I Believe A Malicious Rumour Was Said Behind My Back, How Should I Deal With It

[LostSoulx]

I was in a job for a couple of months, when a girl called Sarah started too. Being in a male dominated enviroment it was a welcomed change.

I got on really well with Sarah, she seemed to have such a lovely personality and a beaming smile, we would talk all day in work and on many occasions we would chat away as we left work to go to our cars. It certainly made working in this job easier,

Then all of a sudden one day, I was walking up the corridor and she was walking towards me, I said "Hi" and she just looked me straight in the eye with a look of disgust and then turned away.

I was really shocked and to the point where I didnt even say anything, I just thought maybe she was having a bad day or something. Well things changed, Sarah no longer spoke to me that much, and didn't seem interested in anything I had to say, I felt shunned.

There was another girl there however called Linda, she had not long been their either and we continued to get on. She even asked me to wait on and walk down with the two of them, which didnt seem to impress Sarah.

The final straw came however when Linda finally changed, it was about two days later. I came into the room and she didnt say hi, she didnt speak much at all and if anyone made a joke aimed at me she would laugh histerically which she did not do before.

I decided to have it out with Linda first, I asked her had Sarah said anything to her because I noticed Sarah had been very different with me, I pointed out that she gave me a dirty look, and didnt seem happy walking from work with me etc.

Linda just got defensive and said "I am just tired, I was tired on the day you mentioned". So I left it there.

I had a word with Sarah who also denied that anything had been said to her about me, but i felt as if she was answering a question with another question. "Why am I not as friendly now" was one.

Well to get to the point, Sarah started being slightly more friendly but i felt as if it was forced. She would still not say bye at times and on one occasion when I was doing them a favour and getting lunch, I asked her to come with me in the car to help me out carry the lunch, she looked uncomfortable and said I am ok and didnt want to come, words cant describe how *** i felt at that point. This is baring in mind before she changed, that she offered me a lift to my car when it was parked futher away from work

It really got me down and I got paranoid. It does not help that I suffer from anxiety and depression anyway and I remember saying to them again, look just tell me if someone has said something and I will show its all lies.

I said something strange like I am a good, non violent person with a clean record, I will even show you my criminal record to prove it. I should not have said this but I felt really bad about the situation and I just wanted the old Sarah and Linda back.

I left work in the end and even though they had taken my number and texted me now and then, as soon as Sarah left too she stopped texting and Linda soon followed. I felt as if they did it at the time so I wouldnt go to manangement.

Sarah's dad worked at the same place and i feel it was him who said something, but I dont know who the source is. A few people who worked there knew my dad and didnt really get on with me, these people would have no qualms in saying something really nasty about you.

What should I do and how do I get them to admit that something was actually said ? How do I show them that whatever it is they have been told is completely untrue?

It has really got me down to the point where I have lost sleep and gone off food. I am a caring person and I feel I have lost two potential friends because of this.

[woofgang]

There is nothing you can do, you have no proof that anybody said anything to anybody. Be a grown up put it down and walk away.

[pixie373]

I agree. Move on. They are not potential friends- if they were, they would have told you what the problem was.

[~Wingnut~]

I agree too, they were not potential friends and certainly not people you need in your life. Something I have learned being at work, moreso since I am now in charge, is the need to develop thick skin and let things whoosh over you. More often than not its them who have a problem not you (that certainly seems to be the problem in my case!).

[CheekyChops]

You are worrying unnecessarily over nothing. Move on with your life, get a new job and forget about them.

You don't know whether anything was actually said or not or by whom so you can't really get anyone to admit to anything.

I'm not sure why you offered to show your criminal record to anyone. In fact, how could you show it to them if you don't have one?

[LostSoulx]

Thank you for all your answers, I am very grateful. Cheeky I meant to say I would get a copy to show that its clean.

[andy-hughes]

In a situation like this, you need to do two things -

you need to examine what you would like as a solution

and

you need to assess if your solution is within reasonable reach.

On the basis of what you have said, your solution is that people either admit that they have said and / or heard something negative and untruthful about you, or that they move on and stop making rumours an issue.

How manageable is that as a solution?

As a lifelong office worker, and student of human nature, i would suggest not very - because people do not like to admit that they indulge in hurtful gossip, even though they do.

Best practice here is to draw a line and move on.

People will say what they say, and think what they think, you have no control over that.

What you do control is your reaction to it - and that is what directly affects your life.

You need to see this for what it is - an incident of gossip which will be forgotten sooner than you think, and worrying about it is hurting you, and will not give you the soloution you see.

These people are colleagues who share a work space with you, nothing more. Absence of their friendship will not hurt you, absence of their hurtful attitude will help you.

So be polite, but no more - this is one office coven you do not need membership of.

Good luck.

[bednobs]

he left Andy

[andy-hughes]

Apologies LostSoulx - i dsidn;t take in the full detals of your post - as advised by bednobs.

Even more reason to draw a line, and let this unpleasant business go.

Scratching away at it simply stops the original wounds from healing.

[grasscarp]

How do you get a copy of a criminal record to show that it is clean? If there is one it means you have one. You also say you have left work, so why are you stressing, eating and not sleeping about something now in the past?

[LostSoulx]

Thank you all once again for your answer. Andy I really appreciate what you said and its very good advice, I think in time my wounds will heal so to speak. I am just really down because I feel as if a possible friendship was ruined before it began.

Grasscarp I guess I just didnt put what i meant to say across correctly, everytime you go for a job they check to see if you have a record or not. You can do the same thing yourself, as proof that you dont.

[Peter Pedant]

move on

Long post and I am not sure what it was a bout....

move on

[Postdog]

Move on.

[espookid]

There are some things in life that cannot be explained and worrying about them doesn't solve anything
It very well might be someone else who was jealous but finding out who could be impossible so just be the nice person you obviously are and wait for the next friendship not the ones that you lost