Theland, you've confirmed the suspicions I've voiced many times here. You don't love your God - you fear him - and fear is what keeps you believing. Believe in me or else! Some loving God!
Just one rather shaky problem with your philosophy. If your God knows the secrets of all hearts, as we're told he does, he knows precisely why you believe in him. As far as I'm aware, fear doesn't entirely meet the criteria for a ticket into heaven - so after wasting years of your life quaking in your boots at the thought of your potential final destination, you could end up joining those damned atheists in hell after all.
We don't know all the answers, but thankfully, the search for knowledge continues. If it didn't, each and every one of us would be trapped in the mindless superstition of the dark ages, as you are.