Bit Worried About My Brother.

[Caran]

He is 70 this month. I rang him suggesting we either meet him halfway or come to see him. He lives in Bolton we are in Cinderford. I mean by we I include daughter and grandchildren. He can't be bothered, can't stand the hassle!
I asked him what he does with his time. He said he drives to the garage each morning to get his paper and every Sunday he does his shopping at Asda.
He has more money than he knows what to do with.
I have tried to chivvy him out of his rut but no use.
I really worry about him but don't know what to do about him.

[Smowball]

What actually worries you?

[sapelesam]

Hi Caran, I've had the same concerns regarding a good friend. In the end I realised he was quite happy the way things were. I was trying to put myself in his shoes, different people need different things.

[jno]

nothing to worry about. If he's happy in his rut, leave him there. You can't make other people change their lives. If you want to go see him (and he doesn't object), do; but he's got as much right to do what he wishes as you have.

[Caran]

He doesn't want anyone visiting him because his house is in a state.

[Davemano]

If he's happy as he is, he probably won't appreciate any interference. Can't see what you're worried about.

[jno]

well then, you'll just have to give him a miss. Perhaps the question is about you more than him? It's hard to be rejected by family, which is pretty much what's happened to you, but if he doesn't want to see you it's his loss.

[Mamyalynne]

If he's settled in his own ways then so be it Caran, but don't stop offering the occasional invite - you never know.x

[anneasquith]

Gently suggest you visit on your own, tell him you miss him ,

[DarceyK123]

He sounds depressed to me.

Not wanting to do anything, leaving the house in a state are classic symptoms.

Don't suppose there's anything you can do as its up to him, I can see why you're worried though.

[Caran]

He had to have his drive widened years ago. They discovered all his pipes were lead so the entire house had pipes ripped out. He has still not had his house sorted. He can afford it but can't be bothered.

[Eleena]

Hi Caran,
you suggest he meet you half way ... or you go to see him along with daughter and grandchildren. He's 70, he's not going to want to be bothered meeting you half way, has he mobility problems? You say he's embarrassed because his house is in a state, he's not going to want you visiting his house then, (especially) with other family members. Put yourself in his shoes, when's the last time he entertained anyone, in particular children in his home? Take your children out of the arrangement & meet him (his end) at a local cafe near to him. If he still isn't keen, there's nothing you can do. As long as he's o.k and has no major problems, all you can do is leave a contact address/ number to get in touch if ever he's in difficulty.

[Maydup]

I would try once more to meet uo with him and take the hassle element away for him. That is, no driving for him, no entertaining or hosting for him, instead maybe offer to meet for a meal on a day and in a place of his choice.

Or even ask him if there is anything else he'd like to do for his birthday. Perhaps he'd rather go to a sporting event or spend an afternoon on a boat trip. Ask him and offer to arrange it all.

[Old_Geezer]

Oh lor. Can see a reflection of myself in Caran's brother.

He's possible comfortable with no longer making an effort. It's relatively stress free to simply accept the present environment, but it isn't stimulating. I'm guessing he lives alone, no one 'on site' to chivvy him along, and he them.

Unsure what you can do. With permanent company to mutually help each other tackle things that need doing he'd get more out of life; no longer relive the same routine every day; relive tge same day as time passes by. But that's probably out of your control. And should be his decision anyway.

I think the best you can do is encourage change, but without nagging. The decision to change is rightfully his.

Meanwhile, if the mountain won't come to Mohammed... (or even half way).

[Old_Geezer]

...possibly ...
>:-(