What is assertiveness and what is being bossy?

[Saulsbury]

I am just looking for a public definition of what people consider assertiveness and what people consider to be bossy. What defines them for you? What seperates them?

[dot.hawkes]

i walk onto my Department and as manager I ask my staff to pull their fingers out and get some shoes sold as that is their job.

My supervisor comes on the department and tells one of the staff to take the rubbish to the loading bay,

one is assertive and one is bossy, you decide. What seperates them is authority .

[parkesquay]

I am going to nit-pick here dot.h with your wording. Surely you should have been more assertive and 'told' your staff to pull their fingers out.

[dot.hawkes]

nope i never tell anyone to do anything, I write a jobs list and allocate tasks, if they don't do it I by pass, 'told' and go straight to 'kick ass'

[parkesquay]

I was just trying to help with the definition as requested dot.h. For me Saulsbury, bossy is not necessarily a workplace thing it is more likely to occur when somebody assumes the unofficial role of boss by telling his/her compatriots/peers what to do without any consultation or authority to so do.

[jno]

my guess is if you did a database check, 'assertive' would most often be used about males and 'bossy' most often about females.

Note the last few paragraphs in this story:

http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,,1765200,00.html

[NLB]

assertive is what you think you are being...but if everyone else thinks you're being bossy you're getting it wrong

[Froggy_Queen]

Actually i think they are 2 dfifferent things entirely.

Assertiveness is stating what you want or do not want so there is no confusion and no chance of a refusal

Bossiness is telling people what you want but putting people's backs up and the opportunity for refusal is greater.

I'll ask once, tell you the second time and heaven help you if I need to do anything the third time!

And I've been described as bossy since i was about 5!

[bobtheturkey]

if they are female its bossy

[rugeleyboy]

i ask people to do something!

i never demand anything from any of my lads,i honestly believe they respect me for it and we are always hitting the targets set out?

[*Zeus*]

if they are female and sexy.....its dominatrix !

[andy-hughes]

Being 'assertive' means that you convey your point of view in a way that suggests you are confident in your abilities, so you don't need to raise your voice or be unpleasant.

Being 'bossy' means you are fundamentally insecure, and you over-compensate by being inapropriately aggressive and bullying.

[Echo]

What Andy said. Being assertive is a positive quality in one's personality while being bossy is a lame attempt to act assertive when you are really a bully.