How can i apply to change my husbands bail conditions?

[weasle62]

My husband is turkish and after an argument i went to the police, my husband had said that if he couldnt have me then he would kill me and we could be in heaven together. He then cuddled me with a knife in his hand asking me to tell him i loved him. This scared me and i went to the police, i expected them to tell him that sort of behaviour was not acceptable in this country but it resulted in him being arrested and charged with common assault and threat to kill. He was bailed not to contact me or to enter the town where i live. Having thought about it for a couple of days i realised that although yes this did scare me, he had not actually harmed me in any way and the cultural difference and lanugage barrier made the incident seem far worse than it actually was. My husband has never shown violence towards me before. I decided to withdraw my statement to the police . My husband is not a violent man, in his culture to be in heaven together is the ultimate love, it did not mean he was going to kill me . the police have decided to continue with thier prosecution and he will appear at crown court in March 2009. I understand their reasons for continuing with the case but i fail to see how, considering my withdrawal statment clearly states that i do not feel in any danger from him, why bail needs to be set that we cannot contact each other. My husband is sorry for what he did and is horrified that he scared me. I am a disabled person and rely on my husband greatly for help with day to day life. I visited the police and asked that bail be dropped and explained how much i rely on my husband. This is affecting my life, i feel like im the one being punished here. It is detremental to my health that he is not allowed to live with me. Is there anything at all i can do? I need the support of my husband, i am registered disabled and cannot manage with daily life without him. Thank you

[sara3]

1) spotted
2) only the court can vary the terms of bail
3) the man sounds like a fruitcake to me
4) contact Social Services if you need a carer who may not kill you

[sleepyj]

sounds like a lovely man ..NOT !!

[weasle62]

please dont get me wrong, i appreciate your answers but please dont be judgemental, at the end of the day i am the one that needed to forgive him.

[rachael88]

i don't know what to say there i am sorry for this , but u did not know what to do u were scared at the time allot of people would of done what you did , i think it is wrong that the police wont let it drop , is there anyone else who can take care of you like a family member or a friend just for now, i am sure everything will work out at the end xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jugglering]

Weasle62.. how on earth can *cuddling you with a knife* not be considered an act of violence to you ? If this is for real, then I am really GLAD that the UK police are taking this further... your husband needs to be removed from society asap.... Just because you rely on this *person* does not mean you have to be scared into retracting your statement against him. Again, if this if for real, please contact Womens Aid (here's the link - http://www.womensaid.org.uk) for some decent advice.

[dee2912]

are you insane your husband threated to kill you with a knife regardless of what culture he is or what country he is from it is against the law world wide to threaten to kill any1 he ovbiously is a dangerous man!! count yourself lucky and count this as a warning, if he did this to you now what would it be like in 10 years time, so many wifes get beat up by husbands!! if i ever done that to any1 i would expect to be jailed if you have any cop on forget about him move on plenty of good people out there

[rachael88]

but he might of not ment it like that, we don't know that, how long have you been with him for weasle6, how well do u know him xxxxxxx

[Buenchico]

There's an anomaly in your post which has left me rather confused. It arises because you indicate that the police have laid down the bail conditions but a date has been set for a Crown court hearing. That doesn't make sense to me. I'll try to explain why. (I'm not just being pedantic. It has a bearing upon your course of action).

When someone is arrested, and then bailed, they're (fairly obviously) on police bail. It's the police who make the bail conditions and who can vary them.

However, as soon as a person appears before a court, it's the court which makes any bail conditions and only that court (or a higher court) which can vary them. (So it's completely pointless appealing to the police to change the bail conditions, as they're no longer anything to do with the police).

A case can't reach the Crown court without passing through a magistrates' court first. If a date has been set for a Crown court hearing, your husband must have already appeared before a magistrates' court. If so,his current bail conditions were set by the court and not by the police. (Those conditions might be identical to those which were originally imposed by the police but they're still laid down by the magistrates and not by the police).

So the first thing to do is to establish whether your husband's current bail conditions were set by the police (because he's not yet appeared before any court) or by a court (when he appeared before it). Then you'll know who to ask to try to get the conditions varied.

The police or court (as appropriate) might be more inclined to take note of your representations if you're backed up by a representative of an accredited agency, such as Victim Support. I therefore suggest that you get in touch with them:
http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Chris

[weasle62]

we have been married 2 years and together 3, i feel i know him very well, yes he made a mistake and please dont think i am putting down anyone elses domestic violence situation, i fully appreciate that there is a need for the police to act the way they do. The bail conditions are there to protect me i know, but i dont need protecting i need to be able to live without the fear of not being able to look after myself. Yes of course Social Services can help but until you are in a situation where you rely on someone to do the basic of things then with all respect you cannot suggest that i would feel comfortable with anyone else than my husband caring for me.

[weasle62]

Thank you Chris, it was the magistrates court that set the bail conditions

[rachael88]

therefore dont listen to others who are trying to tell you what to do u have been together for years u know him better than anyone else no one on here knows u or him it is your is ure decision no one elses at least u done the right thing when u thoght u were in danger dont worry cos in a way you did do a right thing cos what if u were in danger u have a mind of ure own dont use any one elses , xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[weasle62]

thank you rachael :) x

[rachael88]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxmwah

[Ethel]

For the police to be pursuing this there must be more to it than you are stating - did you show any physical injuries to the police or were you in a highly distressed state when you reported it? Or did he plead guilty?
Has the police has cause to be involved with your husband before?

[weasle62]

No to all questions Ethel

[Ice.Maiden]

Weasle, I can understand how worried you are, but first you say that you don't feel in any danger from your husband, and then that he was horrified that he'd scared you! If you're disabled, then I assume you can claim a Carer's Allowance - which could be paid to anyone to look after your daily needs.
This man may have never lifted a finger to you before, but don't let your needs blind you to the fact that he went to bed with a knife in his hand. What sort of loving partner does that, whatever their beliefs? I think it must've been horrendous for you, and I can't see how you can still want that kind of support.
If you don't get paid an allowance for someone to care for you, then get in touch with the Disability line and explain the problem. If you DO already get it, then do the same, because if your husband's not allowed to have contact with you, then he shouldn't be in receipt of any of this money. Best of luck to you.

[weasle62]

My husband did not go to bed with a knife, i did not say that at all, he had a knife in his hand whilst he cuddled me, he did not threaten me with it at all. He does not recieve carers allowance for me as a Turkish man on a visa he is not allowed resource to public funds.