Is there any hope for him?

[robertson]

In the early 80s one of my brothers became entranced by a clearly unhinged woman, we begged him not to marry her, he did, gradually she made his life such Hell (doing his head in constantly) that after 14 years he had to leave (I swear he'd have died otherwise) and, from the moment he left, she turned their 3 kids (to whom he'd been an indisputably devoted Dad) against him. On access days, she'd drop the kids off and sit in her car laughing as they went over to him and punched, kicked, spat at him, and generally caused such mayhem he had to let them return to mum who'd then be rocking with laughter. After a short while meetings became impossible, even through all the correct channels. He hasn't officially seen his kids since 1997 because, as their mum puts it, 'You left their mum so they don't want to know you'. All his letters to them have been returned in pieces - the way his heart has been broken. Recently he gently approached his 18-year old son in the street and was told 'Who are you? I don't know you' and that was that. Our Dad is now 77, very ill with Parkinson's and desperate to see his grandkids. The kids are so brainwashed we now doubt they'll ever 'turn' - Gawd knows what terrible things their mum told them. We think we've tried everything. Any suggestions?

[dot.hawkes]

They' re grown ups now and should have been able to make up their own minds, surely they have memories that can decipher the sh1te from the reality, if they have not been able to do this then they really are brainwashed, but in this so called enlightened age, when so many people have been revealed to have suffered this sort of torment, they surely cannot have carried on into adulthood believing their Mother's fantastical lies. There should now be a social worker involved in negotiations to reestablish a family bond that the woman destroyed, i would contact social services, because in the long term, your brother may well find himself in need of support from family and the social services are going to be aware of the burden it would lace on their resources if he did not have living relatives to be with him.

[robertson]

Thank you, Dot. My brother is still only 47. He re-married a few years ago, though hasn't had more kids & naturally still pines for the three 'lost' ones. I agree, most people would assume the kids' minds would thaw with age, but if you knew their mum you'd know the brainwashing will have been totally thorough. I'm not being biased to say her erratic ways forced my brother out and, from the day he left, her entire raison d'etre has been to make his life a misery. Funnily enough, we believe she's never had another man in her life.

[robertson]

She's hurt him in the only way she still can but, in her single-minded persecution of him, she's bound to have damaged the kids psychologically too. She'd doubtless argue she was acting in their own good, which is a measure of how she's really only had her own warped interests at heart. .