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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.THe toner will help, but you need to be doing it more organised.. Usually once a day should suffice, but you're looking at increasing the number of exercises you do - you should be looking at doing about 12 crunches/sit ups, in three cycles, with about 30secs rest between. On the last cycle then go for as long as you can. You should only be focussing on your abdominal muscles, and sometimes putting your hand on your tummy while doing it can help you feel the muscle contracting. It should be done slowly, and you shouldn't be getting to the point of sitting upright, or putting your feet under something, as this takes the exercise away from the abs and onto the muscles at the side of your bum/hips which connect to you upper outer leg.
As spin chimp said, all the exercise in the world won't hellp if you have a layer of fat over the muscle, so watch your diet and take aerobic exercise. Imagine your newly toned abs under a layer like a body under a duvet - you can see what's underneath much better if it's only covered by a sheet. If your abs are only covere by a layer of skin and thin layer of fat you'll see the definition and tone much better.
This website may be able to provide help and inspiration http://www.exrx.net/Exercise.html or consider joining an abdominals exercise class at your local gym.