rock musicians, wives - and groupies...can the wives be happy?

[joko]

mentioned this earlier on another thread and thought id ask it properly...

theres a very real chance that my boyfriends band will get signed & go on tour...
i have been thinking about what'd happen when hes away...because even low level bands get some groupies
it got me thinking about the wives an girlfriends (wags) of rock stars - how do they cope?
they MUST know what theyre doing, surely?
but do they turn a blind eye an see it for what it is-meaningless sex?
not care an just spend the cash?
or are they just naive an believe their man is different?
or do they think that rock stars are exempt form the normal 'rules'?

i know theres some who are well known for being totally faithful an uninterested in groupies, but these seem to be a minority
but some are famous for it, theyre in books an there are sites written by the groupies with details, naming names!
imagine seeing your husbands name!

of course this might never happen to me, but it is someting that occurred to me the other day

what do you make of this, could you ''accept'' that ''what happens on tour, stays on tour'' as they say?

my boyfriend was vague, seemed like hed always loved the idea an couldnt wait, but obviously that was before he met me, an now he seems confused an torn
i got the impression he didnt know what hed do if faced with the situation now, before hed have loved it, now hed have some odd feelings
he told me he wouldnt do anything, but only after i mentioned it a few times an pointed out that he hadnt once said it of his own accord
hes young an been chasing this dream for years, an also never have a proper girlfriend before so never had this sort of 'conflict' before

im not naive though...i doubt many men could resist...
buthe was talking of a child with me a few months ago.

[joko]

the other question is - do i walk away now...? or do i go with it, see how it goes...?
am i setting myself up for heartache with this?
because also i am helping them with a lot of promotion...i also have many contacts in the industry...part of me feels i should stop...because i may be helping him hurt me and be kickin myself down the line...or am i helping me have a great future - if we have one together?
do i see if i can deal with it an turn a blind eye? millions of other women do it and are happy...?
blimey millions of questions!

this is all kind of hypothetical really at the moment...hadnt really occurred to me much...so sorry if this is all a bit 'train of thought' and 'rambley'

cheers for your thoughts

[jno]

sounds like you'll be eaten up inside just at the idea. The idea is probably all you'll have because you're unlikely to find out whether it's actually happened or not; and if he denies it did, it sounds like you'll never quite know whether to believe him or not.

I suspect he's not the man for you. I'm not saying either of you is good or bad, just that you aren't thinking the same way on this very important subject. You need to be sure you can trust him and it seems (perhaps for good reason) you don't.

[ummmm]

Distrust will eat you up inside.....

[saxy_jag]

My bloke's been in bands all our married life, some of them more successful than others. I've also met LOTS of 'attached' guys in his and in other bands. I can't say any one of them who was in a stable relationship had any inclination to play away in their partner's absence.

There's certainly the lads' banter (I once overheard one very well-known, happily married, Christian TV presenter utter the words, 'look at the t*ts on that!' as a rather well-endowed waitress made her way into and out of his dressing room) but it never seems to go any further.

If they're going to play away, I think they were always going to do it anyway, fame or no fame. It's just that the famous do it rather more publicly.

[Panic Button]

Spill the beans Saxy, who was it?

I'll suggest Aled Jones.

[joko]

as i said on another thread -

the trouble i have though...is this all just in my head..? my own paranoia.

i mean we are together all the time, so even if he wanted to go with someone when would he get the chance?
he constantly cuddles me and tells me he loves me...but i cant help thinking this way...so maybe the problem is with me...

incidentally i just read something jo wood said about ronnie and his penchant for shaggin waitresses...'we all have our foibles'...! so she went on tour with him most of the time...
does this mean she doesnt really love him and is just living the lifestyle...or has she just strenght of character to spearate the two and be with him anyway?

i wish i could just shrug the idea off...doubt i could though...

[jno]

presumably even Jo Wood's patience ran out. On the other hand Charlie Watts has apparently always stayed faithful. But really, it's your call. If you feel you can't trust him (which does seem to be the case) then how much harder will it be if he goes on the road?

[joko]

i isaid this on my other thread too but yeh you may be right...its soeming i have to do a lot of soul searching about...

and ,fortuantely i rarely voice my suspicions...i wait until i find out something more concrete...an i never do....

i guess i will just have to try to trust him...i am aware i have a very 'creative; and vivid imagination, so sometimes i know im just being overly suspicious....its hard though...i still cant shake the feelings - even though i have no evidence whatsover...thanks all