Some Crackers...

Jemisa | 14:20 Mon 15th Jul 2013 | Jokes

4 Answers

A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on."

The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?"

The husband replies, "No - I'm turning the heating off."
...........................................................................................

New studies show that women who drink tea are twice as likely to get pregnant.

Related studies have revealed that women who drink Long Island Ice Tea are twice as likely to wake up in the back seat of a Camaro with sticky hair.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
............................................................................................

Two young Irish men were getting ready to go on a camping trip. The first one said, "I'm taking along a gallon of whiskey just in case of rattlesnake bites. What are you taking?"

The other one said, "Two rattlesnakes!"
...........................................................................................

A rather drunk man was walking along the street one day. He was staggering quite a bit and made two nuns that were approaching him, very nervous. The two nuns split apart and one walked to the man's left and one walked to the man's right.
After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said, "Now how in the hell did she do that?"
......................................................................................

The bar was getting ready to close, & the drunk asked the nearest woman: "What would you say to a little "oral" activity?"
"That all depends," she quickly responded. "Your face, or mine?"
.............................................................................................

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer and the barman asks him to pay up. The bloke says he has no money, but for the beer, he will sing through his @rsehole. The barman is a little bit skeptical, but thinksif the bloke can do it, it's worth a beer. He agrees and the bloke gets up on a stool, drop his trousers, bends over, and then sh!ts all over the bar. The barman is p!ssed off and screams, "What the hell did you do that for?"

The bloke replies, "Sorry, I was just clearing my throat."