Mobile phone messages....

[PurpleParis]

I need some advice as to where to go with a family problem.....long story short.....my 22 year old son worked for my sister in law in a shop. He left his mobile in the shop one day and his sister sent him a txt then i did....no problem really, he would just get the phone the next day.
My brother and his wife have pretty much ignored me over the last week and yesterday I asked why.....he said about the phone being left at the shop and that out of the goodness of her heart because she didn't want people worrying that he wasn't responding to txt's, she looked at who had texted and then text me to say he had left it. End of.....oh no because she then went on to read all his texts and found some she didn't like....for example, she had messed him around over his hours and I had said to my son, on a message to him on his phone....well she has no man management skills that one....
So my brother and his wife are expecting an apology from me and my kids because of what we said in messages, which she should not have been reading anyway.
I am tempted to just apologise but feel that I am being bullied into it....my brother is a notorious bully with his own kids.
What should I do....we already have a small family which is in grave danger of becoming even smaller!

[ummmm]

If it was me I'd get your son to demand an apology for the invasion of privacy.

I wouldn't even go through my partners phone. It's private and is today version of a letter...

[PurpleParis]

Thank you for that.....I am inclined to agree but I really don't want to cause a major family breakdown.... you are right....he is livid that she went through his phone but he is not the sort to create waves....I just don't know what to do!

[ummmm]

I don't agree with apologising to keep the peace. Just say calmly that if you're nosey enough to go through someones messages you run the risk of reading something that you wasn't meant to see...

Will this effect his job?

[boxtops]

I'm with umm, she shouldn't have gone through the messages on his phone, it's like openng someone else's mail. Granted that he was careless to leave his phone there but don't let her use that as an excuse, she has invaded his privacy and that is inexcusable - but it's HIS privacy not yours, your SIL needs to apologise to him not you for reading his messages. If she wants an apology from you for a message you sent in privacy to your son, I think she needs to look at her own behaviour first - go nosing about, you might not like what you see. If you want to apologise to keep the peace then make sure you are apologising for the correct thing, not for having a mind of your own and (heavens above) sharing your views with your kids! - and make sure she apologises too for her inexcusable behaviour in reading private texts.

[Canary42]

Having once (albeit accidentally) commited a faux pas in describing your sister-in-law on a mobile txt, you're now compounding this by maligning your brother ("notorious bully") here in a more public forum.

What if your nosey prying s-i-l reads it ?

With you holding such strong feelings about them, an apology from you may paper over the cracks, but it sounds to me that you're better shot of them.

As for the small family, so what - remember the old adage "Friends are family you choose"

[brenda]

I wouldn't even think of apologising to someone who had snooped and spied upon my phone messages.Just tough it out and let the matter rest.
If people read stuff they don't like to read about themselves on someone elses phone, because they are snooping -- then hard luck.the damage is already done, cannot be undone ,and they have brought this on themseves by spying .
So not your fault -- entirely theirs.So no apology from you is required -- it should be the other way round .
Don't let yourself be bullied over this.

[Canary42]

Re-reading my earlier answer, it sounds like I'm attacking you - sorry, I'm not, just badly expressed :(

[ummmm]

The chances of her SIL reading this is minimal though....I also presume her real name is not PurpleParis :-)

[Canary42]

Fair point ummmm, but she does sound pretty snoopy (the sister-in-law, that is) so I wouldn't put it past her.

[ummmm]

I understand what you're saying but this question will be lost in a few days...

[Canary42]

So would the txt have been :)

But you are right, the chances are miniscule.

[sara3]

I think they've got off lightly.. if you'd known they had no respect for your son's property and privacy, they would have deserved something much harsher.

you could do a technical apology "sorry you didn't like that" once they've done a complete climb-down apology for their unacceptable behaviour. shocking!

[PurpleParis]

Thank you all for your support.....I nearly gave in and apologised.....I won't though....we have done nothing wrong.....

[joko]

i would suggest you get somehwre in the middle

apologise for upsetting her - as i assume you are sorry its upset her - that was not your intention

but that you meant what you said and are not apologising for that - you are entitled to your opinion

[brenda]

Stick to your guns purple --apologise for nothing.

[ELVIS68]

Don`t apologise, if people were that worried about him not responding then they would have rang the number and then they could have answered it and explained

They are just trying to cover up the fact that they are nosey gits

[Addy123]

Is this not the technological equivalent of people who eavesdrop probably won't like what they hear?

You have nothing to apologise for. He's your son and therefore has a right to expect his mum to support him, even if it's just having a bit of a b*tchfest.

If she is that touchy that's her problem, but that's what you get for snooping.