Shunning

[nailit]

Have you got any family members that shun you, for whatever reason?
If so, how do you cope with it?
Thanks.

[Mamyalynne]

I haven't thankfully, it must be very difficult to cope with.


I'd like to think I could just accept that was that and live my own life, but I really don't know do I?

[sherrardk]

I'm no longer in any real contact with any of my family - I occasionally 'speak' to my twin sister on FB, I am friends with one aunt on FB and my half-brother sends me a birthday text (but I think that might be automated). Himself is not in contact with his sister and wasn't in contact with his father who died and was cremated without informing him. I view it as their loss, they don't get to see what brilliant people my children are growing into.

[sapelesam]

In the summer of '76 I met the most beautiful girl in the world. Her mother disapproved as I was in the services, I still don't get it. We married in 1977 and have been shunned by her family ever since. My mother in law died two years ago and just out of curiosity I got a copy of her will. In the will she mentioned her two children, ignoring the inconvenient fact that she had thee children. Who was the loser here, it definately wasn't me.

[jno]

it's nice to have family members who you're close to and will stand by you.

But those who won't are basically just casual acquaintances you can ignore as you please. There's no law requiring us to love our kinfolk.

Is this an actual problem for you? Is someone shunning you when you want to be close to them? There's really nothing you can do about this. You can't change other people's behaviour, only your own.

[sapelesam]

That should read three children not thee children.

[mazie]

I don't think I could cope if any member of my family shunned me. We are a very close family, although my Brother and Sister are far away we still keep in touch. Sorry if you have this problem nailit, must be tough x

[mazie]

That's a great shame Sam, can't have been easy in the early days

[sapelesam]

It was very tough Mazie, we were two hundred miles from our families and all our attempts at reconciliation with my wife's family were rebuffed. After her Gran's funeral where we were ignored, we gave up and my wife became more determined than ever to stay away.

[pixie374]

It's an incredibly childish thing to do. If they aren't adult enough to speak to you directly... they don't deserve you. Their loss.

[naomi24]

No, but if I did, and I knew I’d done nothing wrong, I’d be philosophical and say ‘You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family’. Everyone is a member of a family – even horrible people.

[sapelesam]

For 40 years we have tried to work out what I could have done differently, it's always been the elephant in the room. After 40 years it has become a very small elephant but it's just about still there.

[mazie]

It's always there and frustrating when they make that decision based on the fact that you had a certain job... Such a great loss to both sides. Anyway, you just have a FAB holiday x