What to do with a lazy son?

[Kimthurston]

My son is now 22 years old and has, once again, been sacked from his job, mainly for being lazy. He has currently been out of work for 7 months now and although he still eats the same amount of food, creates the same amount of washing, etc., makes no effort to contribute to the household, either monetary or human effort? I am at the end of my tether as he seems to think a job will come looking for him. I need to get him out of my house and let him find out how to stand on his own two feet. I have tried time and time again to get him to co-operate, but to no avail. I am therefore loathe to formally "evict" him but cannot see any other way round this problem. Obviously, I am wracked with guilt at having to "put him out on the streets" and have enquired as to the Local Authority housing him. They seem unwilling to oblige. Has anyone ever just told their son/daughter not to come back again without recriminations? Thanks so much.

[karenfward]

Have you tried asking him for some money - I presume he is on benefit of some kind. If he refuses, have ready a menu of costs for him. Explain that things cost money and if he wants to make use of the facilities you provide he can either pay you, say �30.00 per week (or an amount you feel is reasonable ) per week or "pay as you go"! For example:

Washing clothes - �5.00

Breakfast - �2.50

Lunch -�4.00

Evening meal �5.00

Hire of bedroom �35.00 per week

Use of television �1.00 per hour

If he doesn't like the idea -which he won't - tell him he has 1 week in which to find somewhere else to live which provides everything he expect at the same price you are asking. Best of luck!

[plonker]

I knew someone like him and it turned out that he was suffering severe depression along with extreme lack of cofidence. He seems that he cannot see sense at the moment. It must be extremely difficult for you. But he might need help to get back to normal. Maybe, a third party, can help him. Can his father help or an old friend or check with relatives and/or Citazen Advice Burea where they will have tel.nos for people like him if he is going through severe depression.

[dancealot13]

He's in a terrible rut. I'm 24 and I've felt that way before. He got off the path and needs a guide. Before telling him he needs to move out (which I totally agree with the idea!), assist him in figuring out what he wants to do and what he likes to do. But don't use the words "with your life,.....or For the Rest of your life", because that is too much pressure for anyone really. If he insists he "doesn't know?", then tell him he has to make a decision and stick with it for a while and move on from there. Making decisions, leads to new opportunities, and new doors to be open. And if that fails, then kick him out and force him to make decisions and learn lessons on his own, because it will make him stronger and force him to realize what the real world is like and what it takes to survive. Setting small goals is a good idea as well. For example "By Sunday your going to have a resume typed up, and two weeks from now your going to have a job, 4 months from now your going to have this amount of money saved." etc. He needs to have something to look forward to, goals. It sounds like he doesn't have any goals. Without them we just float along, and some of us start sinking. He needs to feel like there are reasons for his presence.

Good luck!

[dancealot13]

Sorry one more thing. So if he isn't working then that means YOU"RE paying for everything! Man, I wish you were my mom.

Tell him that within 4 months you are no longer paying for ANYTHING OF HIS, and you are NO LONGER washing his cloths, or doing his dishes, or matching his socks. As a mother you have served your time! He needs to step it up, and be a MAN. The capitol letters are for you, but of course don't yell at him or show aggressivness, because then he'll just rebel against you. You've been a caring and considerate mother but now you need to put your foot down. I live at home (for free) to pay off my student debt, but I pay for everything on my own (car payment, insurances, personal bills, health care, clothing, etc), he should do the same.

[andy-hughes]

Suphurb advice from dancealot13.

You need to establish that your son is not siffering from any underlying mentyal, or indeed physical condition which makes this behaviour worse. if it simply that he is too bone idle to behave like the adult he is, then take some action. Withdraw the services as suggested, and if that doesn;t work, give him one week's notice to leve, and as soon as he goes out after that time, get the locks changed.

It may sound harsh, but he's taking advantage, and you allowing him so to do is not helping anyone. You won;t be there for everf - he has to learn to grow up, and now while you are there to support him is better than when you are not, and he is institutionalised by the way you;ve allowed him to depend on you.

[dancealot13]

Thanks Andy-hughes! ;)

[Otrere]

Yep - can only concur with andy-hughes and dancelot13. Providing he is not suffering some kind of mental problem, I'd refuse point blank to do any of his washing, do any cooking etc. etc. He needs taking firmly in hand and needs some discipline. Don't let him take the **** anymore.