minister refuses to marry us

[CAJ1]

We are due to marry in 2012, we went to meet the Minister of the presbyterian church last week to talk over marriage, our beliefs etc. We have been atending for some time.

We have been together 4 and a half years and lived together for 2 of thos years. The minister refuses to marry us as we live together and he says that is wrong.

Is it not for God to judge whether what we do is right or wrong and not for the Minister to decide? Should he not be there to try to help to guide us rather than tell us we're sinners?

Is this a common issue? We are now looking at going to a different church who will marry us. It is not practical for us to pay for 2 houses and neither of us can go to live with our parents.

[squarebear]

Yes but God can't really tell you so I assume people who believe in this sort of thing expect that He will pass on His message through the minister?

[mollykins]

Are there any children ?

[bednobs]

have to say i agree - the minister is god's representative on earth (if you believe all that guff) so it's his/her job to translate god's wishes, as if he/she had a cosy little chat with him everynight

[Old_Geezer]

You are correct in that you should tell him it is his loss and you will be taking your custom elsewhere.

As I see it the Minster would claim to be God's representative and so tell you what he or she believes is God's will. I wouldn't know but would guess they have the right to decide you they will marry in their church, and who not. But you could appeal to his (earthbound) superior/boss I'd have thought. If you wanted to.

[tamborine]

Choose another church/vicar/priest etc. A Registry Office wouldn't refuse if you're both free to wed and their records overwrite any religious house.

[Old_Geezer]

"It is not practical for us to pay for 2 houses and neither of us can go to live with our parents."

Just wondered what each of you would be doing were you not an item then. Individually off down the YMCA/YWCA ? Not saying you shouldn't live together, just thnk your reason doesn't convince.

[CAJ1]

You have a point squarebear/bednobs, it was just the way he was going on and on about us being sinners and how we shouldn't be living together. I think the church will eventually die out if they don't move with modern times.

No children Mollykins.

I'm not sure if its something all churches insist on Old_Geezer? I hope not otherwise it could prove difficult! We did live seperatley prior to moving in together but we have now brought a house and have a mortgage, it would take even longer to save for a wedding if one of us is paying mortgage and bills for one house and the other rent and bills for another!

[squarebear]

"I think the church will eventually die out if they don't move with modern times. "

I'm surprised it is still going. Surely, those days of superstitious nonsense are gone now we are in the 21st century?

I guess that's something for another thread though.

[CAJ1]

We're going to try a few other churches tamborine and see how we go. I think we'd both prefer a church wedding over hotel/registry office.

[jackthehat]

The Presbyterians are not known for their 'forward-thinking' nor their tolerant attitude.
Which particular branch of the Presyterians are you considering ?

[CAJ1]

I think its nice to have something to believe in Squarebear and its nice to feel part of something in the community. I like going down to the church on a Sunday and speaking to all the old dolls and sharing their polo mints :-)

[pastafreak]

Going by this ministers attitude,are we to assume that every other couple he marries does not live together? Not likely in this day and age.

[CAJ1]

jackthehat - I am Church of England but since my OH is from Ireland and we both live here, he wants to marry in a Presbyterian church. I don't think he's overly fussed as to which branch of Presbyterian.

[jomifl]

Just get married in a registry office, it is no different in principle to choosing a church that agrees with you. You can have your marriage blessed in church at a later date if you need to. The church wedding only covers the religious bit, the registry office legalises it anyway so cut out the middleman and go direct to the supplier.

[jackthehat]

Presbyterianism is represented in Ireland by the Presbyterian Church in Ireland, the Free Presbyterian Church of Ulster, the Non-subscribing Presbyterian Church of Ireland, the Reformed Presbyterian Church of Ireland and the Evangelical Presbyterian Church............perhaps one of those would be more welcoming ?

[237SJ]

I guess he`s following the church`s belief that people shouldn`t live together unless they`re married. He`s being pedantic though as most ministers would overlook it in this day and age. The vicar in my old village refused to marry a girl who had been born and bred there as she had moved 10 miles away. It was against the rules about living in the parish. She went elsewhere to get married. The next vicar was more up to date and was very popular because of that.

[CAJ1]

That's what I'm thinking pastafreak, either that or he must have a lot of people lying to him! I think its sensible to live with the person you intend to marry beforehand, I have learnt so much more about my other half and we've had issues over his messiness that we have been able to iron out before we get married!

Registry office is definitly something I will look into if the church doesn't work out, thanks jomifl

[CAJ1]

I will make up a list of those churches jackthehat and make enquiries, hopefully we'll get something sorted.

I can see churches like that ending up with very few people 237SJ, I would have thought the minister might have overlooked it and welcomed young people to his church as most of them are of an older generation.

[RATTER15]

God thinks you are unworthy people to attend and marry in his church!!!

You don't need this clap trap, tell the minister to blow it out his self righteous a$$.

Get married in a registry office where you don't have to make promises to an imaginary friend in the sky.

[B00]

so this guy was happy enough for you to attend his church services but won't marry you? How hypocritical!