Mother Has Stopped My Children Contacting Me.

[TransRiot]

Hi,

I hope someone can help me with some advice.

I'll give some background information first.


I'm a transgender female, I divorced my wife just a few months ago after being separated for over two years.

I did not know I was transsexual until about a year before we separated. Previously before coming out to my wife she had committed adultery on three separate occasions. I forgave her but when she committed adultery for the fourth time, I came out and she quickly decided she wanted a divorce.

We have to children aged 6 and 7 whom are Autistic ( mild to severe on the spectrum ).

Over the last two years they have come to accept me for who I am. They understand what has happened after I have explained them using a very simple terms that daddy was born in the wrong body etc etc.

I've had contact with them since they moved to Wales on a regular basis ( I live in NE England ) and I have driven down to collect them as they spend almost every holiday with me.

they've accepted my new partner who is also a transsexual female and they have an awesome time with us. They always want to come home ( as they were both born and raised here ) and live with daddy ( they use the term daddy as they don't understand the concept of having to mothers ) as their mother is always shouting at them.

She is also a right wing Christian (born again christian) and the police have already issued her with a warning about the constant homophobia she spews forth in front of the children and to me.

She has broken the contact order so many times I can't even count them. She refuses to tell me about my children's welfare and about their schooling.

I recently informed her that I would be getting married once equal marriage becomes law and that it would be a pagan wedding and I wanted the kids to attend.

This was 6 weeks ago and I've had a text message saying she was going to take me to court to stop contact.

I've had regular contact since my wife and I split and I have kept regular contact on a weekly basis with phone calls and web-chats to my kids and I often drive down to Wales in the holidays to pick them up and for them to stay with me for a week or two and three week in the school summer holidays.

I have a contact order which states that I must have a weekly webchat with my kids, visits in the school holidays and weekly phone-calls to them as agreed between my ex-wife and myself.

I've not taken any legal action as I didn't want to get the ex-wife in to trouble with the courts as that might have a negative effect on my children.

But it's been six weeks without contact and I've tried to ask why she has stopped contact and informed her that stopping contact like this will effect the well being of my kids and that they may wonder why their dad has stopped contacting them. I keep getting the same response that she is going to take me to court to stop contact ( event though she has no grounds to stop contact ) even though I am not violent, I don't drink alcohol, I don't take illicit drugs and I do not break the law. I'm a model parent and I can prove this.

I see my solicitor a week on Monday and I really just want to know if I should proceed, I'm exhausted with it all, my father desperately wants to see his only grandchildren and I'm guessing I just need some advice on how to proceed but I'm trying to look at the bigger picture as she is looking at community service or even prison. as the contact order warns her if she doesn't comply she risks prison and I'm trying to understand that this may have a negative effect on the children. But in the long term they will suffer as the children and I are very close.

I even asked them on a few occasions if they minded that the doctors were going to make daddy the way she should have been born.
Their answer was they preferred me as mommy number 2 than daddy as they could see how much more happy I am and that I'm not sad any more.

Please may I have some advice as I just want to be sure on how to proceed.

[anneasquith]

geez oh. what a lot of changes for these children........seek legal advice,

[whiskeryron]

Thank you for telling us all, I find it very moving & although I am unable to offer you legal advice ( I think someone will come along shortly who will) I am on your side in this matter. What do you think would be the outcome if you went & fetched your children to live with you permanently without notifying their mother ?

WR.

[TransRiot]

Whiskey, I don't know, if I took them without their mother's consent I'd be charged with Kidnap I guess, even though how one can kidnap their own child is a weird question. But legally she is the resident parent although we both have parental responsibility, legally he children reside at their mother's home.

But if I did something irrational such as that, even though there's nothing illegal about just turning up and taking my kids the courts will frown upon it as I haven't adhered to protocol, unless I told them I acted out as I thought they were in immediate danger.

[jim360]

As long as there are no reasons for the contact order to be invalidated by your own change of circumstances, she has no case and therefore I would expect you to win such a case that she brings against you easily (with some legal support). Your solicitor would be able to provide more legal advice, so listen to his judgement over mine, but if his verdict is that you will win then please, please go for it. The current environment in which your children live seems to be less than ideal for them, and I don't see how contact with you can do anything over than improve that.

[TransRiot]

Jim360,

She has no reason to stop contact as I said I'm nor violent, I do not pose a threat to my children, I don't drink alcohol, use drugs or have a criminal record.

I worship my children, they are my world, I'd give my life for them in a heartbeat.

This has only happened since I told her I was going to marry my current partner and that I wanted the children to attend the wedding.

I've made an appointment to speak with my solicitor already, I just wanted some advice on if I should proceed as I don't want to rock the boat. but the sudden change in the children speaking with me on a regular basis to no contact must have them worried that I don't love them any more or that something has happened to me which couldn't be firther from the truth.

[jim360]

What I was thinking of particularly is the fact that you are transgender. This can have complications basically because the concept has only recently caught on and many of the laws involving Divorce and children pre-date transsexualism being more accepted.

I would have a look at this document:

http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/CourtInfo-Assets/Courtinfo.pdf

That goes through the issues far better than I can (basically anything I say would just be quoting it). As far as I can tell there is no reason that the Contact Order will become invalid, but you will definitely need legal representation.

[FredPuli43]

Go on, see the solicitor. The golden rule in these cases is "The interests of the child are paramount". It is not for one parent to decide that, unilaterally. It doesn't matter what change of circumstances there has been, the rule remains. It's for the court. The other party won't be jailed for a first or even a second breach; the jails would be full of disgruntled parents if that were so; but they will be for persistent breaches. The idea is to get settled agreement or acceptance for the child's sake.

[EDDIE51]

I know from personal experience that you can have as many contact orders ,injunctions and the rest as you like, but if the Mother is determined to prevent contact there is virtually nothing you can do. No court is going to send the bailiffs or police round and force the mother to send the kids to the contact. This has nothing at all to do with your specific situation it happens all too frequently . The kids are used as a weapon to pursue a personal vendetta against the other parent.

[FredPuli43]

Hmm. Can't know what experience any other has had; they may be pessimistic as a result. It won't apply to every case. You should see the solicitor. I think you will find that extremely useful, indeed it's essential.

[EDDIE51]

Contact Family's need Fathers the charity that deals with this problem.
http://www.fnf.org.uk/
Your sexuality has no bearing on this case , they will still help you.

[tonywiltshire]

You need to understand the Law and that the courts are becoming tired of one parent who stops access to the other parent with the old and usual excuses of the child/children being out, gone to stay with relations, not well, do not wish to see you, et cetera. See a solicitor as Fred suggests but not one who may make the situation worse as unfortunately some may, but a solicitor who will make sure your position is respected, your rights recognised and your sexuality ignored.
Be patient the law does not move quickly.

[AlwaysConfused]

Your ex is probably still trying to get her head around the changes. Children accept change a lot quicker than adults. I'd imagine that every time she started to accept the situation, something has popped up and set her back again. If that was me, I'd probably irrationally think that I'd done something 'wrong' along the way to turn you against fancying woman.

Time. Time is the healer. Give her a little more of it. That's a bit of a bombshell you have dropped there.