Absent father wants access

[Jacky1972]

Hi, i am a single parent to a 7 year old, her father has not played any part in her life to date, apart from one 10 minute trip which i took to introduce him to his then 6 month old daughter. (the visit was only brief because he said he was tired) He has never contributed in any way to her upbringing - his choice not mine and certainly not his daughters.

The question i need advice on is that very recently he has been in contact with me asking to meet his daughter, i obviously want to put my daughters needs first, but i am so concerned that he will walk into her life then back out again for another 7 years.

I asked him why he has decided he wants to meet her after all this time, he said he has just been thinking about it for a while.

I would like to know that legally would i be able to stop any further visiting rights untill she is legally old enough to make her own decisions?

Just for the record he is not named on her birth certificate.

Any advice would be helpfull

[karenmac60]

I think (but I'm not sure) that if he's not named he has no rights. However, is that the best thing for your daughter? There will come a time when she wants to know and if you have stopped contact it may affect your relationship with her. That said though, if he has been in touch, was it a one off? He could have been feeling maudlin/drunk whatever and made a rash move and now has no plans to follow it up. Or he may start contact but lose interest. If it's the former then forget it, if it's the latter then your daughter may be disrupted and disappointed, but at least she will know you did your best. I honestly don't know the solution but good luck with it.

[ummmm]

He will have rights. From 2003 fathers got automatic parental rights.

Tell him he needs to prove he's the father. If he hasn't bothered with her for 7 years will he be willing to pay for a DNA test??!

Your choice though.....could it be worth the risk? 7 years is a long time...he might have changed..

[ummmm]

I didn't mean that bad...re, the DNA. It's just the fact he isn't named on the BC. If he's serious about seeing his daughter...

[angel_me]

i think u should give him the benefit of doubt...7 years is a long time for someone to mature and experience change. u can monitor the way he treats her. if u see that he has not change and is not willing to have her in his life as he had told u, then just talk to her. children are more resilient that we think. however, let her have access as when she gets older, we might inturn blame u and not her dad.

[Smowball]

Difficult one - people do change. What does the child know about her father?

[cathfromsaron]

i am in the opposite situation where my grandson father is violent and fighting for access ...

what i would suggest you do us attend the mediation essions offered by the court and assess his level of commitment!

then, if he seems keen to make a contribution on an ongoing basis, you can thrash out arrangements that suit you both!

cath x

[ojread2]

ummm said: "He will have rights. From 2003 fathers got automatic parental rights."
Not true, he has no PR as he is not on the birth cert

The best thing for your daughter is so see her dad, if, and only if he walks out again should you then stop contact until she is old enough to make her own decisions

Maintenance and visits are completely separate issues and should not be tallied together
I repeat what angel says - give him a chance

[momcj]

I agree he does not have PR if he is not on the birth certificate. The most important thing is your daughter, in my view he needs to prove he is serious about being a part of her life, after not being so for 7 years (the worst thing would b for them to establish a relationship and then for him to leave again)- personally i would wait and see if he takes it to court, this will probably take some time and then maybe your daughter will be older and have a say herself and the court would hear her opinion.