I Am An Adult Woman, Preparing To Go To A Bullfighting School. How Do I Tell My Parents?

[LovelyLemon13]

Everything is in preparations. I have already contacted a few people in Spain. I was told that as a foreigner, I will be on a waiting list because they first and foremost accept kids and teens from Spain, but they normally accept even adults, telling me that my admission is posssible. All I need is to learn Spanish. So I am learning it and preparing everything for my departure. I am telling you this just to give you insight into the whole situation, to tell you I am not joking, and that my question is therefore meant very seriously.

I am only concerned for my poor parents. How do I tell them that I am planning such a thing? Or should I even tell them? Because let´s be honest: the whole thing, from the logical point of view, is completely absurd and stupid. Of course it is insane to go in the same ring with a bull, and I know it is a pointless waste of life. I know this. And I know what the animal rights people think about bullfighting (not that it is completely undeserved, they are generally rights, but some of their points are stupid). But this is not a matter of LOGIC, this is a matter of the HEART, and I cannot help myself. I cannot think about anything else. I know what I risk, I am an adult, not a kid, and I can think of the consequences... which I am more or less prepared for. Not completely, of course, but I got to talk to a few bullfighters through a friend, and they all told me that they have long accepted that they deserve everything that happens to them, and that they feel no hatred towards the bull (just like I thought). THIS I am telling you because you have to know that I CAN think logically.

And now to my parents: I love them. More than anything in the world. We are very close - especially with my mother who is extremely oversensitive. They are getting older, and I know they´ll be shocked when they find out. Or better said, IF they ever find out. And that is precisely it. I don´t wanna hurt them. And I don´t want them to be scared for me. But I can´t help myself NOT LEAVING. In order to protect them from this shock, I even started thinking about going to Spain, telling them that I will be working there for a year (which I WILL, anyway, in whichever profession that I can find), but not mentioning the bullfighting school.

I don´t have kids myself and I am not actively planning to have them, and I am currently single. A perfect opportunity to go. But these things are PRECISELY the things that your parents SHOULD know about. If I tell them, they will be both mad and scared to death. I don´t want that. If I don´t tell them, I will feel guilty because of the bond that we have. Shall I just LEAVE for Spain and lie to them all the way through my stay there? And now the most important thing: it is given that I will get gored. Maybe even killed. WHEN I get gored - because it is BOUND to happen - and I am lying in the hospital with the surgical tubes out of my wounds, and my mother calls me on the phone (and she can see right through me), shall I pretend like nothing happened and be like: "Oh no, I am just tired after jogging, blah blah...". I have even started thinking that maybe it would be better for her to learn what I was actually doing in Spain ADITIONALLY, when I am back home, injured or even dead. Maybe that kind of blow, the HUH? moment would be more merciful for her. But I don´t want THAT to happen to her - or my dad.

What would you do in my situation? Please don´t call me names, call me a "psychopath" and stuff like that. I actually talked to the real deals and they ALL said that we neurotypicals who do this are crazy and that they would never do anything so stupid. And they are right. But I REALLY CANNOT help myself. I have a very nagging feeling that if I don´t at least try this (and even FAIL!), I will regret it on my death bed. And I am scared of THAT possibility more than anything else in my life.

[derekpara]

My advice ? Stay at home and write a novel.

[Patsy33]

He protesteth too much! Hmmm.....

[Old_Geezer]

It is not the forums' finest hour when no one takes the OP seriously, but what can one expect when there is a rambling five paragraph, 754 word post full of decorative descriptions ?

Basically do what you feel is right. Go be your dream now and cope with whatever happens, or wait until your parents have died first, or go find something that causes you less emotional turmoil.

[TheChair]

Hi mum, hi dad. I like torturing animals. Can I practiced on your pets?

[whiskeryron]

Start at the bottom & be prepared to clear the ring of B.u.l.l.***.

[aelmpvw]

telling your parents your plans would be advisable, seeing a newspaper picture of you in hospital with the headline 'british female matador gored in first fight' would be a nasty shock for them ...

[Khandro]

LovelyLemon13

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Joined: 22:57 Tue 16th Jan 2018

Last Activity: 05:35 Wed 17th Jan 2018

Gender: Female

I think the clue is in the OP's monika.

[Mamyalynne]

Bet you suit a Deerstalker Khandro.

[roopower]

If this is for real, you should be ashamed with yourself! Find a job looking after animals and do some good.