Spiritual guidance?

[naomi24]

I've been unable to log in to AB for a few days - but this morning EUREKA!! However, I've discovered that, in my absence, China has been shamelessly tempting me with goodies like cheese and grapes in exchange for the key to the wine cellar, and Theland has not only been composing and singing rap - no doubt in an effort to become the star of the Loony Orchestra - he's sentenced me to a truly dreadful fate - the worst punishment imaginable - a month in Chatterbank - and all because I advocated the abolition of the outdated Blasphemy Laws, observing innocently that if they were to be strictly imposed, a great many of us in R&S would now be languishing at Her Majesty's pleasure. This is cruelty indeed!! And him a Christian too!

But that's not the end of it. I now have a further problem. Having managed to log in to AB, somehow I can't bring myself to log out just in case I can't get back in again - so my questions are these. Am I becoming paranoid; should I seek spiritual guidance - and if so, from whom?

[Whickerman]

You should consult with my spirit guide.

Click here...http://www.movieposter.com/posters/archive/mai n/37/MPW-18858

[naomi24]

Whicker, Ah, Jack!! And who better?!! :o)

[Theland]

China appears to be re-enacting the Bible, beginning with the Garden Of Eden, only she is using cheese and grapes instead of an apple to tempt you.
When you give in to the temptation, which you will of course, be sure to give Wizard a bite, to accompany you in your fall from grace.
I shall then stand at the gate with a flaming sword, and banish you forever from the wine cellar, whilst singing an angelic rap!
This is your dream, and that is making you paranoid, and so, yes, you are in urgent need of spiritual guidance.
But, from whom?
I would suggest that you set out on a quest, akin to Christian, in, "Pilgrims Progress," carrying your heavy burden towards the whicker gate and the Slough Of Despond. Slough! There's the clue, that is where your journey must begin.
Send us a postcard when you arrive!

[naomi24]

Slough, Theland? That would make me even more despondent! Although .... mmmm .....I could compromise. Heathrow's not far from Slough, so couldn't you send me to Barbados with my burden? Couple of bikinis, few pairs of sandals - you know the sort of thing. Tough, I know, but the wages of sin, and all that - and I won't complain - honest! I'll probably have to give Whicker's gate a miss though 'cos flights to Barbados don't usually stop off in Ireland. As for giving Wizard a bite, not on your Nelly! He's bad enough now!!

Nay, and thrice nay!! I shall never yield to temptation! I did toy with the idea of crying "Get thee behind me, China", but on second thoughts I'd rather keep her where I can see her. One false move with her, and bang goes the key to the wine cellar!

Hello Brenda Long time, no hear. Where have you been hiding?

[China Doll]

Are you taking my name in vain again Naomi? How very dare you... I'll have you know I've been a positive little Jezzabelle in your absence and since she's a character from the bible she must be really quite holy and saintly.

I've run out of grapes and cheese... how do you feel about warm pittas and homous?

[naomi24]

Pittas and humous, China? 'Ere, you're not one of those sybarites that Brenda's banging on about, are you?

[China Doll]

Wanders off to look for dictionary to see if she's just been insulted or not. Withdraws offer of homous and pitta until investigation has been completed

[naomi24]

China, me, insult anyone? Never!

[China Doll]

So how about that key then?

We can sneak off together, I have homous, pittas, cheese and crackers... we don't need to tell any of the rest of the band. We can say it's a girl thing or something.... Come on, you know you want to!

[naomi24]

Oh no! She's still at it! THELAND!!!! Sort her out, will you?!!!!!

[Theland]

China is also in need of enlightenment, that does not mean a diet by the way!
Also China, you can't sneak off to the little girls room, there is only one room, and we all use it! So far it's the nearest we have come to being flushed with success.
I think we should all light candles, and then sit in silence for a while, and contemplate the important things, like, who's got the corkscrew?

[Theland]

Incidentally, if it doesn't have a ring pull, Wizard won't know what it is!

[Theland]

Tut tut Wizard, you and that Swiss army knife of yours! Is there anything you can't open?

(Theland awaits another filthy bit of innuendo!)

[Theland]

"Ahem! Ladies present!"