Trouble With Teens

[Scarlett]

My sister has trouble with her 20 year old son; he has missed so much college he has failed his year, and will have to leave. She knows that he has also left all of his part time jobs as he seems to just not be able to cope- mentally or physically; he could be lazy or depressed, but she feels he is not depressed as when he is mopey and down, he is often laughing and messing about ten minutes later. The thing is, he is displaying behaviour exactly like his Dad, who is bone idle, never worked and let my sister run the house, clean the house, shop, cook, raise the kids, pay for everything AND work. I think that his behaviour is clearly learned from his Dad and how he has seen his own family behave, and so now he is copying that, subconsciously. My question is, is there any way to break this cycle?

[murraymints]

Eddie..was thinking that too..didn't like to be the harbinger of doom..but....

[EDDIE51]

^ I mentioned it because the situation sounds exactly like my daughter. She was spending £80 a week on weed. Luckily she has managed to give it up now , and things are much better.

[murraymints]

good to hear Eddie xx you're a good dad !

[nailit]

So glad to hear that your daughters knocked the weed on the head EDDIE, gives me hope for my lad.

[ummmm]

My son smokes weed and manages to hold down a full time job. He'd have to be smoking quite a lot of it to make him that lazy. Plus...where is he getting the money from?

[murraymints]

it certainly is a mood and behaviour changer... problems really start when they progress to skunk or stronger..and they usually do...quite apart from the financial difficulties and often petty crime that ensues..

You too are a very good dad Nailit..xx

[emmie]

tell him to shape up or he goes, its not a great way to treat your kids, but 20 is old enough to be pulling his weight.

[ummmm]

I don't have to be told, Minty, I used to work in a psychiatric hospital.

Just we can't assume he's on weed. I know loads of people who smoke it and they manage to go to work.

[murraymints]

I did too for a while ummmm....work in a psych hospital...

whilst assumptions can't be made the indicators are there to see ! some cope ..a lot can't..

[DarceyK123]

Can't she say to him if he's not on any course then he will have to come home.

[Sqad]

ummmm is spot on at her post of 0856.....depression is diagnosed far too easily and in many cases just a "cop out".

Easy come......easy go.....many university courses are not worth the pain that they are written on and the standard of students, about the same. Very little ambition, little discipline, too many outside interests, so why should they have to work?

Some sons are just "losers" and there is little one can or should do.......mothers need to accept this.

[Sqad]

"pain" should read...paper.....I think.

[ummmm]

I'd be quicker to blame an xbox than weed.

[EDDIE51]

As Darcy just said. If he is no longer on a course ,he will not get his student loan, grant or accommodation paid,so he will have no option but to come home, or sleep rough.

[sinderella]

Is your sister still financing him?

[Eleena]

Your sister needs to be ready for a bumpy ride once financial help is stopped, it'll get worse before it gets better.

[Scarlett]

His Dad is a weed smoker, which must have contributed to his own apathy/laziness.

[EDDIE51]

^ Yet more support for the 'weed' theory. I would take a bet that his Dad gave him 'weed' in the first place which got him started.
My daughter finally managed to get off it when she was offered a job working in the kitchen at her children's school,it was her ideal job. But obviously any suspicion of drug use and she would be out.