Do I push the divorce?

[savagj1]

Hi everyone - hope someone can help and calm me down! My partner and I are currently expecting our first child together. He has other children from a previous marriage which has yet to be ended via divorce. My partner lives with me, supports me, wants all that I want for a future together, we are looking for a house together, he is very loving, etc and his "ex" knows that he is living with me and we are having a baby .. she has even taken her wedding rings off and agreed to a divorce but couldnt promise it would be complete before November when our baby arrives.

The thing is, is that I feel I am getting a little impatient or is it my hormones kicking in. I have picked up "divorce" papers for him, which he asked me to do, from the courts but they have been sat in the same position in the house for the past 2 weeks. Recently he said he was going to contact his friends wife, who is a divorce lawyer, for advice, etc but apart from leaving a message on his friends mobile to call him back he hasnt done anything since.

Can someone tell me if I am being too pushy ... is it my pregnancy hormones or do I have something to be moaning on about.

I did ask him the other day if the divorce could at least be half way through by this December which he has promised me it definitely would be and if he broke his promise then I could kick "mary hell" out of him so someone HELP ME before I punch the walls!! Cheers for the advice

Miss Stubborn Paranoid Pregnant One xx

[MrsJ1]

My advice would be to talk to your partner. You seem to get on well in other respects, ask him if there's any reason why he is delaying. Regardless of how settled he is with you, sometimes putting pen to paper and making it all legal is hard to do but as you are expecting a baby together, I think he should be biting the bullet.

PS. Advise against puncing the walls - good plasterers are hard to find! Best of luck!

[savagj1]

I have spoke to him about "why" recently and he said that he has so much to do that sometimes its not always first on his list. He is a self employed mechanic and literally gets harrassed from 7am-11pm so I know he is being honest with what he says. He has made the effort to contact his friends wife, the lawyer, for advice but was only able to leave a voice message for a callback - he hasnt chased it since as he has been so busy.

I know Im being completely irrational about it all but when something grinds at me then I get myself so upset and worked up about it.

I just wish I could get drunk out of my skull for 24 hours!

[gina32]

why dont you start to fill in the forms for him as best you can at least that will give him less to do. how old are the other children?

[xhxmxsx]

is he filing for divorce or his wife?? depending on the grounds it may be done before november!!

[savagj1]

The kids are 17, 11 and 9. I have a copy of the form filled out for him so he needs to do it all in his own hand writing. The last part of the form is about finances, house, etc so he does need to speak with someone with a legal head. Without me telling him that I have had a copy of the forms filled in he called his friend last night and asked for his wife, the lawyer, to call him back with some advice - she was out, so at least he is doing something about it.

After a bit of an episode last night and me turning into "single white female" I have let it all out and told him that I will not mention the subject now til the end of the year and hope the promise he made me is not broken.

I think I have issues with myself to be honest as he is so loving to me, appreciative of the relationship, etc that it is something that I am not used to. Past relationships have left me with a low self esteem when one partner preferred to stick "stuff" up his nose on a regular basis and my last partner flirted on chat rooms with other girls. It has knocked my confidence a bit and Im just feeling a little insecure that someone would love me so much and do all he has to be with me - as in leaving his children (which I feel really bad about).

Anyway, the typical taurean that I am has calmed down for now. I have told him that if my paranoia gremlin appears again and he questions if I am ok - if I say that Im fine but cant speak then all I need is a reassurance hug and to let me deal with it in my own stupid head!!

[gina32]

the form doesnt need to be in his handwriting, thats why i said why dont you fill in as much as you can, as long as he signs it himself thats all that matters. is it really so vital that he gets a divorce so soon or is that your insecurities coming forward again, youve said he loves you and is good to you, just because he gets divorced it wont make any difference to the way he feels about you

[savagj1]

I was just thinking that if I filled it in then she would question the writing and think I was pushing him into it even though she is agreeing to it, etc. Sounds silly doesnt it.

I think it is my insecurities to be honest. Ive never been treated so well in a relationship and I just think its a little alien to me, expecting something to go wrong - which I 100% know it wont. I think also for my own sake, I dont want to be living with him in a years time, if he doesnt move things on himself, and friends still knowing that Im living with a married man (on paper) - I suppose Im just bothered what people think and if they would talk about me behind my back.

I need to get a grip - maybe a drink - ohh how I long for Xmas when I can drink again