husband taking other woman and kids on holiday

[maggie01]

We split up 7 months ago.Still rings, texts and comes to the house. Just after he left he booked a holiday for other woman and her kids but decided to come home so the holiday was cancelled. He left again 5 days later. We are in the process of divorce although he still rings texts and visits, but have found he has booked another holiday with other woman and her kids again. Our house is sold and I should have moved out in about 4 weeks time. Am I being unreasonable to believe that he could have waited a few more weeks before booking this holiday.?
They are going away in January.

[bimbo123456]

You don't say how long the "other woman" thing had been going on. If your ex considers the relationship with you is over, why wouldn't he book the holiday? The best revenge you can have is to live your life and be happy. Do you have children? If not tell him to stop with the texting etc. He is not welcome. He is having his cake and eating it. It sounds as if you are well rid of this cad.

[warpig3]

Good morning Maggie, I am not sure if being unreasonable about the holiday is really the issue. You may feel he is being unreasonable but he obviously doesnt as in his mind you and he are spearated.

I appreciate that this is a very difficult time for you but if you and he continue to be in contact this does not allow you to have closure and move on (he has). You don't mention if you have children so I am assuming not. If you dont have children then there is no need to be in contact, this could be done through a third party ie your solicitor. If you do have children then you both must agree to set times for visits etc and stick to it. No chit chat texts of phone calls, no just dropping in for a visit.

Whilst this current situation continues you are not moving on, what about you? What about your future?

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but a long and protracted break up is only delaying the inevitable. Be strong, think about what you want, a reconciliation at this stage seems unlikely so think about drawing a line under it and moving forward.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

warpig

[~Wingnut~]

Hi maggie :o)

I remember your previous posts about your husband and I'm sorry that things haven't moved on for you still.
The fact you are now in the divorce process he obviously thinks he has moved on seeing as how he has the new girlfriend etc. You however are no different to when he first left, you see him moving on and it hurts you so I am not surprised you are feeling a bit upset about this holiday.
Use moving to the new home your turning point.
Build a new life for yourself and tell him to stop texting, ringing etc.. all the time as he is only doing it to ease his own concious (sp?), well let him suffer and feel a bit bad about all this!!!
As previously said your best revenge is to get on with your life and be happy, this is the start of your new life, grasp it!!!! :o)

[maggie01]

thank you for replies. Yes we do have children but they are adults. We have been married 40yrs. that is why it is so hard. He has known this woman for 3 yrs. but lost contact for 18months. back in contact 1 yr.
Yes I guess the answer is no contact and get on with it.

[warpig3]

Maggie, I think I do remember your previous post, the scenario seems familiar to me. 40 years such a long time and it will be hard, very hard, I presume this is why there is still contact as both of you are afraid to let go of something that is so familiar and entrenched. Perhaps its time for you to be tough on yourself and selfish as well. I know that sounds a contradiction of terms but you must make a break from contact which will be tough and look to the future, be positive and be proactive.

warpig

[~Wingnut~]

Hi again maggie.

Yes get on with it but you are allowed to feel some sadness for the past. Don't blank out any emotions you may be feeling, go with them just don't dwell on them.
I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will become much stronger and realise you don't need him, it was probably the other way round anyway you just don't realise that yet nor does he. He has made his bed let him lie in it and tell him to begger off if he keeps ringing and coming round, you make a start on your own happiness (you won't be able to do that if he is still playing such a big part in your life), you deserve it xxx

[mallymooface]

My father left my mother after 30 years of marriage (for another woman) but like your ex was scared to let go completely so he kept my mother in the loop for as long as he could. He pretended he was trying to do the "right thing" by her but actually he was hedging his bets. After all 30 years was a long time for him too. In the end my mother although she continued to love him in her heart had to cut those ties and shut those doors. She has thrown herself into charity work and looking after other people (her family and pensioner neighbours) and has found total fulfillment in her new life (last year she fulfilled a life time ambition to visit India and spend some time in an orphanage - she's seventy years old). He has got a half life at the moment chasing women and finding none of them match up to mum, but she has moved on. I'm not saying she doesn't miss him and I don't know if in her heart she still loves him but holding on to a dead marriage was driving her into an early grave (angina issues etc). Letting go has released her into a wonderful life and I am so proud of her!
My advice to you is live your life - you deserve that, don't even think about what he is or isn't doing, switch your mobile number and tell him the door is now closed. It may hurt but at least you will have done something positive in this situation and not just been a passive spectator waiting for him to do the right thing.

[maggie01]

Thank you mallymooface and congratulations to your mum
I do think this is what my husband is doing and I am sure at least this relationship he is in is not going anywhere inspite of this holiday.
I would like to say that although I am hurt about the holiday it was the timing which hurt most. Our divorce should be final in January and out of respect for the 40yrs, I feel he could have waited for that . No. it wouldn't have hurt any less but we would have been divorced by then.
I have a feeling my husband may come to regret his decisiion but if he has made the right choice then i wish him well and like your mum I hope one day I can close the door