Son Excluded for 2 days

[madham]

My normally, good but a little bit cheeky son (10) his friend (11) and a girl (10) were pulling moonys at each other on the school field, another boy told a teacher and to cut it short the 2 boys were excluded for 2 days and the girl was let off scott free (which I am furious about).

Anyway, I have had a letter from the school stating why they were excluded and the reasons states Sexually unacceptable behaviour... I think this is wrong and could imply so many other things, my worry is that it goes to the governers (a couple of whom are friends) education authority etc. Am I within my rights to ask them to change the description or do you think it is a fair comment in light of what they have done???.

I am beside myself with worry and this could affect his future if they decide to keep it on his school records when he goes the Comprehensive School.

[tigerthecat]

It won't go to the secondary school. It won't be sent to future employees either. You could request that they remove the description - they don't have to. Blimey the school must be pretty up tight to exclude for this length of time. Obviously this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable but two days exclusion I think is excessive. Please do get it in perspective and put the incident and punishment behind you as quickly as possible. This is no way to end the primary school career of your child. Good luck and don't let the b*****ds grind you down.

[madham]

Thank you for that, being feel c..p since I got back from work today, that gives me a glimmer of hope.

[WendyS]

I'm afraid I must disagree. Actually I think two days exclusion is not an unreasonable penalty. Kids and parents seem to think that any kind of school discipline these days is unacceptable and consequently the boundaries of unacceptable behaviour are pushed further and further while teachers despair at trying to control unruly behaviour and quit the education sector in droves. However upset you are about the possible unfairness of it, I think you should support the the school discipline and reinforce the message that bad behaviour is unacceptable. At 10 and 11 children are old enough to know whether they are misbehaving or not. (And no, I'm NOT a teacher !)

[madham]

Thank you for your comment WendyS, it is not the actual exclusion that is upsetting me, but the ramifications that come with it, the Sexual Unacceptable Behaviour - to me that could mean touching or masturbating not mooning, friends knowing of this even though it is fairly common practice amongst the boys (even though it shouldn't be) informing the Education Authority.

I believe my son and his friend are being made an example of.

[madham]

Sorry, also when I asked why the girl hadn't been excluded the Head said "because she did it to a lesser extent" if she did pull a moony there is no difference to if the boys did it.

[EssJay1]

I think you should ask for clarification of the girl's involvement. Girls are often let off for behaviour like this becaue it is not usual for them. If she was there and was mooning, then I don't see how she could be doing it to a lesser extent. I think you'll find it will stay on his educational record, but when secondary schools have a new intake - our local is about 250 into year 7 - no-one has time to read each child's record. It will only surface if he's involved in similar, on-going problems and they start to get interested in his history.

[devilwoman]

sorry to be so blunt but you should be speaking to your son about his behaviour and and helping him to realize it is not acceptable. 2 days exclusion is quite right in this instance and you'r worrying about the description and school records is giving your son the wrong message, get your priorities right and disipline him.

[tigerthecat]

Madham, how true my final sentence was... The punishment has to be set in a context that we the readers do not know. The school, it's history of exclusions your child and his history. As a teacher for many years I can only say that I have only used exclusions for the most serious of behaviour. As a one off this doesn't meet it. There are plenty of other punishments that would have been more suitable. I suspect the actual humiliation of both the teachers and the parents knowing will be enough for the children never to forget for the rest of their lives. Adding an exclusion at this point in their school career tells me more about the Head and the school than it does of this behaviour. As for the rest of you - what did you never show your bums or worse at that age - or older?

[WendyS]

If the girl hasn't equally been excluded, then I think you're right to feel that this is unfair treatment and they should all have been punished equally.

However if this "Sexually Unacceptable Behaviour" issue is really preying on your mind, I think all you can do is write to the school, apologising for your son's behaviour and saying that he will be equally disciplined for it at home, but as he is only 10 years old and didn't fully understand the possible implications of it, you are concerned at the long term effect this will have on his school record. Accept the punishment but request that any wording be modified to "Unacceptable Behaviour". If you show you're prepared to meet them halfway but are not tryng to undermine school discipline they may relent and consider your request.

[madham]

Thank you everyone for your comments, I shall take them all on board and hope that he can go back to normal and enjoying school as he did before this incident.

[bookermel]

32 years ago ( when I was about 10) I use to pull the odd moony If my parents had found out they would have killed me!! and if I'd been caught at school I would have been in big trouble, but only for the naughtiness of it. I agree with tigerthecat, you may wish to see what has been put on record, and ensure that it is not to extream! You could write a letter to the school apologising for your sons behaviour explaining that you have spoken to him and feel that he wasn't intentionally being sexual just rude! I do feel that the school has made a bit of a mountian out of a molehill. Maybe it was the final straw for the teacher? Anyway like tiger said put it behind you and don't let it get you down.

[maxximus]

the term " indecent behavior " comes to mind or just plain " unexceptable behavior " but the word " sexually" seems a little strong for 10 - 11 year olds. i would contact the other parents and politely voice your opinions as a group to the powers that be.

[madham]

Thansk Maxximus, I rang her up yesterday and we are going to bring the subject up tomorrow, as we have to take our sons into school in the morning at 8.30am to discuss what happens. I feel more equipped to do so having had a good response from the ABs

[caro_]

Madham - how did you get on a school?