Lack Of Eye Contact?

[Scarlett]

I've had a 6 year email correspondence with a work colleague, mostly interesting discussions, personals stuff, music, funny things, links, but nothing romantic. In person he seems very shy and awkward. Sometimes we email all day, yet never meet up. He has recently become my flat mate- he needed somewhere and I had a spare room. As you'd imagine, he spends most of his time locked away in his room (still emails all the time) but our paths now HAVE to cross, unlike before. He's friendlier, although clearly prefers to be on his own, but I've noticed that he has problems maintaining eye contact. I know this set-up seems unusual, and he is unusual (very creative, an artist etc) but I wondered about the eye contact thing and what that means?

[seekeerz]

Quick question .....you are both how old ?

[jno]

it could just mean he's shy? I can understand him wanting to keep a distance if he not only works with you but lives with you: I assume he's not looking for any personal relationship (and you don't say you are, either), and the amount of eye contact he deploys may be much the same as he'd deploy with any landlady.

I'm not sure people actually make as much eye contact with others as they think they do. In my experience, it's something you maintain with occasional glances rather than constant staring.

[Scarlett]

We are both mid 40s. Both single. I haven't worked with him for 4 years but have kept in email contact.

[seekeerz]

My first thought was simply that he is very shy and now, after quite a long time, he's face to face with you on a regular basis and this has come as a bit confronting and he's taking a while to get used to it ....has he shared with anyone else before ??

[Scarlett]

Yes he's had shared houses since he was 18,same as me.

[seekeerz]

so should be ok with meeting other people in the house, ....I wouldn't read too much into it for now ....as jno says people talking to each other don't stay staring eyeball to eyeball when you're suggesting who does the dishes or whatever, ....

But is it beginning to bother you ?? Obviously you made the suggestion for him to move in ...is he reading too much into that ?? ....

[Scarlett]

It doesn't bother me too much as I know he's shy but I wondered what it meant in terms of body language etc

[seekeerz]

Nothing sinister I shouldn't think, just shyness etc, maybe in time he'll relax more.

[woofgang]

What it means is that’s how he behaves. Its probably what he has always done to make life the least uncomfortable that it can be for him.

[Tilly2]

He may be on the Autistic spectrum. If so, his behaviour is not going to change. Just let him get on with it and don't try to pressurise him into being something he's not.