Friendship groups at school

[lynlockwood]

My daughter is in aged 8 in Y3 and has always enjoyed school and generally stayed out of trouble. However, a new girl started a few weeks ago and there has been a real personality clash resulting in my daughter getting into fights over friendship groups etc. My daughter would like advice on how to cope with new the girl trying to 'take away' her best friend and generally making life difficult for her. We have talked to teachers but I think they see it as a bit outside of their remit although they have separated our daughter and the new girl in the classroom.

[INEEDANSWERS]

Although it is not technically bullying it could be seen that this 'new girl' is jealous of your daughters' established friendship group, feeling issolated she probably believes by over powering your daughters position in her group then she will become popular within this new environment.

My advise having previously being in a similar situation as a young student myself, would be:

Why not try and get along side this girl an let her know you are not a threat to her chance at befriending your other friends. Obviously i don't know details but if she then acts unfairly towards you then your friends will hopefully (with any sense) identify the fact that u attempted a friendship with this girl. Therefore they will support you against her.
If you find that they do not support you then you can know that you were in no way wrong in your actions towards her an i am sure slip into a new more supportive friendship group.

For you the parent, are extremely privilegded that your daughter feels as though she can talk to you.To maintain this trust don't contact the school without her knowledge and consent on this matter as that could prove to aggrivate the situation further. If this difficulty continues, you could always ask the school to set up a meeting between the parents of the 'new girl' and discuss the matter.

Hope that helps

[electricblue]

I agree with ina but some kids just seem to get away with being spoilt brats,cos the parents dont give a damn,at that age friendships are constantly changing and the new girl may well lose favour when the other children see what she's like when they've known her for a little while,thats the thing with kids they can see through people so well sometimes!Do what is suggested above but please dont worry,the new girl will soon understand where she fits!

[lynlockwood]

Thanks for the advice- I will talk to her about trying to make friends properly with this girl (or having another go) becasue it does seem a possible solution. I'm trying to keep it all in persective and I hope it all blows over.

[scoobydooby]

How about trying to speak with the new girls parents? I had a very similar situation with my daughter. She was friends with a girl from when they first started school, but as they grew older, they had different interests. Anyway, my daughters friend became increasingly possessive and wouldn't allow my daughter to have other friends. It got to the point where I was wiping her tears away every day after school. I ended up with the other childs mother ringing me to ask why my daughter felt she needed other friends and wasn't her daughter enough?? Cheek! Anyway, after months of trying to resolve this through talks with the school and sensible discussions with the mother, I decided I was banging my head against a brick wall and moved my daughter to another school. A bit harsh I know, but it was what my daughter wanted and it was the best decision I've ever made. Several years later, she's now at secondary school, has met up with her friends from her original primary school but, thankfully, the other girl moved to a different secondary school.

If I thought, for one second, that my kids were making life difficult for someone else's child, I would be horrified and my child would be in serious trouble. I like to think most parents feel the same way so make contact - you've nothing to lose.

[lynlockwood]

I will talk to her mother if it drags on, I suppose, but none of the other mothers that I know have had any contact with her and apparently she seems very unapproachable- I know the playground is just as intimidating for new mothers as it is for their kids and she might just be shy, but I'm worried that this girl has a difficult background and I might end up making things worse. I'm trying to help my daughter consolidate her friendships by having a few tea parties and stuff. It's making her feel better anyway!