You Know You're In Ireland (Again)

[FredPuli43]

When:

The moving walkway has a warning sign, at the end, which reads "Face direction of travel". It can only be read if you are already facing the direction of travel and is therefore useless. And it's dangerous; turning round to see whether there was a similar sign on the back of it, I tripped over the end of the walkway. (There isn't; any true Irishman could have told me that)

The auctioneer tells someone bidding " Give up. The other bidder is a museum !" This the man did, being persuaded, thereby depriving the vendor of any further bids and the auctioneer of more commission.

The auctioneer sells me a lot which I did not bid for, which is Irish enough, but at a time when I was not even in the building. This was discovered when I paid for my other lots. Although the auctioneer had recorded my paddle number as the bidder,he wasn't in the least surprised by this development. It may happen frequently; Ireland may be full of people who thought they had bought a lot but didn't and vice versa . Maybe I looked like another fellow in the room, who was actually bidding (the auctioneer takes pride in putting numbers to faces and doesn't ask for your number after your first bid ). If so, was he in for a surprise! Who knows?

At the end of the very long walk from the departure lounge to the gate for boarding there is another sign.It reads " You can go back to the bars if you like". And it's painted, so permanent. What they do if you read that and go back at the moment of boarding is not clear, but it may not matter. No Irishman ever moves to get on a plane. Call "Boarding now!" to a 'gatefull' of passengers and nobody stirs. In the other terminal, they've met this problem. They have a pub bar by the gates.

And they still have the airport sign, though less conspicuously, " Mortuary". I seem to recall it once read "Mortuary and Departures".My cab driver said "As if Terminal wasn't bad enough for nervous flyers!"

Ah well. There must be strange signs like those in the UK, but I don't see them.Do you?

[Buenchico]

It's no different in the UK.

I've been threatened with legal action by an auctioneer for failing to pay for the livestock I'd bought despite the facts that
(a) I'd never buy livestock ; and
(b) I wasn't even at the auction.

I've done a footpath survey (at Swalecliffe in Kent) wwhere there are signs advising cyclists that they must give way to pedestrians. The signs face outwards from the footpath, so that they're only seen by cyclists leaving the footpath.

[DTCwordfan]

Domestic Departures
International Departures
Mortuary

all on the same board when you entered the road that took you up to the terminal of Dublin Airport, Fred, and yes they have now made it less conspicuous.

[DTCwordfan]

My mother used to walk into antique shops and ask "What's new?"

[DTCwordfan]

West Briton:

"For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers."

[Tilly2]

Do not throw stones at this notice.

[The Builder]

DT will be familiar with the village of Mabe, near Falmouth. A local sign reads...

"Penryn 1 Mabe 1/2"

I met a puzzled German tourist there once.........

"Vot is zis? Penryn 1 Maybe 1/2 .................. don't zey know?!

[DTCwordfan]

Indeed I am, TB....

[DTCwordfan]

Headline:

"Antique Dealer Thought Schoolgirl Was Older"

[Sipowicz]

I saw a "Deliveries" sign outside Mothercare!

[smurfchops]

I saw a sign in Sainsburys on a door leading to the stairs which said 'Pedestrians Only'.

I know of a coffee shop in Ireland whose waiter said, pointing to one mug, on serving us a black and a white coffee "That's the one with the milk" ...