Good parenting??

[kitten_uk2]

hi was just wondering about my friends parenting views against mine, she follows everything by the book, and i mean everything, her son(9months) has got to be in bed by 7.30, he has to wear baby blue, everything she makes him is home cooked(EVERYTHING) , will go to the best if not private school. she never goes out as i know of, and looks down on me when i tell her grandmas having my lil un so me and hubby can go out. so tell me am i wrong,, or a bad mother to want a life outside parenting my son?, i dont just let anyone have him for a night out(just granparents) but to be honest i havent followed a manuel about parenting ive just done whats best for me and the lil un, whats your views?

[Ethel]

Different strokes for different folks.

Neither is wrong - both are right.

[spudqueen]

Don't let it get to you. I have had a more relaxed attitude to parenting then your friend. I did like my children in bed at a certain time, but if we were out/people were visiting etc then they were allowed up later (even as babies). I do mostly home cooking, but I never let it get me down if we went out and my children had a tin of baby food, or even chicken nuggets!
What is right for one family is not right for another. You bring up your child as you see fit. To be honest I think it does a child good to spend time with their Grandparents (and other relatives/close friends).
I think that my children (now teenagers) are well adjusted, polite, and find it easy to talk to people of all different ages.
Just do what makes you, and your child, happy. NEVER compare your child with another, and never compare ways of parenting!

[katieb73]

We can all be good parents and bad parents as we bring up our children. Some of my views are different to that of my fiance, we have a child each who both live with us and they are happy, well balanced, bright individuals. His daughter is 14 (going on 25) my son is 13 (going on 3...) As long as they are safe and basically good kind people i cant think that we've gone too far wrong!!

Enjoy being a parent and i think its great your mum has your tot once in a while, we have a life outside of being 'mum'. there is no manual to bringing up the kids, there are good ways and bad ways but look at your child and if they smile up at you and enjoy life, you done pretty damn good!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxx

[boobesque]

Routine suits some people, not others - we have a routine of sorts, but we dont live by it and Emmy is very adaptable and falls back into it easily.
I must admit i make all of Emmys food except breakfast, but i used to do half and half til she started refusing the jars!
Your friend sounds a little obsessive to me, but if you are happy and your kids are happy then you have no need to compare yourself and she shouldnt look down her nose at you for wanting to go out!

[Le Chat]

Your friend's strict regime may be more to keep herself in some kind of control and order, than anything to do with her children. Bringing up children is very tough (as you know) and some parents, especially the mother, who bears the brunt of everything, finds adhereing to a strict regime necessary to keep sane and to keep going without it all falling apart!
The problem is, that as soon as a 'spanner is thrown into the works' ie, some event or happening occurs out of the boundaries of the regime, her whole life maybe thrown into turmoil and her coping mechanism gone!
It may also be that your friend never really liked going out, so now she has the perfect 'excuse' to stay in, whilst hiding under the guise of being a 'wonderful mother!'
The problem is, it's not real life, with all its ups and downs and unpredicatability.
Your way of parenting seems much more livable!

[winny]

Hey, if you and baby and bloke are happy it doesnt matter. Books are a guide not a rule. On my first I was obsessed with what i should and shouldnt do and i reckon it made me a bit paranoid. My mum said it was a wonder we all made it through without all these rules for her to follow. Everyone is different. Ok I home made most food but then when I treated them toa bit of junk or we wnet to a friends who had sweets on the menu it did not matter. Everything in moderation. Be happy. I am not saying the books are wrong but they are a GUIDE. If we dont have a night out/off now and then we would go mad or split up so what is worse!!!!

[spudmuffa]

I would get out more often. I don't see why your children should hold you back. Start practising now so you and hubby are well-experienced before they become teenagers. Hope this helps.