Kidas' suggestion seems the best compromise within the conventional pressures. But what about screening all the pressures, expectations, etc. out and getting married to get married and then telling everyone afterwards ? That would of course not be good if you worry more about "the big day", "family involvement" (how many scores of people included in order "not to offend" ?), all of it extremely costly and pretty much purely for appearances to "fit in" with convention.
If you are inclined to say this would adversely affect the marriage and its future prospects then consider that my wife and I went exactly the way I described. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce most of which had a "big day" at the outset, a lot of them within 10 years. My wife and I spoke about this when discussing getting married, we agreed that if it didn't go well we would be honest with each other and say so and agree to part, no acrimony was to be entered into. I think (even know) that this was a good start and actually pushed us closer to each other and we are now less than 3 years from our golden anniversary in what I think both of us would say is a very good marriage. Luck has come into it, I have no doubt, but clear thinking was the decider at a complicated and difficult time.