Family Court - What Happens - Update!

[buffymad]

Sorry, not sure how I add a link to show my last post!

The court date is looming and cafcass have now got involved. His ex is throwing alsorts of accusations his way - none of them nice, some pretty nasty and none of them true. Cafcass lady said the judge has to look at everything and yes, it could affect his chances. How is that fair? She can't prove what she says is true and can't disprove the accusations - so how does that work? I'm sure he could easily make things up about her but thinks what's the point?

Cafcass said they submit their report to the court but that a further assessment may need to be made.

Any comments, advice on all this and what's meant to happen next? Has anyone been through having lies thrown their way and did it affect anything?

She did actually send him a message a few weeks back asking him to drop the case!

[Quoi]

I apologise for the lengthy post but If there was any advise I could give you it would be this....
Try to get some agreement before this gets any further.
Try to force a mediation or anything because this will cost a lot in time money and mental health.
Once she gets started she will probably press on and on because it is very difficult to take back lies once they have been made.
I have come across many people who have been forced to give up because of lack of money.
The court does indeed take very seriously the childs right to have contact with its father - the women seem to think that they can lie a bit and prevent this but its not true.
I have heard of other people being convicted of assault and drug addiction and still been given access through the court to their child.
So, I would suggest that there is no doubt that ultimately your OH will get fair access - just for the child's sake - assuming he doesnt have something nasty in his background - even so, people's past actions and behaviours can be changed anyway.

Whatever you do dont give up - its for the child's future.

One thing I would love to be able to do (I know it cant happen) is to show the child's mother the outcome of our case - she would think twice about continuing I am sure.

[EDDIE51]

Quoi has put it far better than I could ever hope to. But it is as I said previously, the court has seen this time and time again they know the score and they WILL see through the lies, you just have to stick with it.

[buffymad]

Quoi - thanks for that. I wish agreement could be reached without the courts, but the ex won't entertain that. She even refused to go to mediation. It's horrible the things she's saying about him but despite that, he already has "more" than he had before - the court said to write letters to his daughter every couple of weeks and hopefully he'd get ones back. That must bite at her I should think!! She's tripping herself up again - he got a letter addressed to his first name rather than Dear Daddy - even though at court she made a big thing of saying she shows photos to their daughter saying that's your daddy! So why would she write a letter saying Dear first name for the child to copy out!!

I'm just hoping he gets to have his say this time round - I'll certainly be helping him put something together!

And yes, it would be lovely to say to her look what happened in that case and contact was still given!!

I just hope her lies trip her up at some point and show the court what a nasty person she (and her family) actually are!

[EDDIE51]

Writing letters is a wonderful idea but I rather suspect that the Mum will make sure the child never sees them. Is it at all possible to hand deliver them?

[EDDIE51]

Better idea, be sure to send every letter as 'signed for' delivery and keep a careful record to show the court. Then the Mum will have to explain to the court what happened to the letters if the child does not get them.

[buffymad]

Ha, already thought of that and letters are being sent recorded delivery!

[Quoi]

Gosh how similar your story is..... My son's ex has been making the child call him by his first name because she knows he wants to be called Daddy... the petty little **?@**.
The indirect contact letters probably wont get through to the child even recorded.. we sent a particular animal themed sticker book and when Social services got involved she noted that only one sticker had been used... he loved that particular animal too so he wouldnt have left them The ex then admitted that she hadnt tried hard enough to give the gifts and letters forward.
We even sent a birthday card with a certain animal on the front and the ex claimed that he was terrified of this animal and when she opened the card that he immediately wet himself trying to blame my son for not knowing about it. The SS woman showed him the same card with no reaction to expose more lies.
So, trust me the truth will come out in the end because this is typical behavior for this type of situation.

My good news is................. I actually got to see my grandson last weekend for the first time since all this started. For some reason she has had a change of heart and has suddenly allowed 4 hours per week contact unsupervised - she has just read the results of the social services section 37 report and has had a little panic I think

[Quoi]

I forgot to add that one bizarre thing happened...... he asked me if I was going to kill him :(

[buffymad]

Quoi - it's crazy isn't it? You watch things like this on TV and think how made up it all is - but it's awful to think that real life seems to be turning out the same. Your son's ex sounds completely vile - she'd probably get along well with my boyfriend's ex!! Well I said even if the letters didn't get through, at least he could show they WERE being sent and he WAS sticking to his side of the deal. Glad you're getting to see your grandson though.