we just dont get on anymore.

[kitten_uk2]

my son is 4 and half, he has just started full time school this month. he is not very good with speech and sometimes i feel he gets frustrated when he cant tell me what he means. i knew he would be tired on school days, getting up early and spending all day there. so im trying to blame him being so tired the reason why he is just so ratty with me. we are at the point where we just dont get along,, it is starting to upset me. as i work part time too and some days i will only see him for an hour in the moring as im at work at bedtime. every thing is 'no' from him he wont dress or eat meals. i feel i have to bribe him to do simple tasks. and we just scream at each other. i jus dunno what to do with him.

[Ice.Maiden]

Kitten - sorry to hear that you're having these problems, but I think your stress is rubbing off on your little boy. By screaming at him, he's GOING to scream back, and you'll end up with an unhappy and bad-tempered child.
He's onkly 4 and a half, but he may have problems which're holding his speech back. My son was the same, and was found to be autistic, but before that was diagnosed, we took him for hearing tests and all sorts of things. Not being able to express himself properly, could be very distressing for your son, and by shouting at him, he'll feel in the wrong. Is it possible for you to find a job that allows you to work whilst he's at school, so that you have more time together? He probably needs you there, so that you can devote more time to reading with him and helping his speech along. x

[kitten_uk2]

thanx for your answer, we are under the hospital with him seeing pediatritions and speech. he just doesnt know when to stop and kicks and hits me if i tell him off.
i only do 2 late shifts a week. and his dad puts him to bed those nights we always read to him. this morning was another bad episode, and i had to take him to school crying because he gets into such a state.

[Lore]

Hi kitten, I too am sorry to hear you're not getting on too well at the moment. But keep in mind that there have been a lot of big changes in both yours and your son's life.
As Ice.Maiden said, you screaming at him will only teach him how to scream back at you. It's a learned behaviour that will be difficult to change in time if it's not nipped in the bud now.

Have you thought about sitting together with an activity whereby you're both doing something nice together without the pressure of having to get it right - maybe he'll open up to you a little. You could ask some open ended questions - such as, What do you like most about school? Does anyone make you happy in school? (Use words and phrases that are appropriate to his stage of development)

You could always ask to meet with his teacher and then ask to meet with the School's SEN.co. Maybe they could offer you some advice and keep you informed of his progression over the next few terms.

It is difficult when you feel like you're hitting your head against a brick wall, but there are people who can help and there are lots of agencies who can offer support (maybe contact your local Sure Start group)

Start by showing a positive reaction to ALL the good things and ignore the bad things.

I hope things start to improve for you both very soon.

[Ice.Maiden]

Lore's made some very good points there, and I DO know how frustrating this must be for you and your son, kitten, but we, as adults, can control how we react, yet maybe your little boy can't. Shouting at him won't help at all, although I fully understand how you feel. If he can't verbally express himself, then school's going to feel alien to him, and he'll start to tug at children's clothes to get attention - which in turn'll make others think that he's being nasty. Please speak to all the teachers, & get as much professional help as possible. My own son used to hide under desks & wouldn't participate. It was misery for him, as well as for us parents, but when you speak to your son, do so in a gentle manner so that he learns from you. Btw, my own son's 9 now, and doing brilliantly. Best of luck. x

[lil75]

Hi Kitten, my daughter needed speech therapy and was on the special needs registar at school, it was a tough time, watching all the other kids getting on and my daughter wasnt, I used to get frustrated with her and got caught up in the vicious circle that your in...its horrible, what didnt help me is the fact that when I went for parent evenings they were telling me how well she had progressed etc, it wasnt until her last year at juniors that the teacher was brutally honest with me and told me she was very worried about her, it upset me a lot, but it made me take action...lots of reading is vital and also I got a private tutor, it was only �20 a week for an hour, and I tell you that hour a week made such a difference to my daughter, it was worth every penny, you just need to find one that deals with special needs also....best of luck x

[lil75]

Forgot to say that also the private tutoring, provided you get the right one, gives them a lot of confidence within themselves and there abilities x