the ex-family..

[sara3]

when I split from my husband many years ago, his family were really nasty to me. they wouldn't let me see their kids but revelled in the fact that they could see mine (thanks to my ex) and I wasn't childish enough to try to stop that.

so, after many years of nothing.. one of the "kids" sent me a "friend request" on Facebook. I was quite chuffed, she's 23 now and we swapped a few messages that quickly tailed off. I was aware that she could then show my profile to all of the bitter and twisted family, which I didn't feel comfortable with, but there's nothing very personal on there.

I don't used Facebook much now, but have just received a friend request from the niece's partner. I don't know him, the niece isn't even messaging any more, and I feel uncomfortable about it. it's not an olive branch as a 20(ish) year old lad I've never met isn't about to invite me over.

is it rude/wrong to deny the request?

[DungeonJayne]

Wouldn't it be more wrong to accept it when you are uncomfortable about doing so ?

[daniela31]

Maybe he has seen your name on her list and thinks he knows you because he has heard your name mentioned perhaps in the family.
You don't have to accept if you don't feel happy about doing so.
Why not send your niece another message, just asking how she is getting on now? She might not even know her bloke has tried to contact you.

[sara3]

you're right, Jayne. I guess that after all these years I still want to look like the one who's being fair, but in reality they're a right shower who have treated me like sh*t.

the friend request just unsettled me.. I need to toughen up!

[sara3]

thanks Daniela, but I told her before that she's always welcome here and she didn't follow it up.

Facebook is a strange thing. people do just add you because you're on someone else's list. maybe he doesn't even know who I am!

[~Wingnut~]

Hi Sara :o)

It could just be that he is wanting to increase his friends list so it looks like he has lots of them, he may not even realise or know the connection between you and his girlfriend. He also could have sent another 50 requests that day from her friend list for all you know.

I totally understand where you are coming from about wanting to be the one who is being fair, I'm the same, we need to toughen up together lol

Just don't accept it and move on, it's your choice no-one elses and you shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone :o)

[natalie_1982]

I would just ignore the request, if you hit "Ignore request" he would be none the wiser, and should the unlikely event occur that it comes up in conversation then you can act dumb and say you never received it.