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multiple sclerosis - and problems with a workmate.
11 Answers
a colleague of mine has MS. I don't doubt he has it, but I am beginning to doubt the effects he claims it has on him.
Basically, he constantly doesn't turn up, is hours late, doesn't answer calls or texts or email, breaks meetings and plans and just says he was feeling ill - however when he is at work he is right as rain, happy, jolly, no struggle or ill effects, and sometimes it will seem to ''come on'' so bad that he can't send a text, within an hour of leaving the office.
Just seems starnge that it only affects him at home, yet he often claims to have ''pulled an all nighter'' (unneccesarily) and thats why he hasn't turned up.
when he does eventually make contact there is no apology or explanation, just ''I forgot, my memory is bad" - as though that makes it all ok.
if i was ill and had memory problems, i would set alarms and make notes, he just shrugs and even smirks at the annoyance he's caused to me and others.
i would be apologetic and make every effort i could to at least let people know i couldn't make it - this guy just seems to think he can behave any way he likes because he has MS.
he has been doing it so long and the boss sort of lets him het away with it.
so, i was wondering if anyone out there has experience of ms and can verify that these things can happen - i,e, extreme memory loss, extreme fatigue or whatever that makes you unable to even send a text or pick up a phone.
i would like to understand his problem and perhaps it will help me be sympathetic towards him, because right now i am just furious.
whatever the symptoms are i don;t think it will excuse his behaviour, i just want to know how much of it is based in fact and how much is him taking the pish and trying it on.
thanks
Basically, he constantly doesn't turn up, is hours late, doesn't answer calls or texts or email, breaks meetings and plans and just says he was feeling ill - however when he is at work he is right as rain, happy, jolly, no struggle or ill effects, and sometimes it will seem to ''come on'' so bad that he can't send a text, within an hour of leaving the office.
Just seems starnge that it only affects him at home, yet he often claims to have ''pulled an all nighter'' (unneccesarily) and thats why he hasn't turned up.
when he does eventually make contact there is no apology or explanation, just ''I forgot, my memory is bad" - as though that makes it all ok.
if i was ill and had memory problems, i would set alarms and make notes, he just shrugs and even smirks at the annoyance he's caused to me and others.
i would be apologetic and make every effort i could to at least let people know i couldn't make it - this guy just seems to think he can behave any way he likes because he has MS.
he has been doing it so long and the boss sort of lets him het away with it.
so, i was wondering if anyone out there has experience of ms and can verify that these things can happen - i,e, extreme memory loss, extreme fatigue or whatever that makes you unable to even send a text or pick up a phone.
i would like to understand his problem and perhaps it will help me be sympathetic towards him, because right now i am just furious.
whatever the symptoms are i don;t think it will excuse his behaviour, i just want to know how much of it is based in fact and how much is him taking the pish and trying it on.
thanks
Answers
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MS is a frightening and progressive disease with many many symptoms.
It is often recurring in the first stage, which can last years. This means that the symptoms can come on very suddenly, and then go into remission.
MS affects the central nervous system, so can affect practically every part of the brain and body. And of course living with MS can cause severe depression, not just for the sufferer but for the whole family.
There is no cure and treatment is very hit and miss.
It is very likely he would suffer sudden and extreme fatigue combined with blurred vision, poor coordination, tremor and slurred speech. He may have very painful spasms and difficulty walking.
His bladder and bowels can also be affected - embarrassing for anyone.
He will know that his symptoms will probably get much worse over time.
As well as MS he will be prone to the same illnesses as everybody else - headaches, stomach upsets, colds and so on.
I am hugely sympathetic to anyone with MS - very difficult to live with this disease, ineffective treatment and a bleak future.
This doesn't mean he isn't taking advantage. He could be a slacker as well.
It is often recurring in the first stage, which can last years. This means that the symptoms can come on very suddenly, and then go into remission.
MS affects the central nervous system, so can affect practically every part of the brain and body. And of course living with MS can cause severe depression, not just for the sufferer but for the whole family.
There is no cure and treatment is very hit and miss.
It is very likely he would suffer sudden and extreme fatigue combined with blurred vision, poor coordination, tremor and slurred speech. He may have very painful spasms and difficulty walking.
His bladder and bowels can also be affected - embarrassing for anyone.
He will know that his symptoms will probably get much worse over time.
As well as MS he will be prone to the same illnesses as everybody else - headaches, stomach upsets, colds and so on.
I am hugely sympathetic to anyone with MS - very difficult to live with this disease, ineffective treatment and a bleak future.
This doesn't mean he isn't taking advantage. He could be a slacker as well.
One of the neighbours has MS and I have to say she has bad patches of memory, fatigue etc. But as you say she is quite 'combative' about helping herself she has an A4 folder with the week written up and she put immediate action post - its on the front, carries a dictaphone ( for things she notices as she goes about her daily business ) a ream of different sounding alarms one sound for each task.
She might take to her bed for days at a time. It does not switch on and off during work/ social hours. When we were talking the other day she was telling me that she was offered a private prescription for something that would cost about 15 grand a year ( in UK ), but she found something in the States that costs pence a day to take, and she seems much better since she has been taking it.
I think you have to sit down with others he has worked with and see if they think that there is a swinging the lead element to his behaviour. Do a bit of research on the net. and you might both see beneficial results to this isssue.
She might take to her bed for days at a time. It does not switch on and off during work/ social hours. When we were talking the other day she was telling me that she was offered a private prescription for something that would cost about 15 grand a year ( in UK ), but she found something in the States that costs pence a day to take, and she seems much better since she has been taking it.
I think you have to sit down with others he has worked with and see if they think that there is a swinging the lead element to his behaviour. Do a bit of research on the net. and you might both see beneficial results to this isssue.
I have multiple sclerosis. I am in a very bad relapse that has been going on for months.
I suggest you copy your question to Jooly's Joint.
I am in incredible pain, I feel like I've been punched all over.
I wobble when I get up. I lose my balance and have small blanks where I don't know what's happened.
I love to pretend that all is well. I get on a high and make as best I can. As soon as I leave ie: a family meeting. I collapse. I don't answer the phone because my arm aches holding it.
Be careful joko. Because Discriminating against a serious disease just because You don't understand what a brain disease can do, is downright sick!!!
Perhaps you could go to the site map and then select forum. Read what I have questioned for my own behalf.
I thought you were intelligent.
http://www.mswebpals.org/contents.htm
I suggest you copy your question to Jooly's Joint.
I am in incredible pain, I feel like I've been punched all over.
I wobble when I get up. I lose my balance and have small blanks where I don't know what's happened.
I love to pretend that all is well. I get on a high and make as best I can. As soon as I leave ie: a family meeting. I collapse. I don't answer the phone because my arm aches holding it.
Be careful joko. Because Discriminating against a serious disease just because You don't understand what a brain disease can do, is downright sick!!!
Perhaps you could go to the site map and then select forum. Read what I have questioned for my own behalf.
I thought you were intelligent.
http://www.mswebpals.org/contents.htm
beryllium - wind your neck in you ignorant fool!
why not try actually reading the tone of my question before accusing me of discriminating against someone?
you didn't did you?
you just saw that someone wasn't gushing with sympathy & your knee jerked...didn't it?
you sound like an idiot with issues
the whole point of me asking - & i believe thats quite clear from my question - is to find out exactlty what the problems he faces are -so i know when hes or isn't playing on it
just because someone is ill doesn't mean they have good work ethics
I have not said that i don't have sympathy- believe me, the way he behaves, anyone else would've been sacked long ago
the point is his attitude - there is no excuse for it.
being ill doesn't entitle you to turn up hours late, not do your job etc etc- for weeks sometimes! - & then just smirk & shrug because everyone else is hectic trying to deal with it.
he just says he forgot!!
he thinks its funny not to turn up, when people are let down - because he's ill & were all just supposed to let him behave like an arse!
.
why not try actually reading the tone of my question before accusing me of discriminating against someone?
you didn't did you?
you just saw that someone wasn't gushing with sympathy & your knee jerked...didn't it?
you sound like an idiot with issues
the whole point of me asking - & i believe thats quite clear from my question - is to find out exactlty what the problems he faces are -so i know when hes or isn't playing on it
just because someone is ill doesn't mean they have good work ethics
I have not said that i don't have sympathy- believe me, the way he behaves, anyone else would've been sacked long ago
the point is his attitude - there is no excuse for it.
being ill doesn't entitle you to turn up hours late, not do your job etc etc- for weeks sometimes! - & then just smirk & shrug because everyone else is hectic trying to deal with it.
he just says he forgot!!
he thinks its funny not to turn up, when people are let down - because he's ill & were all just supposed to let him behave like an arse!
.
we don't mind if he is ill & can't make a meeting or do his job, that is fine, we work round it.
but as has been said, if he made some sort of effort to deal with it, was in some way apologetic for the trouble he causes, no-one would mind.
but when we have to spend half a day trying to get hold of him, & then calling round to apologise to clients or recieving calls off angry clients because he hasn't turned up -about 3-4 times a week, it starts to wear a bit thin.
as for your hand aching through holding the phone -no-one expects a 3 hour chat, just a few words to let people know he isn't coming, or hasn't done what he promised etc etc - its called courtesy - & if i had an office full of staff & clients waiting on me i would put up with a few moments of discomfort to do it -its called having a job.
i have a number of lesser illnesses that cause me a great deal of daily pain, ill feelings & memory lapses - so im very aware of how work life can be a struggle - difference is i don't let people down & if i do, i let them know &apologise
but as has been said, if he made some sort of effort to deal with it, was in some way apologetic for the trouble he causes, no-one would mind.
but when we have to spend half a day trying to get hold of him, & then calling round to apologise to clients or recieving calls off angry clients because he hasn't turned up -about 3-4 times a week, it starts to wear a bit thin.
as for your hand aching through holding the phone -no-one expects a 3 hour chat, just a few words to let people know he isn't coming, or hasn't done what he promised etc etc - its called courtesy - & if i had an office full of staff & clients waiting on me i would put up with a few moments of discomfort to do it -its called having a job.
i have a number of lesser illnesses that cause me a great deal of daily pain, ill feelings & memory lapses - so im very aware of how work life can be a struggle - difference is i don't let people down & if i do, i let them know &apologise
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