ChatterBank2 mins ago
What would you do?
30 Answers
My fiance had masses of pics of his ex on his computer (some of her naked) when we first met and he talked about her all the time. I got upset and he deleted them infront of me to show she meant nothing to him now as they'd split up a year and a half ago at that point. Then a couple of weeks later I went on the computer and found over 100 still on there, agian including some quite dirty ones and a couple of video's of her. Rather than bring it up again I simply deleted them all but I couldn't forget and it still really hurt so it caused a few arguments and made me really insecure. He kept reasuring me but kind of making it sound like she still meant a lot to him. She lives in australia now. The onle way they had contact is via email and he said she hadn't emailed him since we first met and he never replied. Then he left his emails on one day and I know I shouldn't have done it it I saw he had kept what looked like every one of her emails and again some were dirty and the insecurity came back for me. Then we went to see his family in france a coupleof months later. On the way home he told me to get his card out of his wallet and a little passport photo fell into my bag. It took me a while to realise who it was and again he swore to me he didn't know it was there and it's me he wants to be with. Recently I've been feeling very over this situation till yesterday when I found in the my documents folder a video of her giving him a BJ. I just couldn't stop shaking and he said again he didn't know it was there.
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get him to ####
you do not deserve this, this is horrible for you.
he obviously is obsessed with this ex. and is ignoring your feelings and has done for the time you have been together.
why put up with this behaviour ? you have asked him time and time again to delete, but she ment a lot to him? well what about YOU?
you are better off without him, and her.
you do not deserve this, this is horrible for you.
he obviously is obsessed with this ex. and is ignoring your feelings and has done for the time you have been together.
why put up with this behaviour ? you have asked him time and time again to delete, but she ment a lot to him? well what about YOU?
you are better off without him, and her.
The picture in the wallet would have been the only thing that i woud have beleived as only about 6 months ago i reaslised i still had a picutre of my ex husband in there and i had totally forgot about it.
But the computer thing is really bad, espescially if he said he got rid of them before.
I did a similar thing when my boyfriend moved in with me he brought his comp with him i found hoiday photos of him and her, but none dirty one, but he still deleted them ones and i have since checked and they not there.
I would hit the roof if i found any dirty ones so i totally know how you feel about it.
I would get out of it too, he seems to still be rapped up in her otherwise why keep the photos of her and for you to be able to find them thats just so insensitive.
Talk to you about how you feel if he brushes it off and dont seem to care defo get out of it, i know its hard but its just not fair on yourself and its making you be insecure and thats not fair on your self esteem.
But the computer thing is really bad, espescially if he said he got rid of them before.
I did a similar thing when my boyfriend moved in with me he brought his comp with him i found hoiday photos of him and her, but none dirty one, but he still deleted them ones and i have since checked and they not there.
I would hit the roof if i found any dirty ones so i totally know how you feel about it.
I would get out of it too, he seems to still be rapped up in her otherwise why keep the photos of her and for you to be able to find them thats just so insensitive.
Talk to you about how you feel if he brushes it off and dont seem to care defo get out of it, i know its hard but its just not fair on yourself and its making you be insecure and thats not fair on your self esteem.
Have you lot quite finished overreacting?! Jesus... You're going to scare the poor girl to death!!
A) The dirty pictures are nothing more than w 4nk fodder to my way of thinking. I think it's a bit c rap to still have them but lets not get away from what they are essentially.
B) So he has photos of her on his computer. Do you honestly think he sits there gazing adoringly at them? Or is it more likely, that (like me) he has photos on his computer that he just hasn't been ar5ed to get rid of because he (I) never, ever look at them? They're just there.
C) She may well always mean a lot to him. Did they split up because it wasn't working or because she went to Auzzie and he didn't want to go? If the latter then she may well always mean something to him but can you honestly say that there's no exes of yours that don't still have a place in your heart? (I'm not saying that you'd run over your current bloke to get back with them but that the human heart has a big capacity to love and we love in different ways).
A) The dirty pictures are nothing more than w 4nk fodder to my way of thinking. I think it's a bit c rap to still have them but lets not get away from what they are essentially.
B) So he has photos of her on his computer. Do you honestly think he sits there gazing adoringly at them? Or is it more likely, that (like me) he has photos on his computer that he just hasn't been ar5ed to get rid of because he (I) never, ever look at them? They're just there.
C) She may well always mean a lot to him. Did they split up because it wasn't working or because she went to Auzzie and he didn't want to go? If the latter then she may well always mean something to him but can you honestly say that there's no exes of yours that don't still have a place in your heart? (I'm not saying that you'd run over your current bloke to get back with them but that the human heart has a big capacity to love and we love in different ways).
D) Dirty emails? Again, w 4nk fodder. For goodness sake, I've got a couple of dirty emails. I like reading them. They make me smile. Once again, get it in to perspective.
E) Passport photo in wallet? He says he didn't know it was there. Probably he didn't. I had a photo of my sister fall out of my purse last year. It must have been in there for yonks and God knows when I put it there. She looks about 15 in it. Last year she was 21.
F) Why would it be in your documents and not his? If he was trying to hide it then that's not really the best place to leave it now is it?
I could be completely wrong. Everyone else could be spot on. But reading your email, what came accross to me was your insecurity. He hasn't helped you overcome that much admittedly.
And this is the man you wrote about the othre day who wants to settle down and make a life with you?
Ultimately, if you don't feel you can trust him then you need to have a word with yourself about what you want. But don't just jump to conclusions, try and look at it all objectively. Easy for me to say I know. Good luck.
E) Passport photo in wallet? He says he didn't know it was there. Probably he didn't. I had a photo of my sister fall out of my purse last year. It must have been in there for yonks and God knows when I put it there. She looks about 15 in it. Last year she was 21.
F) Why would it be in your documents and not his? If he was trying to hide it then that's not really the best place to leave it now is it?
I could be completely wrong. Everyone else could be spot on. But reading your email, what came accross to me was your insecurity. He hasn't helped you overcome that much admittedly.
And this is the man you wrote about the othre day who wants to settle down and make a life with you?
Ultimately, if you don't feel you can trust him then you need to have a word with yourself about what you want. But don't just jump to conclusions, try and look at it all objectively. Easy for me to say I know. Good luck.
well, I dunno, China... I have heard it said that men sometimes keep improper emails and videos... but if he uses videos of his ex as fodder, when he's got a new gf, I think this does say something about who's really on his mind. He seems to conveniently 'forget' quite a lot, doesn't he? I wouldn't be worried about pictures in a wallet, I think I still have photos of Queen Victoria untouched since 1903. But a BJ video? That he didn't know was there??? No wonder fizzyBee is feeling insecure.
This doesn't necessarily mean he has to be shot forthwith. But a good talk is in order, and perhaps a joint browse through the entire computer deleting everything. (The look on his face as he did this might be interesting evidence one way or the other.) I'm guessing fizzyBee will find it hard to trust whatever he says, however. Up to her whether she decides this is a relationship-breaker.
This doesn't necessarily mean he has to be shot forthwith. But a good talk is in order, and perhaps a joint browse through the entire computer deleting everything. (The look on his face as he did this might be interesting evidence one way or the other.) I'm guessing fizzyBee will find it hard to trust whatever he says, however. Up to her whether she decides this is a relationship-breaker.
'Then a couple of weeks later I went on the computer and found over 100 still on there, agian including some quite dirty ones and a couple of video's of her' But then she did delete them so should be over and done with, still think its so wrong, I got rid of all my dirty vids when I got my new bloke :-) lol
Like I said jno, he's an ar5e for doing this to her. It's inappropriate to keep them and they should be deleted etc...
But I don't think who you're thinking about while having a bit of hanky panky with yourself is anything to do with who you have on your mind. Think about it, if he had a load of dirty pictures of Kylie on there you wouldn't say that.
As to the bee's insecurity... well as I said, he's not helped at all! (Once again, the word ar5e springs to mind) but the other day she posted cause she was upset at the long hours he worked and because he wanted to settle and marry etc... It seems to me there's more to all this than appears. That's not letting him or her off. Just what I think is all.
But I don't think who you're thinking about while having a bit of hanky panky with yourself is anything to do with who you have on your mind. Think about it, if he had a load of dirty pictures of Kylie on there you wouldn't say that.
As to the bee's insecurity... well as I said, he's not helped at all! (Once again, the word ar5e springs to mind) but the other day she posted cause she was upset at the long hours he worked and because he wanted to settle and marry etc... It seems to me there's more to all this than appears. That's not letting him or her off. Just what I think is all.
but he's not likely to have a video of kylie giving him a BJ is he. Thats the difference. Although he doesnt see this girl he still e-mails her alot and I myself would feel a bit insecure even though I've never been the jealous type. But yes you have to seperate not trusting him with you being insecure. He is not cheating with her but you really need to talk to him about how its making you feel.
Well I think I have a bigger p0rn collection than most men I know, and i'm a girl! hahaha!
However, I think this situation boils down to whether or not you really want to be with a guy who; 1) enjoys taking pics/videos of that nature of his partner, and 2) keeps them.
I completely agree with China in that the material is predominantly w&nk fodder. There's nothing wrong with that (within reason) and you have to decide what you accept as reasonable. If you don't like the material that he keeps then he may agree to get rid of it but chances are that some point down the line he'll build up his collection again and try to hide it from you. Also, I think you should fully expect that he may suggest you pose for such pictures.
Personally, I love $ex and being expressive in the bedroom, but I never EVER let anyone take photos or video of me. But that's just me. If I was with a guy who was into that sort of thing then I would seriously our relationship.
However, I think this situation boils down to whether or not you really want to be with a guy who; 1) enjoys taking pics/videos of that nature of his partner, and 2) keeps them.
I completely agree with China in that the material is predominantly w&nk fodder. There's nothing wrong with that (within reason) and you have to decide what you accept as reasonable. If you don't like the material that he keeps then he may agree to get rid of it but chances are that some point down the line he'll build up his collection again and try to hide it from you. Also, I think you should fully expect that he may suggest you pose for such pictures.
Personally, I love $ex and being expressive in the bedroom, but I never EVER let anyone take photos or video of me. But that's just me. If I was with a guy who was into that sort of thing then I would seriously our relationship.
but that's it, China ... it's not Kylie or any other stranger, it's someone he was close to - and someone fizzyBee suspects he still wishes he was close to. (Obviously, as 4get says, if he does have a video of Kylie giving him a BJ he should keep it forever and leave it to the British Museum when he dies.)
If he wants things like that, he shouldget examples involving strangers; I believe there are one or two available on the internet. But out of respect for fizzyBee I think he should be getting rid of the provocative stuff involving Ms Ex. The odd souvenir is fine. Naked/dirty stuff is less fine. BJ stuff is not fine at all.
If he wants things like that, he shouldget examples involving strangers; I believe there are one or two available on the internet. But out of respect for fizzyBee I think he should be getting rid of the provocative stuff involving Ms Ex. The odd souvenir is fine. Naked/dirty stuff is less fine. BJ stuff is not fine at all.
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