Disappointing To Say The Least.

[10ClarionSt]

Yesterday was the 19th anniversary of the death of my best friend. We'd known each other from being small children, growing up, getting married etc. His death at the relatively young age of 51 was a big shock, but I think it was related to the fact that he was one of the prison officers caught up in the Strangeways riots of 1991. If anyone remembers one part of that where 3 officers were trapped in tunnels for days, my mate was one of those officers. He was never the same after that. However, his grave is located only 200 yards from his house, where his wife and daughter still live. I went to put some flowers on yesterday but was disappointed to see nothing from his family. Nothing today either. In fairness, they may have visited without laying any tributes, but I felt very disappointed to say the least.

[AuntLydia]

OP I've never known anyone celebrate or mark the day of someones death.My father died 15 years ago but I seriously can't remember which day it was in March 2003. Maybe his family visit on other occasions? Its not really anyone's place to judge how loved ones are remembered after death its a very personal thing.

[Norwichcropper]

I lost my dad 3 days before my birthday in 1991 he was round house when he died,in never went to his funeral or have never visited his grave why? Simple he isn't there and it was only a cold empty shell that was buried because he is still with me here .... just my belief that's all.

[Sqad]

I agree with the sentiments of Buenchico at 20:00

https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/do-not-stand-at-my-grave-and-weep/

I am not there...........

[rockyracoon]

This is why I don't like graves, I'd much rather be scattered to the wind and not have my kids feel guilty for not showing up to visit me. Or get judged by others for the same.
I'd much rather they got on with their own lives.

[sherrardk]

I've never been to where my mother's ashes are scattered - it's not like she knows much about it.

[pixie374]

I've never been back to where my gran's ashes are since her funeral. It wouldn't achieve or change anything- I haven't forgotten her.
What matters is how you treat people when they are alive, not proving yourself after they have died.

[Minkyme]

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

[Peter Pedant]

o goodness me !
I was doing judo at Strangways at that very time !
Did we ever meet ?
The Chief Warder taught us judo ( orange belt only but I wasnt there for the colours) - had when I had taken a knife off a man in the street I wrote to him and thanked him. (his tecnics which we practised week after week, worked)

yeah yeah playing judo doesnt involve running at each other with pretend knives, make believe broken bottles...staves, 2 by 4s

ALtho I do think about him and the classes I think he should still be nameless....

so yes I recollect the event very clearly
programme from the cons point of view a year or so ago on teevee

( end of slopping out - can you believe they still did that 30 y ago?)

[ummmm]

I find going to the cemetery too upsetting.

[Cloverjo]

I have a friend who was killed at the age of 37. She had three young children. Their dad made them go to their mother's grave on every anniversary of her death. I really don't think it helped anyone.

[Peter Pedant]

do not visit my grave - I am not there

I visit graves and am quite certain the owner is in heaven .....

[Hopkirk]

When my father died we elected to have his ashes spread in their rose garden.
I have never felt the need to visit it.
That's not out of disrespect, just that I choose to remember my father in different ways.

[Peter Pedant]

oops sorry already had that line ....

[ummmm]

I have a photo of my dad and lovely uncle on my fireplace. I see them everyday.

[Cloverjo]

I have a 'mum' candle that we light whenever my dad, sister and me are all together.

[ummmm]

That's just as meaningful, Jo. You don't need to stand at a grave side to remember someone.

[rowanwitch]

After so long it seems time to let them go, find another commemoration, plant a tree, and every year watch it change and grow, time for thoughts of death to move to respecting their life with positive energy.