16 year old son

[godinvt]

MY 16 year old wont help me. he lives with me but wont evan clean his room without me yelling.and then he does as little as possible. he wont feed his cat , clean her cat box, I dont want to yell but he drives me crazy. He goes to visit his mom and helps her, he says "it's different I dont live with her. he is a smart kid honor roll student but wont help me and expects me to do what he wants. some days he doesnt come home and i wait for a call he is with his friends or mom and doesn't tell me and feels he doesnt have to, BUT when he needs a ride home I am to drop everything and get him.Is this the average 16 year old boy

[Liza B]

Sorry to say this but it is very normal, I have 5 teenagers and most of them are like that especially the 15year old twin boys, one just grunts all the time , its like having a baby again, though is never in any trouble, he seems to think my lives work is to clean up after him, did go on strike and refused to pick up dirty washing, shot myself in the foot cause in the end they all put their washing in at the same time and I had loads to do. His twin is always in trouble with the police but I have a conversation with him and he is very pleasant, you would think it would be the other way around,

There is a great website called raisingkids.co.uk they have a board for parents of teens and give great support and advice give them a try.

No wonder the baby books all stop at 5 years old, they don't want to scare us.

Good luck

[Gef]

Don't feed the cat for him - if it dies it dies, and certainly don't go and pick him up. Let him walk home.

[veritymoon]

i would refuse to do his washing and other bits and peices for him untill he agrees to help when he dont have a clean shift to go out with maybe he will think twice!

[sukkie]

The trouble is that children today really do not have boundaries and far to many rights which parents have to pay for. and I am not talking just money but lack of respect and morals. I was lucky in the sense that my children were brought up in a country where parents were allowed to discipline their children, obviously within reason. My children treat others as they would like to be treated, with respect. I would suggest that you do none of his washing or ironing and do not give money unless it is earnt with chores, once his whole wardrobe is dirty and his room is filthy, he may do something!

[xanderma]

Gef, did you REALLY just advocate negecting the poor cat & letting it die just to teach the boy a "lesson"??!!

I must say, as I was reading, I instantly thought godinvt, you should find the cat another home. I'm assuming you're in the States, but here in the UK we have a charity called Cats Protection who would much rather take on an unwanted pet than see it starved to death - is there anything similar where you are?

That's not really the issue here though, but it would show you're not a doormat to be walked all over. I also agree you should stop the lifts and also let him see the consequences of his laziness; for example, if he won't put his laundry to be washed, he'll run out of clothes sooner or later - let him!!! If he won't tidy his room, just close the door and try not to imagine the state it's in - do you get the picture?

And no, I don't think it's really an average 16 year old boy, I know plenty who are more thoughtful and considerate to their parents - he's not respecting you, and you deserve respect. Make the boundaries clear, be laid back about the things you can let slide and make it clear what you expect on the things you can't.

Good luck.

[godinvt]

xanderma dont worry I take care of the cat, my point being is it's his but she spends most of her time next to me because she knows I take care of her.

[WendyS]

I don't think you're doing your son any long term favours by letting him behave like this. He will find it very difficult to adapt to the real world and the world of work with such an attitude, so help him nip it in the bud now by:

• giving him a deadline to clear his room, otherwise threaten to throw everything out into the garden, and then do it. (My mum once did this to me. When I discovered she really meant it, I never did it a second time).


• List what chores you expect him to do around the house. Is he studying? If so, that needs to take priority, but make sure he's actually doing it.


• You're not a taxi service. If he doesn't have the good manners to keep you informed about his movements, in advance, let him walk home.


• Why not put the cat litter box in his bedroom? Perhaps once it gets smelly he might start to clean it.

Remember you're the one in charge here. If you're not assertive enough to take control, he'll never change and espect you. . At 16 he's starting to test the boundaries of his independence and needs to understand the difference between when he can cross them and when it's not permissible. Perhaps he should have a spell living with his mother? Is that possible to arrange?