Luna - The ABer Balladeer

[Theland]

Join with me in religious zeal, and venerate one of our most popular and artistic ABers, our very own Lunatus Ticulatis, Luna to you and me.
Honour him with a short story of his antics and musical triumphs, his mastery of musical instruments, and of course his golden cyber voice.

(four or five lines apiece - conditions apply. This does not affect your statutory rights)

[Theland]

When he was a child, nobody sang hymns in Sunday school better than young Luna, whose voice was quickly noticed by the manager of the local Off License, who offered him a .........

[Theland]

..... Saturday job, blowing the dust off the bottles in the wine racks. This is where he met his lifelong friend and bon viveur, Daobi, who even at that tender age was partial to a tipple and a ......

[naomi24]

plate of jellied eels and a chorus or two from Luna of Knees up Mother Brown. Although not widely known amongst ABers, Luna and his best friend Daobi, (who some say sadly suffers with a permanent cold in her dose) grew up to become founder members of the mysterious cult, the Loonies, (not to be confused with the Moonies). Although currently there are only the two founder members, Luna ........

[Theland]

.... and his cousin Fred, who was ordained as a priest, and is widely known for his youth work.
Luna was a musical prodigy, his air guitar being legendary, as legendary as his cooking and talent for ..........

[naomi24]

belting them out with the best of them at the working man's club on a Saturday night. Coo, them woz the days. Pints of brown ale bouncing up and down on top of the joanna as Luna's pianist, the said Fred (who wasn't a founder member of the Loonies - that was Daobi), tickled the ivories, stamping his brown-booted foot in perfect time to Luna's melodious tones. This was of course where Luna .......

[Theland]

..... had his crisis. The music, the crowds, the accolades, they weren't enough! He knew, looking at Father Fred, that there must be more to life. He took stock, and other soup ingredients, and decided that he would .....

[naomi24]

follow the Benedictine monks, Paul Newman and Loyd Grossman into retail, and try his hand at marketing his own range of tinned stew. Recruiting his trusty sidekick, Daobi as chief carrot chopper, Luna, in the deepest bowels of the cellar of his fifth floor flat, began ......

[Mammar]

I'm sorry to interrupt the flow but had to say how much I do love you two -
please - do carry on

[naomi24]

Ahh, thank you Mammar. What a nice thing to say. Why don't you - and anyone else who's reading our tribute to Luna - jump in here with us? Hard to imagine I know, but Theland and I might end up lost for words if no one helps us along!

Right ... on with the story ...... er ....... er ....... well, go on someone.

[Theland]

..... blowing into the handle of his dust pan. A high pitched note ensued, that brought Daobi and the neighbours flocking to hear more. Luna tried several more implements and ......

[naomi24]

upon picking up a couple of spoons, a thoughtful frown furrowed his brow, and studying them rather quizically, he murmered softly 'I wonder?' Holding the handles firmly, with a deft flick of his agile wrist he placed the bowls of the spoons on one jaunty kneecap and .......

[Theland]

.... there and then invented skiffle, Luna style. With his wonderful voice and his trusty spoons, he was soon entertaining vast crowds of people who pleaded with him to stop, but he was .......

[naomi24]

of course confused by this. Why were his loyal fans pleading with him to stop? Were his ears deceiving him? Surely not. Perhaps they were pleading with him not to stop. Still, whatever their message, Luna found he was still not fulfilled, so he put his spoons back in the cutlery drawer, packed away his air guitar in its spangled air case, and decided to .............

[Theland]

.... sing his head off outside of Simon Cowells luxury pad, where he was indded noticed and procured a place on the X-Factor and a night in the cells where he met a wizard who was sleeping off a hangover. The wizard told him to .......

[naomi24]

sing him a song, only very quietly since he had a terrible headache as the result of a surfeit of strong lager. Luna, thinking quickly and quirkily, as always, flicked open his umbrella and launched immediately into a lively rendition of 'Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious'. The wizard ..........

[Theland]

.... beat him over the head several times, in a friendly fashion of course, and then got Luna to sign a contract to sing for the next three months at the W.I. in Stoke On Trent, where his jam making talents would also be .........

[Mammar]

watched, disbelieving (as is his wont) when Luna produced an umbrella, opened it and gently floated up into the air.
"My umbrella against your wand any day, Wizzie! Cor Blimey" he called in imitation of that dreadful cockney accent reminiscent of Dick Van Dyke. "I bet you can't............"

[Mammar]

(oh no! as my dear old mother would have said "we're cross-oppled!" so sorry, oh great Theland - forgive me?)

[Mammar]

(you'll not find that in the OED - it was her word for getting in somebody's way)

[naomi24]

never mind ... onwards ever onwards!!

wow the WI at Stoke on Trent the way you wow the ABers. 'Oh no', cried Luna, 'you just watch me', instantly breaking into a reggae version of 'Boiled Beef and Carrots'. Enthralled, the assembled company............