What do you think of my new song I recorded?

[jeffgreggs]

Hi, I recorded my new song, please listen on sound cloud, .com/jeff_greggs01/yesterday-jeff-greggs

Please listen and let me know what you think! My mic is awful, apologies for the poor quality!

YESTERDAY


A tear falls from my eye
A lonely raindrop from the sky
Your eyes burning embers of a flame
In the dark I called your name
How can I fully express?
How I wish to fix this mess

Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday

When I first saw your face
You made my heart quicken pace
I looked at you, you looked at me
I went weak at the knees
I took your hand, to you I said
“I choose my heart over my head”

You were the light to guide my way
The moon at night, sun in the day
Every day was like a dream
Fish swimming in the stream,
Birds flying through the air,
In your eyes, a loving stare

Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday

What a price I was to pay,
When, on my cold and darkest day
You looked at me with vacant eyes
And took your hand away from mines
It ended there, no words to say
Yesterday became today.

I can’t bear to see you now
Your hand in his, I question how
Your love for him is to plain to see
Our love a distant memory
Why can’t things ever be
like they once were in our dreams?

Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday
Yesterday, in your eyes I’d stare
And run my fingers through your hair
I’d feel your heart beat as we lay
But, that was yesterday

[Mamyalynne]

http://soundcloud.com...yesterday-jeff-greggs

[ttfn]

May I ask how old you are, jeff?

[jeffgreggs]

Hey, Im 19!

[Mamyalynne]

I am in no way musically trained but know what I like, I hope you want a straight appraisal.

I like the lyrics mostly but the delivery lacks depth and becomes rather monotone and flat, I am sure you can work on it, good luck in all you do.

[cupid04]

A couple of little tweaks and you may soon see it on 'night song from mamya!'

[ttfn]

Thanks, jeff.

I agree with Mamyalynne. Your lyrics are intense - just a little too poetic for my liking. Your music and singing is too flat for my taste and seems rather doleful. I don't mean to be unkind, jeff. Our ages are miles apart and I don't think you would appreciate my musical tastes. But never give up on what you really enjoy doing. Good luck :)

[TheWinner]

Hi jeff, you have a nice voice, but every line of the song is sung to exactly the same tune, you need a middle eight for variation. It's also a bit too long. Are we any good as a judging panel?

[jeffgreggs]

Thanks very much for all your input everyone! Its really helpful!

[ttfn]

Well done, jeff, glad I have not upset you. You are young still - just keep trying and you may well get there

[Cockney_si]

I like the "bad quality" of the track, it reminds me of listening to old vinyl of Simon and Garfunkell or something, but your voice lacks a certain warmth.
You can inmprove on your vocal technique though, you need to "push" out the words, you can practice this in a small room (or in a car with the windows closed).
Put your hand a little bit in front of your mouth and practice pushing the vocals through it, gently. when your voice is fully warmed up, there will be a certain warmth apparent when you push.

Good luck !

[Duncer]

I have to agree with the other posters Jeff - lots of potential there but too samey. You really do need a middle eight to heighten things and increase the intensity, perhaps a slight variation at the end too, just to hook the listeners.