depression/anxiety/anger

[dryvanda]

I have just found this site.I am hoping that someone  can help me too In the past 14 months had 3 deaths in my family, have stopped smoking ten wks Married to a gamber 17months, who drinks a lot. He cut back the drinking but last 5 nights he used my visiting son as excuse.He gave up gambling in DecI am always in fear that he will go back to it regardless of the meetings I was'nt aware of the of this before I married you can imagne I put with a lot in short space of time. Never knowing when he will come home, has he money?  am at my wits end.He works at night comes home 2am watches tv makes  bite to eat, sleeps most of the day.I have a young child at school for the past four months I have hardly had a wink of sleep.He wakes me up I am usually  lively bubbly person but now it is an effort to go out only been a dozen times this year to go to the shops. I have aged ten years on top of that I am always totally stressed out, I am screaming at everything ,everyone,crying a lot would just love to sleep for a month.I have suffered depression for years on and off but this is different. I am physically,mentally and emotionally exhausted and frustrated by all this. Always appologising to my kids for my anger .The other night I cried for 6 hours told my husband all that was wrong hoping he would understand yet he came home drunk early hours of this morning telling me I treat him like sh**He does nothing for himself thats  down to me and my teenage daughter. all he is worried about are we still going on holiday he has just paid for it.( this is a first) I feel I am cracking up. I am not on medication except HRT.Would love to know from you out there am I right is he a selfish so and so. or is it my head,the marriage has been off as much as on.I can't take any more  is it I with the major problem I don't know any more.HELP.

[Casey]

What an awful situation you are in, I have great sympathy for you. Well from what you have said you are right in saying he is a selfish so and so, and you should get out of your relationship now for your own sake and for your childrens sake. It is completely unhealthy for all of your family and if he is not even willing to try and make an effort then what's the point? Get yourself together and just go. It will probably be a huge wake up call for him if you do that because right now it seems he is the one treating you like sh** and you don't deserve it at all.

[butter1]

I totally agree with Casey.  You should tell him to leave...pack his things and tell him to go!  This is not good for you or your children.  Once he see's that you won't be around to pick up after him then he will soon realise what you are worth!  But saying that, he should have realised that in the beginning.  Be strong and do what you think is right.

[Robinia]

Dryvanda, so much of this is familiar to me. You've had a terrible time with bereavement & although I've never smoked I'm sure that giving up must be hard, so well done for that. You obviously have a husband who is very unsupportive & has problems of his own that need sorting, but until he admits his faults he'll never change. The drinking, I know, multiplies all the problems by 100.

The first thing I would suggest you do is visit your GP & tell him/her how you feel.  They may offer anti-depressants to give you a lift - it's up to you whether that's what you want.  But what they really should do is maybe send you for some general blood tests just to make sure that your feelings don't have a physical cause.  This was a big mistake that I made thinking that everything I was suffering from was simply down to the situation - I was actually ill (not saying this to add to your worries, it's just better to get checked out). You need to stay strong for your children.

Do you have a friend/relative that you could get out with during the day? If only to go shopping or swimming maybe & have a break from your four walls.

It's so hard but try & get yourself feeling a bit better & calmer before you decide what to do about your marriage.  I can't tell you to throw him out, but unless he makes an effort & quickly it may be the only way forward.

[jno]

Have to agree with the other answers, it's not in your head. Your first responsibilities are to your daughter and yourself. Have you got somewhere to go? If not perhaps other contributors have suggestions

[moocow]

I totally agree with the others.

I'm in the same kind of situation and have moved into my own place 6 months ago.

Its not better yet but the depression is gone and I'm so much happier.

Get yourself out and live for you and your daughter.

It'll get easier, I promise.

[milly1984]

I have to agree with everyone else, you deserve loads better and he is saying you treat him like ****?? ** seems he is trying to lower your self esteem! Rise above his patheticness and tell him where to go!! Try and imagine how your life will be in years to come if you stay with him....by the sounds of it now it won't be good at all. Get out now for yourself and for your kids. Good luck

[Clare A]

Such good advice as always from the good souls on here! I really couldn't add any more...

[Elfin]

May I suggest that the very first thing you do is find a way to get some decent sleep?  Could your youngest stay with a friend/relative for a few days or more?  If your husband wakes you in the night, then maybe you could find somewhere else to get the rest you need for a while.

When you are deprived of sleep as you describe, there's no way you can be making any sort of life-changing decisions.  Make it your priority and things will be clearer afterwards and you'll be strong enough to handle the rest as you see fit.

[WaterBearer]

i would suggest only to go on medication as a last resort. I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and became quite a hermit, my life became routined in case something else triggered an attack...its all psychological  with anxiety and depression i tried to train my thoughts and it worked. I thought of someone else in a worse situation than me and there always is somewhere. I thought ive had anxiety before and dealt with it and i can deal with it again. If your positive (i know its hard) you will come through it all. Things happen for a reason and i hope in the future it all becomes clear.

 

 good luck............. 

[dryvanda]

thank you to everyone who helped me with their advice it was very much appreciated and yes I havemanaged to benefit from some good nights sleep. I have also decided on trying st john's wort so here is hoping.