I am at my wits end

[dinkleboo]

I dont know why I have posted this question but I am furious and need to vent! I met my partner 2 years ago, and his parent hit the roof when they found out about me as I have 2 children, they told him he is wasting his life with someone like me and refered to me as a scumbag etc, this went on for a good few months until the relationship carried on and they realised we wasnt going to split up. They used to arrange dinner parties and invite my fella and not me, which wasquite hurtful. After 11 months they decided they were ready to meet me minus my children.....I went along with this for my partners sake and was polite etc, after approx 6 months they decided it was time to meet my children. The children were polite and respectable in there home, I couldnt have asked for better behaviour from them. We have been invited to other things and we have attended, but I find it frustrating when my little boy is sitting there fed up and the adults are all fighting for my partners nephews attention, it just really grates on me.

A month ago his sister got married and I was invited to the wedding without the children, I went BUT only for my partners sake, I really didnt want to go, but made a good effort to mingle and chat to people I didnt know, and everyone said how much they liked me to my fella. When it was time for the bride and groom to have pics taken, there was a family pic, which included the bride (his sister) n groom, her parents (my fellas mum n dad), the other sister and her husband, also my fella, minus me in the pic.....I was standing there like a lemon while people were looking at me like, why isnt she in the pic, infact I wasnt asked to be in any of the photos, that really was my last straw and since that I have gone with what I want and do not want anythin to do with his family ever again, they have made me an outcast for long enough and I cant tolerate it anymore, I wont do it to myself or my kids.

[dinkleboo]

Tonight they are doing a fireworks night and I told my fella I wasnt going to go and explained my reasons why, I told him I didnt want to make him piggy in the middle, nor did I want to make him unhappy,but explained that I had to think about myself, and the thought of going was just stressing me out. He accepted what I said and agreed that none of it was my fault. Moments before he left to go without me,he started mouthing me off and defending them, I was dissapointed as he knows the truth. I would never make him pick or choose just wanted him to understand, so why the sticking up for them before he left???

[dinkleboo]

Thanks poodicat, I think he is too scared too! They wont let him grow up despite the fact that he now lives with me and has done since january, they ring him over the most pathetic things, reminding him that his car tax needs renewing and despite him telin them that I was going to get it for him his father went on and on saying he would do it online fo him, my fella axtually stood his ground then, but 5 mins later his dad rung back again and said, ill do it over the phone for you! His mum will go out and get all his xmas presents and tell him how much he owes her and doesnt consult him on the price???? It just winds me up as I think we should be doing that as a couple GRrrrrr!!!!

[carrot99]

my question dinkleboo is why did he go at all?? either you're a family or you're not - why would he go anywhere without you let alone to his family? he needs to sort his priorities out and sharpish. How dare he leave you and the kids behind - he should have taken you all out. I'm fuming for you!

[naomi24]

Poodi's right, he should stand up for you. How old is he?

[cazzz1975]

he is in a rock and a hard place, he feels loyal to his parents and to you, he needs to speak to his parents about this situation, he needs to make them understand what they are doing is not fair on you or your children. it will only get worse if he continues to wear blinkers

you need to make him understand how hurtful it is to be treated like an outcast and how hurtful it will be for your children in years to come to be treated in the same manner. If he is not prepared to at least talk to them then the prospects for the future of the relationship does not bode well

[naomi24]

I agree with Carrot too. You are a family unit, and you should be his first priority.

[dinkleboo]

Carott99, if said that he would say, well you was invited but you dont want to go!
Naomi24, he is 32 and im 34

[naomi24]

And has he always lived at home with his parents until he met you?

[dinkleboo]

naomi24, yes!

[naomi24]

Oh dear! I hate to say it, but this doesn't bode well for the future, dinkleboo. How many years can you live with that? Maybe you and he should have a serious chat.

[cazzz1975]

agree with naomi, chances are they will always be like this... mummies boys... notorious!

[carrot99]

I still can't believe he went without you - at the least he should have taken the kids with him. Although I'm sure they've picked up on being unwanted and would have felt awkward even if they wanted to go to the party.

Does he act as a father to your kids the rest of the time dinkleboo and it's only when he is being the `child' of his own family that you have this problem with him?

[naomi24]

Notorious indeed! Absolutely fatal to any relationship. A wife/partner shouldn't be expected to play second fiddle to anyone - no matter who it is - and neither should she accept it.

[naomi24]

Got to go out now, dinkleboo, but I wish you all the best. x

[dinkleboo]

To be honest carott99, he is childish in general, I find he tells the children off if they need telling, but is too busy with his hobby to actually do anything nice with them, he interacts with them, but I wouldnt say he was a replacement father,certainly not

[dinkleboo]

Thanks Naomi, have a good night! x

[ruthann58]

dont give up dinkle i married a mummys boy i remember when she bought him a lovely piece of steak and gave it to me to cook for his tea nothing for me or our son ! 33 years on we are still married ,be strong i came out on top in the end