Is There Any Such Thing As A

[nailedit]

non-dysfuntional family?

Speaking to a few of my friends recently and it seems apparent that there isnt such a thing....

Looking back, everyone that Ive ever known has had some sort of family trauma or come from some such sort of background. Quite a few ABers have also expressed the same sentiment.

 

 

[nailedit]

You can choose your friends but you cant choose your family kind of thing..

[andy-hughes]

I think there are many.

People in them think it's so normal, it doesn't require comment.

Only those of us with dysfunctional families feel the need to share it with strangers. 

[Peter Pedant]

have we forgotten Tolstoy ?

The first sentence of Leo Tolstoy's novel Anna Karenina is: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

I have had the finger pointed at me, and then you  ( one) finds the finger pointer has all sorts of interesting defects himself.... ( adultery, pie-throwing, ferret keeping, son in jail etc)

[royfromaus]

Depends on what you regard as a family.

[tomus42]

.and yet you felt the need to comment andy.

If your family is happy, just say so. Why make a passive aggressive insult at the questioner? 

[Peter Pedant]

Only those of us with dysfunctional families feel the need to share it with strangers. 

Jilly Cooper was blissfully happy and wrote about it every week on her ( paid ) column. 

and then found that Leo ( husband) had kept a mistress for 20 y

[jourdain2]

Everyones' families are different.

Define 'dysfunctional'?  Difficulties and oddities are only to be expected; it makes for individual differencies.  Problems are often just that - problems with/between family members.  Every  family has that. 

I suspect that 'dyfunctional' means a lot more than difficulties in relationships.  There's a lady who I'm trying to help - her family is collapsing around her due to illnesses. She just found out today that her 26 yr-old daughter-in-law has uterine cancer; on Saturday her aunt was diagnosed with vascular dementia; her father-in-law was buried on Monday and her husband  had such a bad heart attack a couple of years ago that he is living on an artificial heart which will wear out in 3 yrs at the most - then that's it.  She's in her early 50s. It's all got out of control and isn't functioning.

Most of us don't have that amount of stuff to deal with.

'Problems' aren't dysfunctioning, but there is a lot of deeper stuff around it seems.

 

[royfromaus]

I hope andy has had his cocoa and cookies and is ready for bed...else you're in for a long night, tomus.

[andy-hughes]

Tomus  - I don't do 'passive aggressive', it's too much like hard work.

You are seeing a motive in my response that is simply not there.

My current family are everything I could want, my growing up family were the opposite. 

My history where such discussions have taken place bear that out.

[andy-hughes]

Tomus - Feel free to re-read my initial response those of US, not those of YOU - a simple but crucial difference. 

[Zacs-Master]

I think I was about 53 when I realised that everyone is a little bit 'mad'. By mad I mean that they have some quirk in their character that isn't considered 'normal'. Since then I really like to play a game where I try to figure out in what way the person is 'mad'. 
Sometimes it's just a little thing which they do which is hardly noticeable. Other times it's a large part of their personality.

my favourite people are those who've embraced their madness and work with it, a good example would be Spike Milligan. 

[nailedit]

//Only those of us with dysfunctional families feel the need to share it with strangers.//

Or maybe to get some non judgmental insight?

My upbringing wasnt great, but would like to hear from others whose upbringing was considered good. No value attachments here, just curious.

Virtually everybody that Ive known has had a rubbish upbringing (by their own addmission)

[andy-hughes]

Obviously I can't help you there nailedit - hope you get some useful responses. 

[tomus42]

//Tomus  - I don't do 'passive aggressive', it's too much like hard work.//

You do though. It's most of what you do these days when you get into a 'discussion'.

That aside, I'm genuinely happy that you've got a great family life. I just felt your initial response to the OP was needlessly hostile.

[nailedit]

Andy,

Am I to assume that you had an ideal childhood? (apart from the usual childhood scrapes) ?

If so then I envy you, but in the best possible way .

It seems to me that most adults are dealing with childhood trauma nowadays.

[andy-hughes]

Naildit - No, the exact opposite. 

My childhood was a nightmare, assisting me into a nine month stay in Cheddleto, I barely got out alive.

It is my family now that is my blessing. I have no contact with the others.

[nailedit]

//My childhood was a nightmare, assisting me into a nine month stay in Cheddleto, I barely got out alive//

Ive said b4 that my sister spent time in Cheddleton,

//I have no contact with the others// so you agree with me that families are inherintly dysfunctional??

or otherwise?

 

 

[Bobbisox1]

Yes there is but rifts can be mended 

[nailedit]

Families are poison from my perspective.

My father never failed to put me down when he could.

Ive been left out of family gatherings when possibble.

nieces that ive loved have left me out of gatherings

etc...

 

done with 'family'

 

[andy-hughes]

I don't think they are inherently dysfunctional but it's not a simple dynamic with simple rules to separate each family into two sections.

My family is amazing, but we've had our times, and probably will again.