Depressed,how do i approach my GP to tell him? isn't he supposed to tell me?

[betterman]

I have been suffering from what i believe is depression for a while now, it all started when i was made redundant last year after 11 years and my mum died the same week.
I had not spoken to my mum for about 23 years, after she moved away with a man she had met when i was only 7,and left me to live with my nan who then brought me up, after she left she would ring regular and say that she was coming back soon or i could go visit her etc... but this just did not happen and the phone calls got less frequent.
Although we never spoke, my wife would send her regularly photos of our 2 children and xmas cards etc..
In turn she would sometimes send cards to my kids, her grandchildren who she never made an effort to come and see once, she lived about 11 miles away, my daughter was 8 when my mum passed and she would not have been able to pick her out in a line up.
I do remember my earliest years of life and my mum spent every minute she could with me and the memories are fantastic, but about 2 years after she had left i found out about the bloke she had left with, it was her own uncle and this caused a lot of trouble within the family at the time as you can imagine but it was all kept from me at the time.
I have been asking myself the same questions for over 20 years, How could she choose him over me, her own son who was only 7 at the time?
Why was there so little contact from her to me?
Why, when my children were born did she never make the effort to come see them?
When she left when i was 7, i only saw her about 8 times up until i was 30 and this would be funerals etc.. she saw my daughter once for 5 minutes at my nans after one of those funerals, she just asked how she was as though she were just passing her in the street, she didn't even touch her or hold her.

[beryllium]

Hello betterman :)
I can't obviously answer your questions as to why? but I do understand where you're coming from.
My ex was brought up by his nan, the mother ran off. The father was too busy to care.
Mr x didn't understand and he never asked her why.

For you now, as she's gone, I don't think you're doing yourself any good by going in ever decreasing circles.

What do you think?

I also cannot say yes, go to the docs and get some antidepressants. They may well help, but unless you get to go and chat to someone aswell? all they do is add seratonin, and that's not gonna answer your questions now is it?

There is a service called cruse bereavement.... this link...

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

and of course The Samaritans are an instant help too 08457 90 90 90

Has any of your family members got any answers at all for you, other than the fact it was an uncle. Did she ever talk to anyone? Is the uncle still alive? Can he shed any light on her behavior?

Betterman. It's a good name huh? Be that. :)

[sunflower71]

Regardless of your history with your mum, you have suffered a lose and grief is a funny thing, effecting people differently. This event has caused you to analyse the situation more, thats why you are asking yourself all these questions.
GP's arent really that good at dealing with subjects like this and therefore just give you drugs, which I would not recommend, if you do then you find it gets worse before it gets better.
You need to talk to someone, wheather it be a counceller, a healer, a good understanding friend.
A new hobbie or activity would help (excerise, decorating, college course, restore a car etc) anything to occupy your mind.
Unfortunatly these problems (ie depression) doesnt really go but you have to learn how to deal with it in your own way.

Good luck with it all betterman i am sure things will work out in the end.

[baileybird]

hey betterman

you really are a betterman. It is a lot to hold in all those years and I think you are mounring the opportunity of asking your mother for answers.

You should go to the doctor and tell them you need a double appointent.

If it is difficult to talk about, why not drop a letter in to the doctor voicing your concerns before the appointment and he will start the ball rolling.

I think you need counselling - it works wonders and helps you to close a door on matters.

I know from experience you need to resolve the issues with yourself as antidepressants do not make the issues go away.

It is like sticking a plaster on a boil before it is lanced.

Good luck

In my thoughts

Heidi