ChatterBank1 min ago
Appalling Situation - Just Found Out
12 Answers
Warning, this may be longish, we only found out on Sun. evening. Don't know how to react.
Background: OH's 1st wife died early May (divorced late '70's, I met him 2008). He has 3 surviving children. F (female) A (male) and J (youngest).
All very civilised, visited etc.. but re. our intending to attend funeral (would get B & B and sit at back, but OH needed to say goodbye) we had call from F saying we weren't welcome. Hurt, we stayed away and awaited contact. Nothing has happened. Now we have received rare call from J (never rings regularly - others always did) to say that family has basically collapsed. F & A have sold their mother's house without involving him at all on what they say is his share. That relationship has gone . 'Share' was suspiciously low.
Worse, A (in 50's) has told his long-term partner - much loved by us - that he has found a new woman. 3 weeks ago he moved this woman into their home as a 'temporary measure', the poor partner is in pieces (understandable). He has probably had a breakdown, but our concern is in how to react.
It was A's birthday on 25th, so we sent a card in the hopes of regaining contact --- zilch response. This has come out of the blue. We've emailed partner offering support and 'time out'. She will be financially in desperate straights as well (Teaching Assistant so not well paid) and only owns 1/3rd of the house.
We are in some sort of shock that A could behave so badly and can't imagine the partner's (D) suffering.. Any ideas how to react?
Background: OH's 1st wife died early May (divorced late '70's, I met him 2008). He has 3 surviving children. F (female) A (male) and J (youngest).
All very civilised, visited etc.. but re. our intending to attend funeral (would get B & B and sit at back, but OH needed to say goodbye) we had call from F saying we weren't welcome. Hurt, we stayed away and awaited contact. Nothing has happened. Now we have received rare call from J (never rings regularly - others always did) to say that family has basically collapsed. F & A have sold their mother's house without involving him at all on what they say is his share. That relationship has gone . 'Share' was suspiciously low.
Worse, A (in 50's) has told his long-term partner - much loved by us - that he has found a new woman. 3 weeks ago he moved this woman into their home as a 'temporary measure', the poor partner is in pieces (understandable). He has probably had a breakdown, but our concern is in how to react.
It was A's birthday on 25th, so we sent a card in the hopes of regaining contact --- zilch response. This has come out of the blue. We've emailed partner offering support and 'time out'. She will be financially in desperate straights as well (Teaching Assistant so not well paid) and only owns 1/3rd of the house.
We are in some sort of shock that A could behave so badly and can't imagine the partner's (D) suffering.. Any ideas how to react?
Answers
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advise J to get professional help to the value of the house and marry it with OH ex's will for equity in the deal.
your interaction with D is your affair as to supporting her if you wish - but she's not family. As to A, stay out, his mid-life crisis perhaps bought on by his mater, unless he asks.....
where's F on this, as she may be trying to control?
your interaction with D is your affair as to supporting her if you wish - but she's not family. As to A, stay out, his mid-life crisis perhaps bought on by his mater, unless he asks.....
where's F on this, as she may be trying to control?
>>>the sale price of house is easily checked with land registry
Yes, free of charge, here:
http://
Yes, free of charge, here:
http://
Thank you all. We are completely out of our depth. F was always referred to in the family as the 'Queen Bee' very assertive female, DTC. I was the only one who challenged her and I suppose I was safe enough when living in France.
We are trying to stay out of things, but are so appalled at what is happening. I want to go and hug D. OH has emailed son A asking for calm assessment of intentions and current situation.
To add to the misery. A's partner (D) met up with him after finally escaping an abusive marriage. If I used this as a basis for a novel no one would believe it. Keeping arm's length seems to be a good idea. Thanks for practical advice re. house price. Third child (J) is the only one with children and would have wanted house to be rented out in case one of them needed a home in future. This obviously went nowhere. Thank you all for your concern and efforts. OH feels too old for this to hit us, but we are made of tough stuff. and will survive. Just so much pain around....and ours was unnecessary...........
We are trying to stay out of things, but are so appalled at what is happening. I want to go and hug D. OH has emailed son A asking for calm assessment of intentions and current situation.
To add to the misery. A's partner (D) met up with him after finally escaping an abusive marriage. If I used this as a basis for a novel no one would believe it. Keeping arm's length seems to be a good idea. Thanks for practical advice re. house price. Third child (J) is the only one with children and would have wanted house to be rented out in case one of them needed a home in future. This obviously went nowhere. Thank you all for your concern and efforts. OH feels too old for this to hit us, but we are made of tough stuff. and will survive. Just so much pain around....and ours was unnecessary...........
well D I would give a hug to and see how she is....on the quiet.
Your OH as to A right thing.
Assessing the equity in function of the will - well, that's an easier thing to assess and some good ideas for you.
I can understand why you are upset by it....so disruptive and divisive. Just remember to stay out of things and opinions until you have a balanced position together.
Your OH as to A right thing.
Assessing the equity in function of the will - well, that's an easier thing to assess and some good ideas for you.
I can understand why you are upset by it....so disruptive and divisive. Just remember to stay out of things and opinions until you have a balanced position together.
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