Threatening Voice Mail

[nailit]

Last week I lent £25 to my sons mate with the promise that I would get it back on Thursday. By the weekend it was clear that I was not going to get it back, he refused to answer his phone and only texted that he hadn't got it. I foolishly left a voice mail saying that if I don't get it back I was going to tear his nether regions off. He has now told my son that hes thinking of reporting me to the police. This is someone whom ive had staying at my place and fed on numerous occasions. To top it off my sons taking his side and doesn't care that £25 is a lot of money to me (my son is currently living rent free with me and I'm keeping us both just on one lot of benefit money)
I know I wont get the money back now but where do I stand regards the voice mail? would the police see it as a criminal matter or just a dispute over borrowed money?
Thanks

[tamborine]

Haha nailit, cool down man & kick yourself for being a mug for lending money ;)

[nailit]

// I've seen him act very protective towards you//
Oh God the embarrasment ummmm, presumably you've seen some of the FB posts??? Despite me deleting them soon after?
Yes he can be very protective one minute and quiet the ass the next, apparently its all my fault for loaning the cash in the first place!
Despite what others may think, I CANT kick my own son out.

[nailit]

// kick yourself for being a mug for lending money ;//
Yes Tambo, I'll beat myself up for trying to help someone out....
And I'LL STILL help out where I can,

[ummmm]

Yeah...I did.

I bet it won't go any further.

[weecalf]

Would not worry about what you said ,if he has not got the guts to face you then your threat probably could not have been carried out anyway .

[nailit]

Strange, I just typed out a very long response to ummmm and its not there.....

[DTCwordfan]

chill out on it, nailit.....

let me have your throw away e-mail or who do you have as an intermediary.....minty perhaps?

[nailit]

DTC, Yeah, Minty has my FB, email etc....

[nailit]

And home address.....

[DTCwordfan]

ok, I'll contact her.....

ta.....

[EDDIE51]

Sorry I haven't answered, but I saw this and thought there was little I could say. I am sure your son's mate never had any intention of paying you back, but I think you know that now. I don't think anything will come of it. The only way it may be a problem is that the mate may use it as a threat to try to scare you into giving him more money. I'm sure you will not do it though.
I have not got an answer to the problem with your son refusing to sign on or try to get work, I wish I had but I don't.
Sorry again, I have not been much help, but my thoughts are with you.

[mikey4444]

As my thoughts are with you as well Nailit my friend

....I wish we could sit down and have a cup of tea together, perhaps with Eddie ( ! ) and help you with your problems !

[murraymints]

Nailit... you are just too kind hearted for your own good you know...wee toad clearly had no intention of repaying you and is taking advantage of the situation..don't think the polis would take anything seriously..more a domestic ...but you need to maybe show some tough love to your son..difficult as you may find that... his loyalty and gratitude ought to be with you as yours has been with him in difficult times... don't let it drag you down though...you are doing so well... xxx..

[DTCwordfan]

e-mail in box, nailit......

[nailit]

Thanks for further replies, I'll try not to sweat it to much. Don't think he would dare try to extort more money out of me EDDIE because he *knows* that I really would part him from his reproductive organs.
DTC, just replied to email :-)

[EDDIE51]

Are you in social housing nalit? Just wondering that if you are, is your son down as a co tenant? I am trying to think of some way to persuade him to at least sign on , so that he starts to take some responsibility for his own life. If he is a co tenant then he would be able to take over the tenancy on your passing. (not that I expect that to be soon!)
I was just thinking that a threat to remove his name from the tenancy may do something to get him thinking of how he will exist after you are not around.

[nailit]

EDDIE, yes I'm in council accommodation, however the local council (don't know if this is local or nationwide) have recently made it that offspring now cannot automatically take on the tenancy upon the death of the parent, even if they have lived there since birth.
I'm in a somewhat complicated situation at the moment as I'm actually paying £12 a week bedroom tax for his room. If I declared that he was living with me they would want proof of his benefits to drop the tax, no proof so they would assume he was working and require full rent.
Ive drilled it into his head that I wont be around for ever and that Hes got to make some plans for his own future but the words ostrich sand, head and bury spring to mind.

[EDDIE51]

Yes it is definitely complex. I think that if he was on benefits with no income you would be entitled to full housing benefit with no 'bedroom tax' deduction. Do you think telling him you are going to have to move to a one bedroom place to avoid 'bedroom tax' meaning he would not be allowed to live with you any longer just may persuade him to at least sign on?
Not sure of the law but if he WAS registered with the council as a joint tenant , then I can't see them being able to throw him out , in the event you passed.
Sorry to be so sounding so dismal, but I am trying to think of any means to get him to take responsibility.The idea is to get him to realise that he MUST start to take responsibility for his own life at some stage and to think what will happen when , as is inevitable you are no longer able to support him.
I am sure that he has mental health issues just as you do. But he has not got your determination to seek help and at the moment does not realise he even has a problem.
Are you still getting any counselling? if so can you get your counselor to ask him to come in for a discussion, possibly using the excuse that your counselor needs his help to monitor his Dad's treatment?

[nailit]

EDDIE, no worries about sounding dismal m8, these are not things that I havn't thought about myself, particularly given how I am myself at times. The council thing hasn't been made any easier by the policies of IDS and the rest of the tory's. Each to their own and all that, we can only live each according to our own ideologies that we have experienced through life.
I really think that he has some issues that need addressing but where to go? Yes ive got a councellor via mental health services but mental heath services are about as useful as a fart in a space suit.

[EDDIE51]

This problem is a major part of your life and as such you need to keep your councillor fully informed. The problems with your son directly affect your mental state so it is vital that your councillor is fully aware of your problems. At least it would be someone to talk to and share the burden, plus they may be able to offer more help in some way.
You really owe it to yourself and your son to do it.