Memory problems

[Barmaid]

My OH has a really really terrible memory. It's actually reached the point where it is no laughing matter because he simply forgets to do really important things or tell me about really important things. He has missed two medical appointments and is now going to be removed from the register which is something that we can do without given that he needs medication for depression.

I've put a calendar up on the wall on which he is meant to write down appointments, which I then check and tell him and keep reminding him. That doesn't work because he forgets to put things on the calendar!!!!! Short of frisking him when he walks in the house I just don't know what to do.

He is really distracted at the moment fighting a big legal case so that doesn't help, but can anyone suggest ANYTHING at all I can do to help him remember the stuff he needs to. Trouble is, if I tell him more than twice he accuses me of nagging and tells me to shut up so I do and then he bloody well forgets to deal with whatever he was meant to deal with.

It's really doing my box in.

[ChuckFickens]

http://www.amazon.co....05128524&sr=8-1-spell

[jackthehat]

Can you get him an Organiser (electrical or otherwise) ? He might be more inclined to write something in 'immediately' and you can go snooping a bit later on when he's asleep/in the bath, etc.

A nice retro-filofax might be good ?

[mccfluff]

i put everything on my phone calendar or outlook as soon as i get told, mind you you need to remember to carry your phone around

[wolf63]

I leave myself notes and stick them in my bra - would he wear a bra?

[Barmaid]

Nice idea Chuck. Trouble is, if he forgets to write stuff on the calendar, he'll forget to put stuff on there.

Apart from the fact that he loses his mobile (on average) twice a day (normally left in a car somewhere) and if he remembers it, he forgets to turn it on.

Honestly, I really could cry at the moment - trouble is, he has become so obsessed with this bloody case it takes over everything. He can think about nothing else.

[China Doll]

Bet my suggestion in that exploring downstairs if there's a loud noise thread is looking pretty good now! ;0)

I have a fairly hopeless brain outside of the working day so I too have everything on a calendar and am pretty good at keeping it updated. Some of the docs here have those blackberry things so they access their emails here and their diaries, would something like that help?

[AB Editor]

Chuck's idea is good.

Then he can be like Dale Cooper, FBI agent, from Twin Peaks.

Real answer: make him use his Blackberry properly. Not sure how.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0iaR3mFdxE

[LoftyLottie]

Hi Barmaid,

Is this not a medical problem, perhaps associated with his depressive condition? If so how can he be removed from the register. He needs help rather than something that will make him worse.

Mr LL has had memory problems since a really massive heart attack two years ago and I understand how awful it can be. I lose my patience all the time because he swears he has told me things he hasn't and also insists I haven't told him things which I have. I get the 'nagging' comment too and get accused of treating him like a child.

I can't really suggest anything, but perhaps Chucks, recommended gadget might help.

[Barmaid]

He does like gadgets Jack, so I might try that one. He would be useless with a paper based thing, but I suppose an electronic thing might help. I could do without spending a lot of money though.

Fluff, lol. That, if nothing else, has given me a laugh today.

[Old_Geezer]

He sounds as if he's at where I feel I'm heading.

Yeah, but he has to remember to go to the calendar and write stuff in, which even if remembered occassionally is difficult if enthusiasm is low. But with something on your person, it is less of a problem. It can be done immediately that the need to list something is known.

[PringlesQueen]

Hi Barmaid
Did his loss of memory coincide with his starting the medication for his depression?

[tamborine]

Back of hand for days memos. Or mobile memo with alarm.

[Barmaid]

China - I've only just seen your answer there. It did make me laugh.

Lottie - your answer made me cry because at least someone understands how frustrating this is. His memory has got demonstrably worse over the last 6-8 months. The court case has not helped because that is "all consuming". He has had CBT but seems to have been discharged from that. Taking him off the register at the doctors will not help because then he won't get his anti-depressants and then things will become far far worse.

Ed - the problem I have is, even if I got him such a device he will forget to take it with him. Although i do think technology may be a short term solution.

[China Doll]

I just think that as a legaly minded person, you missed a trick there! ;oP

[Barmaid]

Sqasal - for the two years I've known him he has had a bad memory, but it was about 7 months ago he was diagnosed with depression and put on anti depressants. It is so bad now it is ridiculous.

I have got so frustrated with him today because he has forgotten to tell me about two really important things that I could have dealt with. Just like Lofty he SWEARS he has told me stuff and SWEARS I haven't told him stuff. A case in point today was he asked me a question and I told him the answer. An hour later he asked me the very same question to my utter bemusement (given that we had discussed it).

He is going out tonight. Think I shall go sit in the garden and have a good cry.

[LoftyLottie]

Oh Barmaid, I get so upset as well. It's really horrible and you begin to doubt yourself as well. We have long conversations about things, make decisions and then he can't even remember the conversations let alone the decisions and tells me we haven't spoken about it. I know this was related to his heart attack and he admits to having a bad memory but he still argues with me about things.

He actually gets really heated about it all, and I think deep down he knows he has forgotten but tries to save face.

Take care - take a bottle of wine out in the garden with you!!

[PringlesQueen]

Barmaid, amnesia is a complicated condition. Its causes can be quite simple (such as a vitamin deficiency) to more complex psychological causes.
Would your OH be amenable to registering at a new GP practice and talking to the new GP about his symptoms?
If he is running out of his medication and the current GP surgery will not supply another prescription is there an NHS walk in centre he could go to and obtain a new prescription?

[LoftyLottie]

P.S. Can he not register with another practice and explain the circumstances? Everybody has a legal right in this country to be able to see a doctor surely. He can always register as a temporary patient to get his medication. What a horrible medical practice to take someone of the register for missing 2 appointments.

We only have one medical practice in our town so god forbid if we got struck off!!

xx

[LoftyLottie]

Great minds think alike and obviously simultaneously ;o)

[LoftyLottie]

Stress can play havoc with your memory too. It does with me!!