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Relationship problem with Christian girlfriend
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Hi my name is Zach and I am have been in a fairly serious long distance relationship with my girlfriend for about 8 months now. I see her every 2 weeks for an entire weekend and I live 4 hours away from her because I am in college. We have had only one disagreement throughout our relationship which was 3 months ago concerning God. At the time her and I had been sexually active and deeply in love with each other, until one morning she called my crying. Shortly after arriving from a church retreat, she explained that she felt God wasn't first in our relationship and I needed to grow more in my relationship with God. So I agreed and told her I promised I would get to know Jesus better and we have been doing devotionals about Jesus and the Bible every night since then.
Last night I called her to do devotions and she was crying again. She said that lately she has been thinking. Although she still loves me she says, and she doesn't want to break up with me, she thinks God is leading her down a different path and she feels like our relationship is distracting towards her growing relationship with God. She wanted to be friends with me. I love her more than I love myself and started panicking, and I made a compromise with her - if I try harder to grow in my faith with God, and we take our relationship less seriously, then we can still be together.
Now the confusing part about all of this is that yesterday morning she told me the same affectionate things she always does - "I love you baby" and "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you this weekend." We have not had any disagreements lately and our relationship has been every bit as passionate as it has been these entire 8 months. I still love her more than words can say and I know without a doubt she is the one for me.
My question is: How can I show my girlfriend that I am serious about getting to know Jesus and what should my response should have been to our almost break-up? I am very confused about all of this and would appreciate honest answers. I have tried to keep this as non-bias as possible on my part.
Last night I called her to do devotions and she was crying again. She said that lately she has been thinking. Although she still loves me she says, and she doesn't want to break up with me, she thinks God is leading her down a different path and she feels like our relationship is distracting towards her growing relationship with God. She wanted to be friends with me. I love her more than I love myself and started panicking, and I made a compromise with her - if I try harder to grow in my faith with God, and we take our relationship less seriously, then we can still be together.
Now the confusing part about all of this is that yesterday morning she told me the same affectionate things she always does - "I love you baby" and "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you this weekend." We have not had any disagreements lately and our relationship has been every bit as passionate as it has been these entire 8 months. I still love her more than words can say and I know without a doubt she is the one for me.
My question is: How can I show my girlfriend that I am serious about getting to know Jesus and what should my response should have been to our almost break-up? I am very confused about all of this and would appreciate honest answers. I have tried to keep this as non-bias as possible on my part.
Answers
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ARE you serious about making your religion the most important thing in your life? It sounds like your GF is finding you a distraction. I don't understand how she can direct you to improve your relationship with God - religion is a very personal thing, you don't take it up because someone else tells you to. Taking your relationship less seriously wouldn't be an option for me - it should be all-encompassing, THE most important thing, within the rest of your lifestyle.
Seriously?
Run away fast!
Most here aren't religious but that's not important.
This isn't about religion it's about control.
She pushes you away and pulls you back - push pull - push pull - she probably doesn't even know she's doing it conciously.
Short of having children partnering with someone is the most important decision you'll ever make. Nothing else will determine so much how your life goes.
You've a lot invested in this relationship but if you don't wake up and smell the coffee you're in for a world of hurt.
I'll reckon your circle of friends is a bit restricted and you can't see how big that world is.
You need to get out and meet some other people perhaps some Christian dating websites.
But you know what - I think deep down you know that and that's why you're posting.
You need to be brave because you're gong to hurt her and that takes a hell of a lot of guts.
But if you don't she's going to hurt you so much more!
Run away fast!
Most here aren't religious but that's not important.
This isn't about religion it's about control.
She pushes you away and pulls you back - push pull - push pull - she probably doesn't even know she's doing it conciously.
Short of having children partnering with someone is the most important decision you'll ever make. Nothing else will determine so much how your life goes.
You've a lot invested in this relationship but if you don't wake up and smell the coffee you're in for a world of hurt.
I'll reckon your circle of friends is a bit restricted and you can't see how big that world is.
You need to get out and meet some other people perhaps some Christian dating websites.
But you know what - I think deep down you know that and that's why you're posting.
You need to be brave because you're gong to hurt her and that takes a hell of a lot of guts.
But if you don't she's going to hurt you so much more!
What were your beliefs before you got with your GF ? If you are doing this because it's something YOU want to do then...ok, but if you are doing it because it's what your GF wants, then it's going to lead to problems further down the line, & you could actually end up resenting her for it.
I agree with a lot of what Jake the peg says. It does sound like some form of control. I agree with the push, pull part & that in itself is a huge red flag.
I spent 5 years in a relationship with a commitment phobic, most of our relationship was a push pull. He would push me away when he was getting in too deep then pull me back when he wanted closeness, then when his anxiety was bad he would push me away again, it was soul destroying & destructive. It was emotionally & mentally draining.
Healthy relationships are about mutual consent, understanding & compromise. You need to have a think about what YOU want & then talk with your GF & see if you can come to some compromise.
I agree with a lot of what Jake the peg says. It does sound like some form of control. I agree with the push, pull part & that in itself is a huge red flag.
I spent 5 years in a relationship with a commitment phobic, most of our relationship was a push pull. He would push me away when he was getting in too deep then pull me back when he wanted closeness, then when his anxiety was bad he would push me away again, it was soul destroying & destructive. It was emotionally & mentally draining.
Healthy relationships are about mutual consent, understanding & compromise. You need to have a think about what YOU want & then talk with your GF & see if you can come to some compromise.
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