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I Have A Roommate's So Question. They Stay Over And Now There Is Talk About Copies Of The Key Getting Made... I Need Help!
21 Answers
Sorry in advance, I wasn't too positive where I should post this question! Thank you for your time though!
My boyfriend and I were living with each other in an apartment. The lease was up and we decided we would want to move. A mutual friend of ours brought up the idea of us getting a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment with her. It would cut costs and be fun. We all 3 get along great. She was over many times in the previous apartment to hangout, get drinks, etc.
We recently moved into this new apartment about 2 months ago. Right before we moved in, the roommate got a new so. As soon as we moved in, her so has been over every night. I met the so for the first time during move in day. My Boyfriend and I have only spent one night alone with our roommate since we have moved in. The only times the so does not sleep over is when the roommate goes to stay the night with her family, or gets home too late from work and is tired. We started to notice lately that the roommate lets her so stay over as she works during the day. Which was a huge deal to us. Then today she asked if she could make a copy of the key for her so.
So, those are the major deats. The so is super friendly and nice! Even bought me beer once. I have no problem with the so, I am just annoyed at how I feel like I have a third roommate and I didn't sign up for that. Plus I don't know really much anything about the so. Do I have a right to be annoyed? What should I do? I've never had this problem before. I've been trying to talk to my roommate about it but I can never get "alone" time with her to be able to discuss about it. I don't want to text about it because text are so damn hard to understand without hearing how words are spoken, and I don't want to talk about this in front of her so. That would be so awkward. I can see both sides and can see why she would want her so over so much, but it's so annoying to me. I don't feel comfortable in my own apartment. I can see her saying it's not fair because I have mine, but she knew going into the lease that he would be there—we had no clue about her's. If we had known, we probably would of reconsidered moving in together and just decided not to because we don't know her so. But all three of us have known each other for years.
Also, I don't know if this helps or not but I will throw in the living/paying situation. When we moved, the roommate didn't have much money. My boyfriend and I covered all of the deposits for the apartment/electricity/everything. We even paid for her first month's rent and all the other bills for her. Her room is smaller, and her bathroom is not connected to her room. But we still split everything 3 ways even. We each pay $341 a month for the rent. She has two new jobs, and paid everything last month so I know there will be no more "no rent money" occurrences. Also, the so of the roommate has no job and lives at home with their family because of school. They just recently graduated though. But I have yet to hear/see the so talk about job hunting or getting a job. Also, with the kitchen, we all respect each other's food. If we do see something the other has and may want, we just ask. But there really isn't a problem with items getting eaten/used.
I just really want to know how to handle this. I hate arguing and like to see from both sides. I get why she wants her so over all the time, but I'm annoyed. I don't even feel comfortable leaving my room sometimes and just sit in there all day as they sit in the living room. Do I have the right to be frustrated/annoyed? What do I say to my roommate when I get a chance to talk to her so she doesn't feel "confronted" or that I am "unfair"? She has been my friend since elementary school, we are 24 now, and I don't wanna lose a friendship over something so small like this but it's starting to really be a bummer.
Thanks so much guys!!
My boyfriend and I were living with each other in an apartment. The lease was up and we decided we would want to move. A mutual friend of ours brought up the idea of us getting a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment with her. It would cut costs and be fun. We all 3 get along great. She was over many times in the previous apartment to hangout, get drinks, etc.
We recently moved into this new apartment about 2 months ago. Right before we moved in, the roommate got a new so. As soon as we moved in, her so has been over every night. I met the so for the first time during move in day. My Boyfriend and I have only spent one night alone with our roommate since we have moved in. The only times the so does not sleep over is when the roommate goes to stay the night with her family, or gets home too late from work and is tired. We started to notice lately that the roommate lets her so stay over as she works during the day. Which was a huge deal to us. Then today she asked if she could make a copy of the key for her so.
So, those are the major deats. The so is super friendly and nice! Even bought me beer once. I have no problem with the so, I am just annoyed at how I feel like I have a third roommate and I didn't sign up for that. Plus I don't know really much anything about the so. Do I have a right to be annoyed? What should I do? I've never had this problem before. I've been trying to talk to my roommate about it but I can never get "alone" time with her to be able to discuss about it. I don't want to text about it because text are so damn hard to understand without hearing how words are spoken, and I don't want to talk about this in front of her so. That would be so awkward. I can see both sides and can see why she would want her so over so much, but it's so annoying to me. I don't feel comfortable in my own apartment. I can see her saying it's not fair because I have mine, but she knew going into the lease that he would be there—we had no clue about her's. If we had known, we probably would of reconsidered moving in together and just decided not to because we don't know her so. But all three of us have known each other for years.
Also, I don't know if this helps or not but I will throw in the living/paying situation. When we moved, the roommate didn't have much money. My boyfriend and I covered all of the deposits for the apartment/electricity/everything. We even paid for her first month's rent and all the other bills for her. Her room is smaller, and her bathroom is not connected to her room. But we still split everything 3 ways even. We each pay $341 a month for the rent. She has two new jobs, and paid everything last month so I know there will be no more "no rent money" occurrences. Also, the so of the roommate has no job and lives at home with their family because of school. They just recently graduated though. But I have yet to hear/see the so talk about job hunting or getting a job. Also, with the kitchen, we all respect each other's food. If we do see something the other has and may want, we just ask. But there really isn't a problem with items getting eaten/used.
I just really want to know how to handle this. I hate arguing and like to see from both sides. I get why she wants her so over all the time, but I'm annoyed. I don't even feel comfortable leaving my room sometimes and just sit in there all day as they sit in the living room. Do I have the right to be frustrated/annoyed? What do I say to my roommate when I get a chance to talk to her so she doesn't feel "confronted" or that I am "unfair"? She has been my friend since elementary school, we are 24 now, and I don't wanna lose a friendship over something so small like this but it's starting to really be a bummer.
Thanks so much guys!!
Answers
Boyfriend, obiter. First thing, this is a UK site and I don't know how tenancy laws work in the US where I guess you are - but here, if the three of you sign a tenancy agreement, the landlord doesn't expect anyone else to live there - which the boyfriend now is, in effect. You have to get together, the three of you, arrange a formal meeting if you have to - because...
23:09 Wed 17th Sep 2014
Boyfriend, obiter.
First thing, this is a UK site and I don't know how tenancy laws work in the US where I guess you are - but here, if the three of you sign a tenancy agreement, the landlord doesn't expect anyone else to live there - which the boyfriend now is, in effect.
You have to get together, the three of you, arrange a formal meeting if you have to - because there's more to this than just the SO. You all three need to be dibbing in with rent, household costs etc - no wonder your friend thought it was all so great, if you were bankrolling her to start off with - and now there's another body in the house, either he needs to get work to pay his way, or she has to pay another quarter (i.e. for him too). You have to be firm and let her see that she is taking advantage of your friendship, and that the original deal was for her to share with you, not four people. If she doesn't like it, she can move out. First off though, check your occupancy agreement and see what it says about movng in a fourth person - if the landlord doesn't know he's there, that's a good place to start.
First thing, this is a UK site and I don't know how tenancy laws work in the US where I guess you are - but here, if the three of you sign a tenancy agreement, the landlord doesn't expect anyone else to live there - which the boyfriend now is, in effect.
You have to get together, the three of you, arrange a formal meeting if you have to - because there's more to this than just the SO. You all three need to be dibbing in with rent, household costs etc - no wonder your friend thought it was all so great, if you were bankrolling her to start off with - and now there's another body in the house, either he needs to get work to pay his way, or she has to pay another quarter (i.e. for him too). You have to be firm and let her see that she is taking advantage of your friendship, and that the original deal was for her to share with you, not four people. If she doesn't like it, she can move out. First off though, check your occupancy agreement and see what it says about movng in a fourth person - if the landlord doesn't know he's there, that's a good place to start.
i have just remembered. When i houseshared as a student, one of the rules was that there was a "staying over" charge applied to non residents. this covered the additional hot water use, also the phone ( no mobiles then) use of communal stuff like bread and milk. it was just one of the house rules we agreed on
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