Got To Love This ... Terrible Hotels

[joggerjayne]

Hotels are proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy.

And there are plenty of lists of "best this, best that, etc" hotels.

So here's an amusing list of the world's worst (but still expensive) hotels.

http://travel.amerikanki.com/worst-hotels-in-the-world/

I had to laugh at the one in Turkey, where the pool fills with sewage when it rains, lol. They need a good Polish Plummer to sort that one out.

Happily, there are only two in England. Both in London, of course.

[DTCwordfan]

I could nominate a few...I used to grade mine from -5 to +5 star hotels - never got down to -5 just in case there were worse.....Two in Nigeria (Kano and Lagos, the later purporting to be a Holiday Inn on Victoria Island, the Eko). In Mobile Alabama, there's the Admiral Semmes - which was a disgrace to the Historic Hotels of America. In the UK, I'll nominate the Deep Throat Hotels, sorry, Queens Moat, named because you here every bit of bonking going on in the hotel.

[joggerjayne]

People bonk in hotels ??

[redman41]

Some 'stinkers' there JJ !
You can add 'The Russell Hotel', Weymouth to that list as well.
Doss house of a place, wont stay there again.
Liked Weymouth though.

[joggerjayne]

Oh, Weymouth is lovely.

Okay, I only know the area around the old harbour, which is very jolly.

I can't remember where we stayed.

[DTCwordfan]

I used to be a secret shopper for a major luxury chain....if you knew half the things that go on! My personal hate is finding someone else's pubes in the bathroom, be it the bat, loo or wash basin.

[horseshoes]

We used to holiday in Weymouth when I was very little. Late 50s early 60s. Mrs Perkins guesthouse. Funny things you remember. She had those little ornaments of a Dutch boy and Dutch girl that used to kiss when you moved them close together. I also remember a guy used to make the MOST amazing sandcastles on the beach...... and a open air church service there too.

[joggerjayne]

Ornaments? Aaaaarrrgghhhhh!!!

No no no no no !

Nobody should have ornaments. Especially weird ones like that.

[craft1948]

The worst I've ever stayed in was the Bedford Hotel in Southampton Row, London. The curtains were hanging off the rails, there were holes in the filthy carpets and no sockets in the rooms. If you wanted to use your hairdryer you had to ring housekeeping to borrow an extension lead to use a socket in the corridor.
Breakfast was included but I could never manage to wait long enough for it as I would have been late for work.

[DTCwordfan]

Don't go here then, Jane, though it is rather beautiful and a 1* Michelin.....one more antique in the hotel and the place would collapse as being totally OTT. The owner is the aunt of the Irish rugby winger Tommy Bowe.

http://www.marlfieldhouse.com/

[Buenchico]

When I work away from home, the company I contract for put me up in places that vary between 'luxurious' and 'total dumps'. These two reviews from me (at the top of the pages) give you an idea of what the London ones are usually like:

http://tinyurl.com/pe5h69g

http://tinyurl.com/npcxt6t

[joggerjayne]

Cripes, Chris ... those are detailed reviews!

[Dizmo]

There's a hotel in Grimsby that I'd say is one of the worst hotels in the UK. I've visited a few hotels in my time (not what you think!) and it really does conform to be the worst. I'd tell you the name but I can't as it has changed its name at least 3 times due to bad reviews. I'll try and find it later - got to work on getting a dog re-homed so chow for now. Ooh nice to see you're still frequenting this site JJ :) Cya x

[joggerjayne]

I Googled "worst hotel in brighton" and there was a review for the West Beach Hotel.

The comments included ...

"Worst Hotel In Brighton"

"Horrendous"

"Avoid"

"Absolutely Disgusting"

... and then, as a nice touch ...

"Quite Good Value"

Of course, I like to think that anywhere that far along the front is actually in Hove, not Brighton.

[DTCwordfan]

That's not the worst ranked in Brighton, Jayne...the Brighton Beach Hotel

http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g186273-d565565-Reviews-The_Brighton_Beach_Hotel-Brighton_East_Sussex_England.html

Number 43/43 hasn't yet been reviewed.....

[joggerjayne]

Brilliant, DT.

That hotel has got 46 reviews saying "Terrible"

... and 1 saying "Excellent" !

Someone must have stayed on a good day !!

[jno]

I still remember the Hotel Suez Canal 1956 in old Aleppo - the hole in the (outside) wall - at least that provided a breeze - the blood-encrusted sheets, the half-inch of water on the floor, the functioning toilet - well, that was sort of good but the entire group I was with came in to use it because theirs were busted.

That was in the 70s, I don't think it's there any more.

[joggerjayne]

Nice to see that Legends, Britain's top gay hotel, is up there at number 2.

[DTCwordfan]

My Nigerian candidates were like that. The Kano Central - didn't know whether to sleep on the bed, on the floor, under the bed, the bath and wash basin covered in thick green mould, the shower just about okay for cold water, the toilet, well, not for sensitive AB souls.

The fridge in the room, a compressor type, four bottles of water inside, the seals broken. The one seat, just springs, sat on the table next to the bed and it collapsed, the radio hanging off the wall.

The food - well you sit down and they bring you the menu so "I'll have this and this" - "Sorry, Sir, we don't have that." "Well then, this and this." "Sorry Sir, we don't have that." Lightbulb goes off and one more test, same answer. "Sow what do you have?" "This and that, Sir," "Well, I'll have that." The 4 Nigerians with me, "And we'll have that too." Thank God for their beer being very drinkable.

The privilege of staying in this place, £100+ a night.

[joggerjayne]

Maybe God creates rubbish hotels so that we are even more happy when we turn up and our hotel is fab!

You see ... hotels really ARE proof that God wants us to be happy.

[DTCwordfan]

The Holiday Eko Inn, Victoria Island, Lagos. Approach along the sandy esplanade, rather beautiful but for the lumps in the sand where folk who have been shot are buried - as well as the horse skeletons strewed around.

Phone the Holiday Inn Group and "We have no hotel in Lagos."

An American came in by Pan Am 1 - DC to the west coast of Africa and airport hopping down the coast to Lagos, then Lagos to Nairobi and then around the world, invariably late to Lagos. This one time it was on time, mid-afternoon before rush hour and then when the European planes land - when total chaos breaks out in the airport. I have been there at 11pm, 3 hours after landing, no aircon and the stench..... His first visit to the shyte-hole.

Anyway, his baggage comes up quickly, his passport is stamped, his chauffeur is there and off they go to the EKo ( can be a 3 hour drive - but for him 45 minutes). "All a bit Robin Hood from what I have seen so far."

Check-in is easy (It took 2 hours one time for me) and he's shown to his room - which is half okay.

Then his woes began. He tried to call his company but no joy with the Nigerian phones. He goes to look for a Yellow Pages to check the number. No book so he calls down for one. Nothing arrives.....so he gives up, knowing that they were supposed to be coming around for dinner. Decides to go for a shower and strips down to his shorts, takes his washbag, the water hot (as no one has used it)......

Twenty minutes later and back into the room and everything has gone, his cases, papers, clothers, passport, money, the lot except his shorts and washbag. Blind panic and he calls down, "Help, I've been robbed." Nigerian accent now - "We have no robbers in dis hotel."

That's an absolute joke with some of the unsavouries that you see around and prozzies everywhere......

Anyway, twenty minutes later, he discovers that as he had no yellow pages, a room attendant had been into his room and moved the mountain to Mohammed, despite him being in the bathroom - i,e, shifted him to another room with a yellow pages.......

Just imagine the blind panic that he must have had for that twenty minutes or so. Oh, the 'beloved' Hotel Eko..........