Crosswords1 min ago
Elderly Driving Deterioration
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We have a bit of dilemma and don't quite know what to do about it. Our grand daughter came to see us today and was in a bit of a state. She had been brought home from University, about 3 hour drive, by her other grandfather (her mothers father - her mother and our son are her parents).
She said her grand dads driving has deteriorated a lot since she last drove with him, and she said it was an extremely stressful journey. He was swerving about quite a bit, keeping in his lane on the motorway, but not keeping a straight path. She said he was quite aggressive, always desperately wanting to get past the car in front, and getting quite angry when they were going slower than he deemed appropriate. He has always been a bit like that on the road, but she said it was much worse.
She also told us that her mothers sister would not go with him in the car, and her husband was in agreement with that. Her brother also told us he is concerned about this subject. I haven't been in the car with him since last year, and at that time I thought the short time he did any driving, he was a little erratic, but we were in france, in a uk drive car, so thought that as he hadn't drive abroad for some years, that might be the reason She said though that it's much worse than he was last year.
One of our other grand daughters said he tried to cut them up on the road on the way from a funeral to the wake, he didn't know it was them, and did apologise when he found out, but nevertheless she thought he was driving a bit unsafely.
We have been friends with this person and his wife for many years, and my husband and him were work colleagues for many years also. He was a professional driver (HGV) for many years, and simply couldn't even begin to contemplate that his driving has got really quite bad.
None of his family dare to raise this subject directly. His wife can't ever say anything about his driving because all he says to her is what do you know you can't drive.
I feel that maybe my husband should raise this subject, but he is very unwilling to do so. If we ever go out in the car with them he always does the driving now, so he does recognise the issue. I recognise, as does my husband that no-one has the reaction times that they had when younger, and he has definitely moderated his driving to take account of this, as have I. But not so in this case.
Has ayone been in this situation with a family member, this is what we consider him to be, and how did you deal with it.
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No best answer has yet been selected by iloveglee. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.Ahhhh been there done that with my late husband also an ex HGV driver. He would tell me he had driven more miles in reverse than i had forward..in other words, shut up.
I begged him to give up when he was well into his 80s. Until one day we had 2 passengers in the back seat..all family..he insisted on overtaking a large lorry coming off a round about. I was in the passenger seat getting nearer and neater that big big wheel that started crumbling the side of the car...etc . He stopped the car when we all shouted hom to stop.
The police came..took his license..as they are tending to do to elderly drivers these days.
He did say it was the hardest thing get had to do giving up driving.
I'm unsure how you can get round the problem unless you ask advice from the police?
Perhaps someone should mention this to him and, possibly, challenge him to take it.
https:/
It's all laid out here from Age UK ...
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If our society was considerably more sympathetic towards the elderly's transport needs, than a blanket upper age limit would be more acceptable. I had always intended to give up at 80 (although dreading the consequences and doubting my willpower when the time came). Then just one month prior to my 80th birthday I suffered a TIA (mini-stroke) which affected my peripheral vision to an extent which lost me my licence anyway (ironically, I can still pass the roadside vision test).
I had always said ill give up when I'm 80 or before if im not 100% confident.. By that time I was the only driver and I felt confident..
Then came lockdown..I never used the car for a few months. First time in it I was only intending a short journey...pheww those vehicles seemed to be whizzing along.
Once home I said that's it I'm not driving again. Husband panics..now what will we do...taxi was my answer.
I have to say I'm now housebound with no transport. But I'm safe!!
Some really insightful responses here. The 'ive driven more miles backwards' made me smile, although it's not funny. I'm sure I've heard him say just this, maybe its an hgv driver thing.
Get him to take a challenge - not a chance. He already thinks he is one of the best drivers going, years of experience etc etc. Although I know one of his daughters won't go in the car with him, I'm not sure he knows, as it's something that rarely if ever needs to happen.
He is just about the most difficult person in the world to address anything like this, because basically he'll either get angry, or he'll just ignore what everyone is saying.
I do believe the best way around this, is for none of the family to agree to taking a lift from him no matter how desperate they are.
I had this same issue, she would not give up driving and claimed to be perfectly safe despite having cataracts and difficulty walking!
Took an accident even though she was to blame she blamed the other driver of course. It took some very blunt conversation to convince her in the end that and telling her how much it could cost her if she was sued!!
I have a mate who's 93 who still thinks he's a good driver. I've known him for 40 years and he once was a very good driver but now he's all over the place and like yours doesn't realise it. It's increasingly a struggle for him to get insurance so I think he'll be priced off the road, hopefully before there is some sort of disaster. The funny thing is his insurance is a lot more than getting a cab when needed.
Someone could contact DVLA for advice if he's in Great Britain.
This is regarding drivers with a medical condition
"0300 790 6806 between 8am and 7pm Monday to Friday, and between 8am and 2pm on Saturdays. If you have hearing or speech difficulties, contact us by textphone on 0300 123 1278. This number will not respond to an ordinary phone."
Tricky isn't it. I fully understand how difficult it is to recognise your limitations yourself, for years I simply couldn't get my head around the fact that I am now not able to lift heavy things in the garden. It took an injured shoulder, very painful too, to make me understand I simply had to moderate my behaviour in the garden.
I was the only one to be injured though, sadly when people who drive are no longer as safe as they should be, it isn't necessarily them, or the people in their car that get injured.
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