Now about that investment opportunity I was telling you about .. . yes, you remember, don't you? The one which is totally risk-free but offers returns of at least 200% per annum. I've got my pen ready if you'd just like to sign here on the dotted line . . .
That's probably the same Nigerian guy who promised to make the dimensions of my manhood two-and-a-half times bigger. I paid him a fortune and all I got in return was instructions on how to convert inches to centimetres :(