Should I tell my sister about my mother?

[maddiv44]

My mother is an alcoholic and in my teens was drinking very heavily. She was in and out of hospital and rehab on a monthly basis. Then when I was 17 she finally stopped drinking.

Her mental health has never been good and her physical health has suffered as a result of the alcohol.

Now nine years on she has started drinking again. Her physical and mental health declined and she tried to kill herself and spent three days in intensive care.

My sister is away travelling in Australia and isn't due home until December. She took the news of mothers susicide attempt quite well. Nothing shocks us really now. Still I don't know how she will handle the news of the drinking. Out of the two of us, she has always held out more hope of mother becomming 'normal'. I think this will come as a massive shock to her. We have always been really close and supported each other through everything. I can cope just fine as I have my partner but my sister is on her own.

Some people in the family are saying not to tell her or to keep it quiet to see if mother can get some help again but I think that this time things are too different and this is not going to end well. Mothers health is so bad that she could kill herself, intentionally or not at any time.

What is playing on my mind is that if mother dies and my sister didn't even know she was drinking again, she is going to find it even worse to deal with. I would want to know personally but I don't know what to do for the best.

[jno]

I think I'd mention it to her, but not so frantically that she thinks she has to drop everything and fly home. Just in paragraph 27 of your next email, or whatever, and don't go into detail about the depth of your concern. Then she can decide for herself how worried she is.

[emmie]

i would tell her, sooner than later

[China Doll]

Depends on the type of person your sister is. I know that my sisters and myself would want to know if there were any problems with our parents.

[VHG]

Dont tell her.

If she is on an extended holiday she may be trying to "get away from it all" (including the problems with her mother).

If you DO tell her what can she do, just WORRY about it.

Let her enjoy her break.

If she knows about the suicide attempt then the death of your mother (when it happens) wont be a surprise as years of alcohol abuse can cause the body to "give up" at any point.

(My first wife was an alcoholic and one night went to bed as she felt a little unwell, and died in bed. The body just cant take the years of abuse).

I repeat, dont tell her.

[LoftyLottie]

You know your sister better than we do and I think you have to make a judgement as to whether she would like to be told. Personally, I would like to be told and I think jno's suggestion is the right approach. Don't alarm her but prewarn her - let her make the choice of whether she returns or not.

[carmalee]

I think you should tell her because if you don't and the worst happens, not only will she have her Mother's death to deal with but she may well feel she wasn't given a choice to act the way she wanted -

[calicosrcool]

I would tell her. Just don't say it like you dialed 911 because there's a psycho there with a chainsaw and a hook. Besides, if she finds out at the funeral about what your mom's been up to, that might ruin your closeness and all.

[Jemisa]

She's not daft, whats the betting she knows already? Just doesn't want to tell you what she already suspects.

Good luck for whatever you decide.

Jem