As A Responsible Parent ….

[naomi24]

… do you think it wise to instil fear into your children by teaching them that God watches everything they do, and that the devil exists?

[keyplus90]

I have instilled and fear into my children's hearts nor did my parents when they were bringing me up. In fact they told me that God is all merciful and forgiving.

[jomifl]

KP, what is this nothing that we are worried about?

[ll_billym]

It's fine as long as you tell them that if they are good that God will bring them presents at Christmas - and when they are old enough you tell them that God doesn't exist and it was Mum and Dad all along.

[Mamyalynne]

There is no need to instil fear into children whilst bringing them up in a Christian environment - I was called a child abuser on here for sending my children to RC Schools.

I got over it, I forgave the one who said it, they seemed rather more zealous than I supposedly am.

[naomi24]

Boxy, //It's no different from when we were little, telling us that the bogeyman would get you if you were naughty - is it?//

And that’s acceptable? I’m shocked!

Keyplus, nonsense! You’re terrified of the wrath of God.

[naomi24]

.... and of demons and devils - and don't tell me that didn't come from your childhood lessons.

[Jeza]

The nuns who taught at my school put the fear of God in me. I have not been to mass since I left school.

[CokeTulip]

No
I do think along with fear - dont forget the sense of shame that is often instilled into children by the Church and parents. Its wrong.

Some parents do instil fear into their child before the age of 3 and terrify them, shout at them and blame them (almost forgetting their age); the baby cant escape this so parents wonder why when the baby grows up they are incapable of trusting anyone and have difficulty succeeding and thriving in life. I think frightening a child that young is completely unforgivable but sadly it happens all the time.

[naomi24]

Coke, //I think frightening a child that young is completely unforgivable but sadly it happens all the time.//

I agree almost completely. The only thing I would change in your statement is the reference to the age of the child. Teaching respect for others, self-respect, and good ethical values is imperative, but a parent who teaches a child that imaginary horrors are real and are to be feared is abrogating his parental responsibility. It might be an effectual way to keep a child on the straight and narrow, but it’s the method of the weak and it’s damaging to the psychological well-being of the child. Children should be raised to be confident, caring, self-reliant members of the human race – not quaking sycophants. No child should be purposefully taught to fear that for which there is no evidence. It is nothing short of child abuse.

[RATTER15]

No, I never had the need to frighten my children with lies to make them behave, I achieved that by being a decent parent.

[Cannedgranny]

I don't see where the World is full of quaking sycophants.

[Mamyalynne]

I am amazed I have survived if some of these tales are true - at three years of age the Church was a big building with pretty windows and twinkly candles - how in sixty years have I escaped this terrifying fear.

[naomi24]

Cannedgranny, I didn’t say the world is full of quaking sycophants. I said //Children should be raised to be confident, caring, self-reliant members of the human race – not quaking sycophants.//

Mamyalynne, perhaps you didn’t have parents like Keyplus and Goodlife.

[Mamyalynne]

Ah, so this is to those who are zealous shall we say? My Mother was an RC convert and very wrapped up in the whole thing, my Father was born and raised RC by strict Victorian parents.

Although both were strong believers, I never felt bullied or filled with fear and dread either at home or in the Catholic Schools I attended. I would think that is the best way to turn a child away.

[naomi24]

My parents didn’t tell me that if I didn’t toe Allah’s/Jehovah’s line I would be doomed to eternal punishment/eternal death either – and neither did my church – but Keyplus and Goodlife have very different ideas.

[Khandro]

A responsible parent teaches the child what is right and what is wrong, and enlists any agencies necessary to accomplish this. A little bit of fearfulness over the consequences of doing wrong, eg. being cruel to something defenceless, is not a bad thing if it achieves the right results.
What is wrong with fear anyway? - we all have to experience it sometime. The antidote to fear is bravery, it is the irresponsible parents who attempt to shelter the child from the realities of life.

[naomi24]

Khandro, are you serious? Being aware that a penalty will be imposed for wrong-doing is one thing – an eternity of torment, hellfire, and death is something else entirely. Think about it.

[Khandro]

naomi; You are being over-dramatic; matters eschatological don't loom very large in the mind of a five year old, in fact an understanding of death (let alone "an eternity of torment and hellfire"), doesn't enter a child's mind until much later.

[naomi24]

No, Khandro, I am not being over-dramatic. It's not so much that which enters a child's mind that bothers me - it's that which is implanted into a child's mind by stupid adults! I know a four year old who is obsessed with death because that's what the people around him talk about!