marital dilemmas

[seashell]

My husband and I have been together for two and a half years.  At the start of this summer he joined a cricket club and has been playing cricket three times a week, practice one night a week then a game saturday and sunday (which last from about 12.30 til 8ish at night).  At first it was saturdays only, which was fine, although I would have liked to have been able to do stuff together on the weekend etc.  Now he is going sundays as well and I am starting to feel quite hurt that he would rather be playing cricket all weekend than spending time with me.  We used to spend a lot of time together, but now it feels like the only time we are really together is at night in bed watching telly and sleeping.  I feel quite fed up at the moment because we are supposed to be starting a family, which he wants, but yet I sort of think I would rather things were more sorted between us first rather than bringing a little person into the picture when I am not feeling too positive about our prospects. 

It may seem melodramatic, but the definite message I am getting is that he is not too bothered about spending time with me, and that does hurt.  I have tried asking him to limit the cricket to one day a weekend (and practices of course) which I think is a reasonable request, but he doesnt seem to want to do that. 

I am sorry for this long story.  My question really is can anyone offer any advice, or give any opinions as to what they think I should do?   

[VINNY100_2]

Why not go along with him and watch the cricket!!you are bound to meet other wifes/girlfriends.you just might enjoy it.And you might meet some people you could socialize with.get invites to there homes /partys etc.goodluck( :)

[barender]

I agree with Vinny100_2 - I grew up with cricket as my mother used to go with my father who played all the time and I've been enjoying it all my life. Most blokes love sport of one kind or another and so do lots of girls. (If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!) I'm sure it's not because he'd rather play cricket than be with you. You might be surprised if you started going along and he'd probably be really pleased and proud to have a wife that supported him and it could strengthen your relationship rather than undermining it. And you will meet other wives/girlfriends which might expand your interests/social circle. If you ask someone to stop doing something they really enjoy, it can, in the end, cause resentment. Don't forget, it will give the child (when it grows up a bit) an interest to share with it's father. Doesn't have to be a boy either - I'm a girl.

[undercovers]

it hasn't gone on long (start of this summer) - so maybe give it a while, he will prob lose his initial "love" of the game after a while. Though i agree you should go to the games, I guess they must be travelling around a bit for different games so it could be a nice way to get out in the sun, and with cricket he won't be occupied the whole day so you'll get to spend time with him and the other wives / girlfreinds etc. sounds like fun, and as andy says if your starting a family not much time for that sort of thing in the years to come - enjoy yourself

[libertie]

Have to say that I don't entirely agree with previous posts, while I accept that most men have an interest in sport I think its a little unreasonable to play ALL weekend.  If you find something to keep yourself occupied at the weekends then you will spend less and less time doing things as a couple, and if and when junior comes along which one of you is going to have to give up their weekend pursuits to spend time with baby........

[barender]

You take the baby with you as my parents did with me (and my sister) and as I did with my children. Having a child does not mean you have to stay and home and miss out on things - that's what can cause problems in relationships. We're not talking about taking them down the pub, we're talking about providing them with healthy pursuits, getting them out in the fresh air. When we were kids there were always other kids to play with at the cricket matches - fond memories, summer days, picnics . . and when they're babies, there are other mothers to talk to and share things with. 

[libertie]

Yes barender I totally agree that having a baby certainly does'nt mean that you have to stay home, the point I was trying to make (maybe badly)! is that taking a baby with you is fine as long as you both enjoy the same thing. If you both end up doing different things then looking after baby can then become an issue!

[Hendrix55]

It seems to be that where a sport is involved people just can't stop themselves... My mum, who did no sport for 30 years, is now a tennis maniac and is out most nights and twice on a weekend. I agree that it's not that they don't enjoy spending time with their partner, just that they really enjoy it.  It obviously can get out of hand though, and it would be really unfair if you had a baby and had to look after it on your own all the time while the cricket was on. Is there a sport/activity you could do together (running, tennis, cycling)? 

My brother's best friend even went out to play cricket on the evening of the birth of his third child, leaving his wife at home with two toddlers and a new born having been in labour all day the day before...

[seashell]

Thank you so much for all your answers.  I really appreciate getting everyone's opinions.  This is definitely helping me to see things in another light.  I know that he loves the game, and that is why he is so enthusiatic about it, and yes it is a new hobby so I suppose you would be really keen at the start.

The thing about it that I do think is good is the health aspect, it is good exercise etc which can only be good.  It is the whole weekend thing that bothers me, but since so many of you have suggested going along to watch I think I will try that because like you say I might really enjoy it, and meet other wives/partners in same position as me.  Also the idea about me finding something else that I like to do on the weekends is a good plan too.  I think I will try both and see how I get on. 

I hadnt thought of cricket being a family day out type of thing before, probably because i have never been, so it is good to get feedback from people who do know it and enjoy it.  Maybe it would be good to go to with a baby, when we get to that point.

I definitely feel a lot more positive now, thank you so much, it was really starting to get me down, and I dont like feeling like that!  Any other advice/ideas etc would be gladly received, and any insider tips on understanding the game or what goes on at a game would be welcome!